S/O Bullies

[karinothing]

Were you bullied? If yes, how big was your school?

I was bullied by some neighborhood kids when I was in elementary school, but got sick of it and it was kind of easy to avoid them since they didn't go to my school. As a result, it did not impact me much.

I don't remember anyone getting bullied at my school but I also don't remember there being a set group of popular kids or mean kids. I do remember some of the "preppy" kids saying weird stuff to me after Columbine (I dressed punk) but it was like 2 comments and then it ended. In the end we all got along and were supportive of each other.

I was wondering if the size of a school has any connection to bullying. My HS had over 2000 kids and I think my Jr high had over 1K (not sure about ES). We also always had all outside campuses so I think it would have been "easier" to avoid bullies if there was one since you could take 800 routes to class.

But who knows, maybe none of that matters. Maybe I was blind to bullying (although I really don't think so, I tried to be friends with everyone so I feel like I would have noticed it?).

What was your experience like? Were you bullied? Did you go to a small school or large school?

[bunch]

Yes, but they were specific instances in 7th and 9th grades. It wasn't prolonged or terrible, but I still think about it when I see the jack holes. Eta: I graduated with 604, my hs had 3k.

[cjeanette]

I was in elementary school. I was overweight and was picked on a lot. When I got into middle and high school I really wasn't. Though I don't recall much bullying in my HS.

[Susie]

I wasn't really, but it did go on I think.

My graduating class was around 160.

[HoneySpider]

Yes, I was really bad in 8th grade. I guess my grade had ~450 students?

I was on and off in HS, mainly because I didn't give a shit what people thought and did my own thing. God forbid you don't go along with the herd.

[mbcdefg]

IDK how big my grammar school was, but I usually had about 25 classmates each year. A few people picked on me pretty regularly in 6th and 7th grade.

I went to an all-girls high school with an enrollment of about 300, and I graduated in a class of 60. I was picked on a lot in freshman and sophomore years, and somewhat in the first part of junior year ... once everyone got back from Christmas break, though, somehow everyone started getting along. Senior year was pretty good - a lot of the bullies had calmed down by then, and I'd also settled into my own little clique, I was in clubs, and I gained more confidence and stopped caring so much about what others thought.

I never got into fights. I didn't have a computer until college so no Internet harassment, but I got my own landline phone in h.s. and once I started giving out my number I got a ton of crank calls Some classmates also set me up on a date with a guy they worked with and after the fact I became pretty certain they just did it because they thought it'd be funny. They told me later that they thought he was annoying and weird ... he was nice enough to me but kind of obsessive.

ETA: come to think of it, a lot of the bullying I've encountered over the years has come from my younger sister. Things used to be REALLY bad when we were teenagers, although we get along pretty well now. But there have been times when we're in a group and she's thrown a few snide little comments my way, I guess to show off or whatever. MH finally noticed it one day and asked why the hell I don't put her in her place.

[Deleted]

I went to a small K-12 school, so I had the same classmates the whole time. I had one of the largest grades with around ~70 students, I know there were some grades with as low as 45 or so kids though. Most of the bullying I experienced was in elementary school on the school bus, but it wasn't a big pile-on or anything, just a few kids being assholes. I eventually got sick of it and stood up for myself. I think by the time junior high and high school rolled around, pretty much everyone got along. We're all Facebook friends with one another, for the most part, and I don't know of any big rivalries or anything. The cliques weren't highly defined, imo.

On the other hand, when I was in Kindergarten, there was a girl who was bullied by the entire school. Let's call her Jane Doe. Somehow, someone started "Jane Doe germs", I don't know how it got started but I never even knew it was a person until I got quite a bit older. We would all run around tagging each other and saying "you got Jane Doe germs!! Eww! you're nasty!" and shit like that. We had recess with older kids and interacted with them sometimes, so I think that's how it got started. Anyways, yeah, pretty much the whole school said stuff like that when this girl was in high school, but I think most of the younger kids thought it was the equivalent of a nursery rhyme or having cooties or something. She moved away. I always felt so bad when I was looking through a yearbook years later and saw her name.

[Deleted]

No, never...I went to small catholic school k-6th, public 7-8th & catholic HS. But as I said in other post my 2 older brother bullied, abused, tortured every moment my parents weren't watching & some when they were from pretty much birth until I left home at 17. I'm 37 & still a bit bitter but I let it all out & the family had a big confrontation over it about 12yrs ago. My younger olderbrother admitted it to my parents (backed me up because my mom was in denial & I was just making a big deal over nothing). I forgave him when he took responsibility & admitted how horrible it was...he said everything I said was true & that he went along to avoid being a target. They all confronted my oldest brother & he too has made an effort to make amends with me. He was in his 30s. We aren't close but I've tried to forgive him & move on for my own mental health.

