I blew up at H last night

[Deleted]

Please don't copy--I may DD as this does sound insane.

I feel bad for yelling, but then I don't. I just don't know how to fix the problem. It sounds like a stupid issue, but its really not.

I am the type of person who needs at least 7-8 hours of sleep to function normally. H could live on 5 on a consistent basis.
He also didn't have to work today, but this wasn't an isolated incident either.

Anyway-I went to bed last night at 8:30 because I was tired and normally get up at 4:30 for work. At 11pm, H came in to go to bed. Now, here is the problem-H is not a quiet person. He thinks he's trying to be quiet, but he's like a bull in a china shop--this seems to be a function he just can't do. He came in, ran into the bed, dropped the baby monitor on the side table and THEN in order for him to get into bed, he had to use a flashlight to pull the covers back. Why? I have no idea. As he's doing this, the flashlight is going everywhere and of coarse he shines it right in my face and all this wakes me up. Its a separate issue, but I have been having stomach problems and of coarse after I wake up I have these sharp pains in my stomach and am up for the next 3 hours.

Another example-DS was taking a nap yesterday. Our house isn't that big. While DS is napping, H decides to empty the dishwasher. DS sleeps thru a lot of things, but really? Pulling out pots and pans, stacking plates, etc is not quiet! Of coarse he accidentally dropped a cover to a pot on the floor and woke DS up.
Or on weekends, H will get up at 6:30-7 and will make himself breakfast. He must use every pot and pan we have in the house for as much noise as he makes. Plus he always cooks with onions, so the whole fricking house stinks. He always says "I'm sorry, I was hungry and I'm not going to wait until you get up." He claims I would sleep until noon. I've never slept past 8 in the entire time we've lived together. How could anyone?

I can't sleep with anything on my face either, so wearing a sleep mask is out. And I can't wear earplugs because then I wouldn't hear DS.
Before I lose my sanity-what's the solution here? We did sleep in separate rooms for awhile when I was pregnant so I could sleep, but H wouldn't do it long term.
I'm tired all the time, which of coarse makes me irritable-any suggestions--short of suffocating him with a pillow I mean?

[Deleted]

Could you get a white noise machine and put the baby monitor volume up high enough that you'd hear it over the white noise?

[ijack]

We have issues with H waking me up when he goes to bed as well, but white noise (we listen to rain) helps a lot. The girls also have white noise in their room. Can you use a small night light so that the light is more constant (and not shining in your face) and he's able to see?

[Deleted]

What about a nightlight on his side of the bed so he does not (a) trip over the bed (b) need to use a flashlight to find the covers (c) hopefully will not drop the monitor b/c he can see the surface he is resting it down on.

As far as him cooking early on the weekends and banging stuff I am no help with that.

[froggy76]

When he woke up your DS, whose responsibility was it to take care of DS? In our house, we live in constant fear of waking DD while she's sleeping. If DH woke her up, I would tell him she's his problem!

As far as making noise when he comes to bed, I don't know... can you leave on a little nightlight so he can see? I also like pp's suggestion of a white noise machine (which we use in DD's room so she doesn't wake up at every little noise we make in the kitchen.)

[Deleted]

I don't know why I didn't think of a white noise machine (fan isn't enough).
I used to listen to Kenny G to go to bed....this might annoy H, which means I must do it. LOL!
ETA: we do have a nightlight in the hall right outside our room. It lights up the room enough for me to see everything and I wear glasses/contacts. It should be plenty of light for H to figure out how to get into bed.

[mollz007]

I totally understand. H used to work at a movie theaater and he would come home at 3 am and he would try not to wake me up, but he always did. There was no way around it. I would get really cranky because at that time I was having to get up at 6 for work. It caused a lot of tension. I guess I just got used to it We also have a pretty loud fan in our room that helps.

[krystee]

The white noise machine and night light are good ideas. I'd also recommend that he set out all the dishes for breakfast the night before so there is no banging and clanging as he tries to get them out of the cabinets.

[Deleted]

BTW--I used to think H had a hearing problem because he has to have his alarm set so loud that when it goes off, it woke me up when I fell asleep down in the basement (our room is upstairs) but he had to have his hearing checked for work and they said there were no issues. And when he whispers--its like a normal conversation volume (I've already told him if he makes a phone call while I'm sleeping, I will kill him). We sound crazzzzy.

