s/o bridezilla- a bridesmaid's response

[brit1017]

I'm going to take a wild guess that this is the one that forwarded the email to begin with...

shine.yahoo.com/love-sex/bridezillas-crazy-email-bridesmaids-goes-viral-respond-her-201500809.html

TO THE MOST DIFFICULT BRIDE EVER:
You wrote: "As you all know I picked 10 wonderful ladies to stand by my side, share and make happen my special day to Jake. Each of you individually have a reason and a special place in my heart of why I picked you to be a bridesmaid"
FIRSTLY, IT'S NOT AN HONOR TO BE A BRIDESMAID, IT'S A FAVOR.
Everything you said is really nice, but the fact that ten of us were chosen for the honor makes us feel more like an army than a select group of friends.

*****

You wrote: "You may have already knew that my wonderful sister L- will be the Maid of Honor, she's in charge under me. Also my lovely mom will be a big help as well. L- has a big role in throwing me a bridal shower and bachelorette party, of course all of you guys do but at the end of the day shes the go to person and makes it happen."
WE DON'T NEED A BRIDESMAIDS' MILITARY RANKING. WE'RE GOOD.
Another thing that makes us feel less special? Being told where we are in the hierarchy of specialness.

*****

You wrote: "We have set our date for Saturday, August 31, 2013 in Vail, Colorado. That seems far away but it really isn't, the earlier the planning the better."
YOUR PARTY ISN'T A SUMMER BLOCKBUSTER MOVIE
For you, this wedding may feel like a personal Oscars, the most significant event of 2013, but for us it's just a night where we drink and eat. It's really hard to get excited about dinner a year from now.

*****

You wrote: "If you guys email anything I would also like you to put L- in the CC. Not all the bridesmaid need to be CC'd unless its coming from me or L-, if it something everyone needs to see then well do it."
YOU'RE NOT A CEO ADDRESSING NEW HIRES
I know you feel like you're running an enterprise, but we're not getting paid. In fact, in your business plan we all "spend" money, so you're going to have to work on the incentives before you start micro-managing.

*****

You wrote: "We set the date to August 31, 2013 if that's a problem we need to know NOW. Also by the end of the week we will be setting dates for the engagement party, bridal show and bachelorette party."
MORE THAN 2 EMAILS ABOUT YOUR 2013 WEDDING IN THE SAME WEEK WILL FORCE US TO FILE YOUR NAME UNDER SPAM.
Really August 31st? I think I'm doing something on that date. Oh wait, I'm going to the wedding you just gave us the date for two sentences ago. We got it. Also, your warning about further dates suggests several more emails like this one, which is already not going well. How about you save this email as a draft and send the whole shebang when you've got all your dates together? Thanks.
*****

You wrote: "Our wedding party is really the most important people at the wedding besides my self and Jake so we want every single one of our bridesmaid and grooms at our parties… if you already know you cant make one of the parties then we have to find someone else, not to be harsh in the slightest it would sadden me and of course you'll still be invited to our wedding, engagement ect."
IF YOU WANT OUR HELP, PLEASE DON'T THREATEN US
...And you have to write, "not to be harsh," you're being harsh.

*****

You wrote: "The wedding as I stated will be in Vail the engagement party will either be in NY or CT and the bachelorette party will be in Vegas, cliche yeaa but I've never been…if you wont be able to afford a flight then that means you cant make a party which ultimately means I cant have you as a bridesmaid."
WE'RE NOT RICH. DON'T TAKE THAT PERSONALLY.
So that's three parties, in three different states scattered throughout the country. I was hoping to visit my family for the holidays but I guess I'll be out of vacation days and money. See you in 2014, aging parents!
*****

You wrote: "I would like everyone to send me any dates they are going away or planning to go away after February so if your going away in January I don't care. I want any dates from February to the day of our wedding in August, that way we know not to plan something when your away. But after this week the dates are set in stone. "
JUST BECAUSE YOU PLAN YOUR PARTIES TWO YEARS IN ADVANCE THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU OWN TIME
Just so you know, this is a totally unreasonable request.
*****

You wrote: "Obviously we'll get the best deals and were not gonna books flights for $1000 … that's why were doing this in advance."
PLEASE STOP USING THE WORD "DEALS" IN REFERENCE TO YOUR WEDDING
Just because a flight is under $1,000 that doesn't mean it's cheap. Those hotel "packages" usually still average around $250 a room, and those bridesmaids dresses are usually three times the price of the same exact dress not sold in official bridal outlets. We already know we're going to be forking over a ridiculous amount of money, but please don't act like you're helping us save.
*****

You wrote: "I need to know if everyone is 100% in by Wednesday…If you don't think you'll be able to attend one party but can make the rest of them I'm sorry but I'll have to take you out as a bridesmaid and put you as a guest…Really think about everything I've said. This is really going to be the most epic wedding ever so I hope you girls can share this special day with us!"
NOBODY'S EXCITED ABOUT YOUR PARTY ANYMORE
So what you're saying is that the people you don't like as much get to show up to that one party and then leave, without spending thousands of dollars and the next year as your indentured servant? How do we sign up for that?
Please let me know by Friday.
Best,
A Former Bridesmaid

[Deleted]

LOL. I'm just going to comment on one thing for now.

for us it's just a night where we drink and eat. It's really hard to get excited about dinner a year from now.

If this is how you feel about a friend's wedding, then you probably shouldn't be a bridesmaid, regardless of how cray-cray the bride is. I LOVE weddings and have never thought of a friend's wedding as just a dinner. (I have been to weddings that were not fun, but they were for coworkers or something.)