[explorer2001]

I don't remember being bullied before I moved to AZ when I was 8. After that, I can't remember a time where I wasn't being bullied in someway until after HS. Middle school was probably the worst public bullying. My high school was about 5000 people. Outdoor campuses didn't mitigate or eliminate bullying.

I'm a little offended by your posts. I was nice to everyone and tired to be their friend. I was still bullied. I even had a conversation with one of the popular girls who was the worst bully. She freely admitted she knew I was nice but it was more important for her to be popular so she was going to continue to bully me. The whole idea that a kid who is being bullied can somehow avoid it if they just take a different route to class and they are thus somehow complicit in their continuing to be bullied, pisses me off.

Usually the kid being bullied didn't do anything wrong. The bullies are responsible for their choice to bully not the victim. Just like abusers of all stripes are responsible for the abuse they inflict, not the person they abuse. Everyone seemed to agree yesterday that no words could have provoked a certain poster's BIL enough to justify his hitting people. Why is it bullies are being given a pass? This is exactly how they learn that it is ok to bully and abuse. That they will not be held responsible for their actions because they were "provoked" by their victim being different, weaker, disagreeing with them, etc.

::steps off soapbox::

[karinothing]

Oct 12, 2012 13:26:24 GMT -5 explorer2001 said:

I don't remember being bullied before I moved to AZ when I was 8. After that, I can't remember a time where I wasn't being bullied in someway until after HS. Middle school was probably the worst public bullying. My high school was about 5000 people. Outdoor campuses didn't mitigate or eliminate bullying.

I'm a little offended by your posts. I was nice to everyone and tired to be their friend. I was still bullied. I even had a conversation with one of the popular girls who was the worst bully. She freely admitted she knew I was nice but it was more important for her to be popular so she was going to continue to bully me. The whole idea that a kid who is being bullied can somehow avoid it if they just take a different route to class and they are thus somehow complicit in their continuing to be bullied, pisses me off.

Usually the kid being bullied didn't do anything wrong. The bullies are responsible for their choice to bully not the victim. Just like abusers of all stripes are responsible for the abuse they inflict, not the person they abuse. Everyone seemed to agree yesterday that no words could have provoked a certain poster's BIL enough to justify his hitting people. Why is it bullies are being given a pass? This is exactly how they learn that it is ok to bully and abuse. That they will not be held responsible for their actions because they were "provoked" by their victim being different, weaker, disagreeing with them, etc.

::steps off soapbox::

Oh! I didn't mean I was not bullied becuase I was nice and tried to be friends with everyone. I mean I would hope that someone would tell me that they were being bullied OR that I would have noticed someone being bullied becuase I tried to talk to anyone.

I also apologize for the outdoor comment. I didn't really mean that peopel could avoid bullying by taking different routes. I just pictured indoor HS with one small hallway and how much easier it would be for people to gang up on a kid if they had no escape route. I wasn't trying to place the blame on the victim, so I apologize if it came off that way.

[starlily]

I was bullied from 4th-8th grade after switching schools due to moving. Nothing physical, but lots of teasing, name calling, being excluded from activities, etc.

This was at a Catholic school. Three were 35 in my class, around 70 in the entire grade.

[explorer2001]

Kari, we're cool. I figured as much because it's not like you.

Still I think it is important for a lot of what said to be pointed out. Things got better later in HS in part because strangers came to my defense and stood up to certain public bullying and helped make that stop. I'd love to see more people standing up for victims.

[karinothing]

Oct 12, 2012 13:42:53 GMT -5 explorer2001 said:

Kari, we're cool. I figured as much because it's not like you.

Still I think it is important for a lot of what said to be pointed out. Things got better later in HS in part because strangers came to my defense and stood up to certain public bullying and helped make that stop. I'd love to see more people standing up for victims.

I am glad someone came to your defense. I hope if I would have known about bullying that I would have done the same. You went to HS in AZ right? I think we discussed this before, but I can't remember where you went.

[80sjunkie]

Yes, in 4th and 5th grade by many people in school. It started with a small group but then caught on with others. Normal size elementary school I guess (probably six 5th grade classes or so). It was awful.

[Awkward]

I hate to admit this, but there's a strong chance I WAS the bully in elementary school. I remember spending a lot of time with the guidance counselor to learn how to make friends and getting "rewards" when I got along with the other kids for a whole week.