Froggy--I made him take care of DS after he woke him up.

[thatgirl2478]

I swear you and I are married to the same guy...

Same problems - can't figure out how to be quiet for the life of him - can't WHISPER at normal levels - insists on emptying the dishwasher when DD is sleeping. SAME DAMN ISSUES .

In our room we have not only a sound machine for me, but a fan for white noise b/c he snores too and I get so pissed off even though I know he can't help it.

[thinklikeajellyfish]

I don't think you sound insane. But that could be because I'm the same way.

MH and I used to get into a lot of similar arguments. I need way more sleep than him, I am a light sleeper, and have a hard time falling back asleep if I get woken up in the middle of the night. H tends to fall asleep while playing computer games or watching t.v. He used to wake up and come to bed at all hours of the night and wake me up when he was getting into bed. We finally came to a compromise. If he wakes up and it's after 3:00 a.m. he sleeps on the couch. If it's before 3 he comes to bed and I don't get mad if he wakes me up. It's worked so far. He ends up sleeping on the couch a lot. I thought that would be enough to motivate him to find a way not to fall asleep like that, but it hasn't. Oh well, his problem, not mine. ;D

I think everyone has great ideas so far. I don't have anything to add, but wanted to let you know that you are not alone!! Good luck.

[theintended]

The flashlight to pull the covers back would send me over the freaking edge. lol. I'm sorry.

[Deleted]

I would try to think of foods he can prepare without as much cooking. And agreed that setting out pots and dishes the night before is good.

Would he agree to get up with the baby so you could sleep?

[Roc A Bee]

The white noise machine is a good idea. On the weekend why doesn't he have a bowl of cereal or a granola bar in the morning before you wake up. That way he doesn't have to wait for you to get up to eat, and after you wake up, he can make a big breakfast.

[nonsenseabound]

I was just thinking the same thing as dvohnout. Why not have a snack and then eat with the family if he wants a big meal? We do that if we are cooking a big old breakfast. DH will grab a bowl of cereal or a poptart. Then we'll have the works when I get up at 8.

[puppyluv]

Oct 8, 2012 10:16:38 GMT -5 @kcpokergal said:

I would try to think of foods he can prepare without as much cooking. And agreed that setting out pots and dishes the night before is good.

Would he agree to get up with the baby so you could sleep?

Along this line. Could you set a time he can make a large breakfast at? Like any time after 8am he can make a big breakfast. If is before 8 he has to use the microwave.

[dochas]

Why don't you pull the covers down on his side before you go to sleep? When I get in bed first I always do this. But if my husband goes to sleep first he NEVER does and it wakes him up when I pull the covers down. And maybe if you're going to bed that early and are really tired you could make that your night to sleep alone. My husband hates to sleep separately but that's fine for him because I don't wake him up all night long!

I was just thinking again this morning about how annoying it is to have to share a bed with someone. It's always the right temp FOR HIM, there is always some noise on FOR HIM. He can't roll over without throwing himself down on the bed and seems to constantly clear his throat. I would LOVE to sleep alone for a night. Thank God he gets up before me on the weekends and lets me sleep late every time. I think I'd kill him otherwise.

[cjeanette]

I keep reading this as "I blew H last night"

[Deleted]

Oct 8, 2012 13:17:37 GMT -5 cjeanette said:

I keep reading this as "I blew H last night"

I assure you, that didn't happen. LOL

[UnderProtest]

We have a similar situation in my house. I definitely need much more sleep than my husband and I'm pretty cranky when sleep deprived. I like the other poster's suggestions. I will say that I'm the loud one in my house. And when I try to be quiet, I'm even louder. Just a thought that he may not be doing all of it to completely annoy you. Good luck!

[dochas]

My sister is savage when woken up. My BIL said he did something one night - I don't even remember what - and my sister pointed a finger at him and growled "JUST...LIE THERE". He said he couldn't sleep and was too scared to move!

[Deleted]

What does he do at night after you go to bed? Is he just watching tv in the other room? My husband and I used to have a similar issues until we bought headphones with a very long stretchy cord. Now he comes to bed with me and watches tv in bed with the really long headphones. Of course this only works if you can fall asleep with the light from the tv on, but you won't have to worry about all the noise from the tv. Just an idea.

If that won't work I agree with giving him the monitor and you putting headphones in. Especially if your baby is older and sleeping through the night.

Good luck!