how long do you wait? (chores related)

[Deleted]

Assuming you and h have your own set of chores that you're responsible for, how long do you wait for the other person to do it before you give up and do it yourself?

Generally, I cook, but h cleans up the dishes and kitchen. Saturday breakfast dishes are still sitting out and he hasn't done them. Granted he was super hung over yesterday and I didn't feel like doing them either.

When would you say something? Or would you clean the dishes yourself?

[mkate710]

We have a similar arrangement, and yeah, there are still dishes from yesterday sitting in the sink. I got home first today, and H isn't coming home till much later tonight, so I will probably do them. If he was gonna be home for dinner, I would add to the mess cooking for both of us then ask him nicely to clean up after dinner. Dishes bug me if they sit around too long though.

I hate taking out the trash. I will let that go a sad amount of time before I break down and do it myself.

[InBetweenDays]

I can't stand having dirty dishes in the sink or sitting out. So I probably would have done them or asked him to do them if they weren't done after dinner on Saturday. I just would say something like "do you mind doing the dishes while I give the kids a bath/walk the dog/etc."

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[FrozenSunshine]

We have a similar arrangement. If we're not eating at home those days I let it slide otherwise, I bang the shit out of doing the dishes and when he asks why I explain I don't have a dam thing to cook with. Usually that gets him up. If he's hung over or plays it off, his life is a bitch later in the week when he comes home and asks " wasn't...so and so for dinner.... well yes it was if the pans/pots/dishes to clean that were available.

[Deleted]

It depends on the chore. Dishes I wait a day or two and laundry I basically wait until I can't any longer. I would do laundry more often if I didn't have to haul it downstairs, laundromat or FILs house to do it.

[dana86]

We don't have assigned things either. I'm home more often so I generally do most of the cleaning type stuff around here. If I need help or would like DH to do something I just ask him and he is good about it. Oh I take that back DH is in charge of putting the garbage out on the mornings it gets picked up.

[sarack]

i would eventually do them but let him know that it's his end of the deal. h & i read the 5 love languages together and there is a part in there that talks about this.. i remind him about it when i'm having these moments.

[Deleted]

The past 24 hours has really made me think about life. I realize that I just need to let things go. Sometimes I leave chores and H ends up doing them for me and I can do the same. As long as it's not a health hazard, a little clutter won't kill me. When I am (hopefully) old and on my death bed I know I won't remember the dishes, but I'll remember the fun times.

I can't sweat the small stuff like this any more. Thanks everyone.

[carylee07]

Um, H never does dishes. Like ever. So that's a lost cause. He basically takes care of everything outside of the house like cars, lawn, trash. I do laundry, dishes.

He will break down and do his own laundry if I start slacking - usually if he runs out of undies or something. I will break down and take the trash out. But he never caves on the dishes.

I'm glad you had your little a-ha moment about not sweating the small stuff. I do still get annoyed with H sometimes, but I've also realized that I need to be more upfront with him. I used to get mad when he left his shoes all over the place and his sunglasses, hats, jackets all over the kitchen, but at the same time, I never *told* him this bothered me, I just expected that he should know.

It relieved a lot of stress when I finally came out (calmly) and said - see this empty container? It can go directly in the trash can, not just 6 inches away from it. Or, hey - can you please put your shoes away? He normally does it when I ask, so then it's fine. And it's a lot less stressful than expecting him to read my mind and getting disappointed when he can't.

[jennlin]

h is better at "his" chores than i am at "my" chores..but we have a pretty even/fair divide...occasionally we'll cross enemy lines, and he'll "do" (start) the laundry, and i'll do dishes....he'll do laundry more often than i will dishes....