By middle school I had closed up into my protective shell of debilitating shyness. A handful of popular girls picked on me, but I knew they were trash and tried not to let it bother me.

All of this was in huge public schools. By 8th grade my best friends were girls in my Girl Scout troop. There were only about 8 of us so we were super close. I was psyched that one of them was coming with me to the Catholic high school instead of public.

I tried hanging out with her for most of freshmen year. It became pretty clear that the fact that I was poorer than most of them and didn't dress like them was going to make high school tough. March of freshman year I got a note in my locker saying that I was never ever allowed to talk to her again and that I was a horrible, ugly, fat girl who shouldn't be allowed at this school.

Bitch showed up at the Girl Scout meeting the next night like nothing happened! Luckily the other girls took my side and my "friend" quit within a month. High school was hell.

[gibbinator]

I was the bully in elementary school. I feel so bad about it and apologized a million times. I honestly just thought we were having fun.

In highschool I wasn't bullied exactly, but one of the popular guys would make a lot of rude comments about me within earshot - he even made a 5min speech to math class about what a friendless loser I was. To this day I don't know why the teacher didn't shut him up.

About 300ish in our school

[winnied]

A little in elementary and middle school but nothing huge and I had a quick tongue, a good little group of friends, and hit a kid or too and it was fine.

My brother was bullied until college. He has a few disabilities (nothing terribly severe or obvious, like a wheelchair or autism) but because he was a little different but not *too* different he was treated like shit. Oddly enough, the kids with severe disabilities at our schools were treated with complete kindness, and thank goodness! He had a little pack of friends that probably kept him from getting really depressed about it and my parents stayed on top of the schools.

This was in schools with around 800 students both public and private.

[Deleted]

For a while especially in 7th grade in band by the 8th grade girls. Boys said a lot of really inappropriate things in 7th-12th grade. Usually the ones who were of comparable social status (kind of dorky but pretty normal like me). I'm really not sure why teachers didn't work harder to squash that. It didn't bother me much. Other random outbreaks of mean-girlness. Some of it was sustained, but not sure it was specific or intense enough to be considered bullying. Definitely inappropriate.

The high school send some letter to my parents when I was in 9th grade commending me for being nice to outcast kids, but I don't really remember that. Since I've always been outgoing, pretty much anyone that wanted to hang with me is welcome as long as they seem like decent people. I wanted to be popular but didn't really see it as a realistic goal, ha!

[mrssandro]

Yes. I was bullied. For several reasons really. I grew up in a really small town where everybody knew everybody. I was diagnosed with manic depression when I was 6. I didn't grow out of it until my late teens. I was made fun of because I was a EASY target and they knew if they bullied me that they could/would make me cry. I think honestly I got stronger from it. I wanted to leave that town as soon as I was able. Which I did. Went to DFW and started my life. Never looked back. I was very resentful and angry at my high school experience in my early twenties. But now I have sorta accepted it. I am way more confident with myself than I used to be. It used to bother me to be different. But now I know that while I may have been different that there isn't anything wrong with that.

[stephm0188]

Not really. Not any more so than any other kid. "Hey Step-on-me, you're so short. When are you going to grow?" I mean, really. It's lame and that was about it.

My graduating class was around 250. Everyone knew everyone. I wasn't in the popular group, but I wasn't in the misfit group, either. My friends and I were average and I got along pretty well with everyone.

I can not even fathom what kids go through now with the internet and technology. It makes me nervous for my kid to go to school, but I don't want him to see that. I have a friend who was bullied terribly on the school bus as a kid, so now she won't let her kids ride the bus. Overkill.

[explorer2001]

Oct 12, 2012 13:45:03 GMT -5 karinothing said:

Oct 12, 2012 13:42:53 GMT -5 explorer2001 said:

Kari, we're cool. I figured as much because it's not like you.

Still I think it is important for a lot of what said to be pointed out. Things got better later in HS in part because strangers came to my defense and stood up to certain public bullying and helped make that stop. I'd love to see more people standing up for victims.

I am glad someone came to your defense. I hope if I would have known about bullying that I would have done the same. You went to HS in AZ right? I think we discussed this before, but I can't remember where you went.

YGPM.

I know in many ways I was lucky. I'm still sad that my brother was more a part of the bullying group and never came to my defense. As a matter of fact what makes me even sadder is that he never outgrew it and still tries to bully to get his way now. It's pathetic in an adult.