I have always looked forward to being a BM in my friends' weddings, but maybe I haven't been a BM enough times to get pissy about it.

[I realize that this bride is out of control, but it doesn't sound like this girl would be happy to be a BM in anyone's wedding.)

[drloretta]

RBP, it's called hyperbole. And from a purely boiled-down standpoint, the reception at least is just that--dinner.

[Deleted]

Oct 5, 2012 7:49:39 GMT -5 drloretta said:

RBP, it's called hyperbole. And from a purely boiled-down standpoint, the reception at least is just that--dinner.

I know what hyperbole is. Maybe it is impossible to separate this letter from the craziness of the bridezilla, but the BM doesn't sound like she'd like being in any wedding. Like hell I'm spending $500+ to wear an ugly dress just to eat dinner, KWIM?

[agnes]

RBP, if you read the article, it looks like it's not from one of the actual BMs.

[Deleted]

Oct 5, 2012 9:34:16 GMT -5 agnes said:

RBP, if you read the article, it looks like it's not from one of the actual BM's.

I didn't read the article. Let's pretend like I didn't reply to this post. LOL.

I know this bridezilla is out of control, but I take exception to the idea that your close friend's wedding is "just a dinner." But this is totally irrelevant if some random person who doesn't actually know bridezilla wrote the post.

[Susie]

There's nothing like a truly outrageous bridezilla story to make your bride friends seem actually pretty reasonable.

[mbcdefg]

I'm assuming that this bride chick wasn't someone sweet and pleasant who suddenly turned into a spoiled snatch overnight, so I'm questioning why all these girls were friends with her in the first place.

[heygrey]

Oct 5, 2012 9:34:16 GMT -5 agnes said:

RBP, if you read the article, it looks like it's not from one of the actual BM's.

Really? I read it as one of the bridesmaids 'epic' way of saying no thanks to the offer/ request to be in the party.

And I've been in two weddings were the bride was a lovely person before and after the wedding, but the stress of planning made them insane. If I could have declined without completely ruining friendships I would have.

[mbcdefg]

I think a lot of women turn into assholes during wedding planning because they feel like they are supposed to be stressed out all the time.

Also, there are just a lot of people out there who really get a jolly out of being "in charge" of an event and, sadly, people. They've got the wedding industry and misguided friends/relatives telling them that it's perfectly OK to boss around their loved ones and micromanage them.

[hubes]

Wait, what? My bff's wedding was totally about wearing a dress and getting drunk for free.
That's why we are friends. We appreciate the finer things in life.

[MrsManners]

Oct 5, 2012 11:43:34 GMT -5 hubes said:

Wait, what? My bff's wedding was totally about wearing a dress and getting drunk for free.
That's why we are friends. We appreciate the finer things in life.

This. You could have been one of my bridesmaids

[Deleted]

Oct 5, 2012 12:59:10 GMT -5 @songforyou said:

Oct 5, 2012 11:43:34 GMT -5 hubes said:

Wait, what? My bff's wedding was totally about wearing a dress and getting drunk for free.
That's why we are friends. We appreciate the finer things in life.

When my BF and her husband were married, they'd been together 5 years and were living together. I was excited for the party, not for their union, joining their lives, blah blah blah. She would not be offended by this lol.

At my *own* wedding, I was excited for the party much, much, much more than the union, joining our lives blah blah blah.

[Deleted]

Oct 5, 2012 13:01:58 GMT -5 v said:

Oct 5, 2012 12:59:10 GMT -5 @songforyou said:

When my BF and her husband were married, they'd been together 5 years and were living together. I was excited for the party, not for their union, joining their lives, blah blah blah. She would not be offended by this lol.

At my *own* wedding, I was excited for the party much, much, much more than the union, joining our lives blah blah blah.

That's not what I was saying. The BM in the OP argued that wedding = dinner. Like I'm scheduling "pot roast dinner with H in front of the TV: August 31, 2013." Weddings of close friends are much more important to me than just a dinner.

[Deleted]

Oct 5, 2012 14:44:17 GMT -5 @redbellpeppers said:

Oct 5, 2012 13:01:58 GMT -5 v said:

At my *own* wedding, I was excited for the party much, much, much more than the union, joining our lives blah blah blah.

That's not what I was saying. The BM in the OP argued that wedding = dinner. Like I'm scheduling "pot roast dinner with H in front of the TV: August 31, 2013." Weddings of close friends are much more important to me than just a dinner.

I know! I was responding to to the stupid Yahoo writer and not you. Parties are way more important to me than dinner anyway (which is why I skip the food at the ridiculous northeastern wedding cocktail hours and spend my time near the bar instead)

[kadams767]

Whether or not this was written by an actual potential bridesmaid, I wouldn't be surprised if it actually was. The bride sounds like a complete hosebeast, so it seems likely that her chosen 10 would also probably be pretty snotty. I could definitely envision not a single one of them giving a crap about the bride or her special day. If the situation were reversed, does anyone honestly believe that bride would care about one of those girls' weddings?

[Deleted]

Oct 5, 2012 14:49:40 GMT -5 v said:

Oct 5, 2012 14:44:17 GMT -5 @redbellpeppers said:

That's not what I was saying. The BM in the OP argued that wedding = dinner. Like I'm scheduling "pot roast dinner with H in front of the TV: August 31, 2013." Weddings of close friends are much more important to me than just a dinner.

I know! I was responding to to the stupid Yahoo writer and not you. Parties are way more important to me than dinner anyway (which is why I skip the food at the ridiculous northeastern wedding cocktail hours and spend my time near the bar instead)

Ok, just making sure.