I would like to add that this business needs to be shut down.
My brother went into business with a friend, that friend was a closet junkie that no one knew about and he drained the business. He fucked over the customers, he added SO much debt to the business without anyone knowing.
Sponsors are not infallable. They are human, too. This is a straight-up, one-choice decision. And you're blatently choosing not to take it, because why?
I understand that you don't want to leave him, but it's not just you anymore. You need to put you and your unborn child first right now. What if something happens and he harms you or the baby? Raising a child in an environment like that is just foolish. Please seek help for yourself and get a lawyer ASAP.
You need to get off the internet. You have some serious problems here and shouldn't be looking for answers from random people you don't know. Get yourself some professional help. Good luck.
Also I pray you will realize soon how insane it is to have a sweet, innocent baby and an addict in the house. You are never going to be able to trust him with that baby. You are going to have to over compensate for him always. You are going to live on edge. Why is that a life worth living?
Cut your loses now dude unless he enters rehab like now.
Look, I understand how this looks and sounds. I do care about my credit and finances that is why I have currently stopped my direct deposit and am going to open my own bank account. I realize raising a baby in this environment is not safe or ideal. I am trying to handle and deal with what I am capable of dealing with at this time. I am also trying to stick with my own treatment and program and to not stress myself out anymore than I already am. Like I said at the beginning I knew sharing this would get flamed and I GET IT. I really do. Thanks to everyone for their constructive advice.
None of this makes sense, though. How can you "get it" but then make the choice to MARRY him? This is where I'm sitting here w/ my jaw on the floor.
Post by Jalapeñomel on Oct 9, 2012 13:38:14 GMT -5
Also know that this addiction will not end in 1 month or 3 months time...it is an on going struggle for the rest of his life. You have to be willing to accept the fact that he may relapse once or twice or ten times, and are you willing to subject your child to this sort of environment...?
What I just don't get is WTF is wrong with you? And I don't mean that in a snarky, put-down way. But damn... Is your self-esteem soooo far down the shitter that this is the "best" you can do? You are so desperate to have someone, anyone on your arm that you said "well, here's a void AND here's a coke-head. tada! Problem solved!"
I'm just trying to wrap my head around this.
I'm going to be honest, here. He's never going to get the help he needs because you are enabling him. Do you know why you are enabling him? Because you've got some sort of rescue complex going on. (At least that's the tiny bit I can gather from this post.)
If I were you, and I know I'm not, I'd file for an annulment. I'd also get some intense counseling for myself to figure out why in the world someone like *that* is considered good husband/father material. Why you think so little of yourself that you don't deserve more? You need to get that stuff figured out before you can even THINK about having any kind of legal attachment with this guy.
So, if I were you, my steps would be 1 - annulment, 2 - separate everything, including getting your own place (what if baby stumbles on a bit of dropped/forgotten coke on the floor??), 3 - counseling for YOU. 4 - file for child support.
When, and ONLY when, both of you are sober for quite some time (don't they recommend a year?), revisit the idea of dating to learn who you each are. And that's only if you absolutely must have this guy in your life.
Look, your situation sucks but right now you're basically on the Titanic with a water glass trying to save yourself, the ship and everyone on it. Its just not going to happen. You need to get your ass on a lifeboat and get the fuck out of dodge.
Post by copperpenny on Oct 9, 2012 13:40:53 GMT -5
Please realize that many couples counselors will not see you if your husband is still an active addict. It is really best for you to seek individual therapy. I think you also have to be aware that some mental health professionals will need to report it if they feel it is an unsafe environment once the baby is born. I don't think I am telling you anything you don't already know...
Also you do realize that it is going to be very very hard for any of us to have sympathy for you in the future right? This is a nail in the coffin and I am not saying this to be snarky.
I personally can not open up your posts from now on knowing a baby is going to be born into this situation. It is very troubling.
Honest question: Do you feel like you are fit / capable of mothering this baby and raising this child?
Your comments sound like you are more concerned with supporting your H (of 1 month...) because you feel that leaving him might ultimately jeaoprodize your own recovery. I side-eye the logic, but if that's the way you want to frame it...it sure doesn't seem to leave any room for putting the child No. 1 above-all-else. A baby is all-consuming. It changes your world and your life. During a time when you need to be focusing on figuring that out..how in the hell are you going to fnid the mental space / time / energy to "support" a loser?
You know, I'm going to put this out there, too, because you just seem to have no idea what the potential fall out could be.
If he gets caught, YOU will be implicated as well. They will be YOUR drugs, too, at least until everything gets sorted out. How is that going to play out in real life? "Hey, Boss, I won't be in to work for a while. Why? Oh, the hubs and I just got busted for coke and I'm doing what I can to prove its not mine". HOW ON EARTH IS THAT GOING TO LOOK???
Your kid... Do you love him/her yet? Are you thinking about all the wonderful memories s/he will be making in foster care because you will be an unfit parent? And yes, they take children away from situations like yours all.the.time.
I don't know, imoan. I think she's in a lot of denial. I don't think she's going to "show" anyone, but I think she just doesn't realize the extent of how terrible an addiction like this can be.
Yeah, I know you're right. This is just ENRAGING me right now for my own personal reasons. I should just stop opening this thread.
Omg, I am seriously SO worried about her baby. And her... but THE BABY! And I don't want to scare her off either, but I want answers to the questions that everyone is asking.
And... it kind of makes me think... why didn't she bring this up to us, or SOMEONE, before she got married? because she didn't want to be talked out of going through with it?
I don't know, imoan. I think she's in a lot of denial. I don't think she's going to "show" anyone, but I think she just doesn't realize the extent of how terrible an addiction like this can be.
Yeah, I know you're right. This is just ENRAGING me right now for my own personal reasons. I should just stop opening this thread.
You have every right to be enraged, imo. It's like watching your childhood unfold.
You know, I'm going to put this out there, too, because you just seem to have no idea what the potential fall out could be.
If he gets caught, YOU will be implicated as well. They will be YOUR drugs, too, at least until everything gets sorted out. How is that going to play out in real life? "Hey, Boss, I won't be in to work for a while. Why? Oh, the hubs and I just got busted for coke and I'm doing what I can to prove its not mine". HOW ON EARTH IS THAT GOING TO LOOK???
Your kid... Do you love him/her yet? Are you thinking about all the wonderful memories s/he will be making in foster care because you will be an unfit parent? And yes, they take children away from situations like yours all.the.time.
Just a few things to think about.
This is an excellent point. Op, I hope you are reading the responses and some sense is getting through to you. Until he is ready to quit, you are all in danger. Good luck.
And I'd also like to understand more about why you decided to go through with the wedding. And start the business. Did you ever discuss post-poning? Did you see marrying the guy as the ultimate act of "support?" Did you think that would really make him love you forever? Except that he was so high and thinking about his next line that he forgot to pay attention??
Also not to get all worst case scenerio on you but if god forbid your husband is ever caught with drugs there is a very good chance your baby will be taken away from you even temporarily.
Look you don't totally know what it feels like to have a child yet. Pregnancy love is not the same as meeting your baby. As a mom that will fucking rip your heart out to think about your baby scared for even a moment. Think about this stuff. It could be your reality.