[mrsnewhudson]

Yes, I was bullied on a daily basis from middle school through HS. None of the bullying was physical, but they would laugh and call me names about my looks, mostly my bad hair and thick glasses.

It really effected me, and by freshman year I was in a deep depression and began cutting myself on a regular basis. I still have problems with self esteem and self worth.

Bullies are the worst!

I went to a smaller school in an affluent city. My graduating class had 120 and HS had about 500 students.

[Deleted]

I was bullied from 5-6th grade pretty badly. one time a girl actually picked a huge bloody tick off her dog, brought it to school in a bag, then tried putting it in my hair when I wasn't looking.

I came home crying every single day until my parents let me switch schools.

there were only ~20 kids in my class. a handful of them participated in the bullying - no one ever tried to intervene. two other students were also targets. it's cool though, I am legit better than all of them.* suck it, brittany.

*poor town, 7+ of my old classmates "accidentally" got pregnant in high school or college without the means of caring for a kid, most dropped out of school, none that I know of were able to leave Indiana.

[fuddyduddy]

No. I think I blended into the background too much for anyone to bother. I was extremely shy and self-aware and took care to avoid rocking the proverbial boat.

[shell403b]

Yes, all through HS from mainly one girl. She damn near pushed me off the stage in our 11th grade HS musical. She was such a bitch. She's still around where I grew up, and I don't go to functions when I know she'll be there, b/c from what I've heard through the gossip mill, she's still exactly.the.same. and I don't have any patience for that b/c it's such bullshit.

What was truly fucked up is that I had frenemies, before that was even a word. Girls that I thought were my friends that really weren't, that talked a bunch of smack behind my back and I didn't even know it was going on. I think that hurt even worse than random girls "bullying" me. Dudes that are your friends don't usually do that, so it's really no wonder that I now have WAY more guy friends than girl friends.

[boiler717]

I had a group of senior girls that were pretty mean at the beginning of my freshman year. I was dating a senior and that was the cause of most of it, but I think it was common for seniors to target a few freshman girls each year. A teacher locked it down and it stopped once we had dated awhile and it was "serious" instead of a more casual thing.

I also had another girl in my class that I cheered with that was just brutal to me 75% of the time and the tried to be besties the rest of the time. She apologized to my SIL a couple of years ago for being so mean to me.

[dr.girlfriend]

I had one major bully who made several years of middle school a torment for me. She would write "X is a fag" on a piece of paper and have everyone in the class sign it, try to push me down the stairs, etc. Otherwise, there were things that were probably more racial, especially at certain times. When we were really young, some teenagers chased my sister and I and threw rocks at us, and said our faces were dirty. During the first Gulf War some punks actually left a message on our answering machine telling my parents "we're gonna rape your Arab daughters." When Temple of Doom came out I got a lot of "You eat eyeballs! You eat monkey brains!" stuff. :-P We grew up in a very small Oklahoma town, and we were one of three (Asian) Indian families.

[Deleted]

Yes. And it was horrible. THe girl that builllied me was threatning to kill me daily. When she finally called me at home and said she was bringing a knife to school to kill me it was only then my mom stepped in and called the police. She was called into the office and her bag searched and sure enough was a huge kitchen knife and she admitted to wanting to kill me that day before lunch.
ANd you know what happened? She was susspended for maybe a week then back to school. I had to endure the rest of the year with her. Everyone driopped the ball.
This was back in the 80's when no one was all about this bullying thing. SHe was a troubled girl (odviously) that had a crappy home life and I was the girl that came from a well off family, had horses, got them for my birthday and I think she was always envious. Her own mother walked out on her and her sister and lived with their dad on an indian reservation in very poor conditions.
Once High School staretd her reputation of her and her sister were that of hard core druggies and no one would give them the time of day when they attended school. THey eventually dropped out, the one bugging me all the time got knocked up, and her sisiter became a meth addict. I did look up the one that bullied me everyday and turns out her kid turned out just like her and it expecting his first kid at 18. I have zero contact with any of them.

[thumper55]

Yes I was bullied in elementary school daily. It was always at lunch, recess, or on the bus.

One year I got transferred to another school, and it was especially bad there. I would be ganged up on by several girls at a time.

things that happened:

lots of taunting, name calling, racist remarks
following me, kicking me in the back
spit in my face
chewed up food spat on my face
things thrown at me
being pushed out of my seat (alot) on the bus, so I'd have to stand in the aisle
backpack being toss around

[Deleted]

I was bullied in the hallways because of my race. I am white. I graduated in a class of 420 and 9 were white. Other than that, I had a lot of friends.