Poll: Job you love vs job that's meh?

[Deleted]

Throwing a kid into the mix definitely complicates things. I would go for the longer hours with no kids, but it would be more of a toss-up once the kid comes along.

[h]

I would be torn. While I would love to adore my job, 70 hours a week is more than I am personally comfortable being away from my kids on a continual basis (an occasional busy week or a temporary situation would be different). If I could do 20-30 of the hours when my kids are asleep, I would probably do the job I love. If not, I think I would tolerate the meh job.

[dexteroni]

I would take the job I love and at least try it. If I can deal with the workload and not seeing my child that much, great. If not, I know I can always look for something more like the meh job. But if I took the meh job first, I would always wonder if I could have made the awesome job work.

[womet]

I would take the job I love. Even though your hours are longer, there is also a lesson to children about loving what you do.

[chessie]

Job you love of course. Besides being the job you love, and the $$ - it will make your life happier in the long run, since its the job you want. Your kids, family will see how you love that job at least, instead of you being a nag about it. Most people would understand working extra hours for these things in a second. Other spouse I would think work a bit less- maybe a regular 8-5 job and pick up the slack while the other spouse works the extra hours. Completely doable and something I would do.

[h]

chessie brings up a good point--the other parent's schedule would influence my vote. My dad always worked 80 hour weeks at a job he loves to this day when we were growing up, but my mom was a SAHM, so there was always someone around. One parent working 70 hours and one working 40 hours or less works. Both parents working 70 hours a week on a regular basis is not something I would do. But obviously every family is different, and you have to do what works for yours.

[slug*bug]

With a kid? Fewer hours, no question. No amount of money (or even a job that was love vs. 'meh') would make me happy if I felt like I wasn't seeing my kids enough.

Without kids, I think you could easily go for the 'love' job, but it's definitely the kids that are the dealbreaker in the equation for me.

[dexteroni]

Oh - Blessed! I didn't notice this was you. If this is a real situation for you guys, I would for sure go with the job you love. Since you don't have kids yet, you could feasibly work the job for a full year before kids come into the picture. By that time you might be able to figure out how to tweak it a bit to make it fit your kid-having lives better. And if not, at least it's on your resume in case you want to get back into this kind of job when your kids are older.

[Deleted]

Job you love. For sure.

Especially in your case because you don't sleep

Plus, can't you change your hours in the future when having a kid is a reality? Do all doctors of your chosen speciality work those long hours even after practicing a few years in their private practices?

[theintended]

I think flexibility > hours when it comes to making parenting and working easier. 70 hours completed when it's convenient to you is better than 50 fixed hours.

But I'm guessing that may not apply in your case.

[Deleted]

May 21, 2012 11:37:32 GMT -5 theintended said:

I think flexibility > hours when it comes to making parenting and working easier. 70 hours completed when it's convenient to you is better than 50 fixed hours.

But I'm guessing that may not apply in your case.

I think her preferred job would involve lots of middle of the night phone calls, paging her to the hospital.

[Deleted]

More money AND you love it?

No-brainer to me.

[ECB]

With kids, less hours. I could NOT imagine working 70 hours w/ a child. Honestly, I'd be questioning my decision to have a child if I was pretty much never there to spend time with him! And I don't see how you can really spend GOOD quality time w/ a child if you're working that many hours. I just don't.

And as someone else mentioned- your spouse's schedule plays a role too. I'm unfortunately very limited in my options right now because of DH's schedule. But that's another story.

[Deleted]

I would do what I loved. And use the extra money to pay a fabulous nanny if needed or to pay for spouse to not work.

I think a happy person, even if they are not present as often makes for a way better home life.

Now if this will take a toll on your health, that's another issue to decide.

[Deleted]

May 21, 2012 11:52:07 GMT -5 @blessed said:

May 21, 2012 11:48:29 GMT -5 @misoangry said:

More money AND you love it?

No-brainer to me.

I don't know what you posted. Remember I just see red Xs with most images.

[Deleted]

May 21, 2012 11:49:28 GMT -5 ECB said:

With kids, less hours. I could NOT imagine working 70 hours w/ a child. Honestly, I'd be questioning my decision to have a child if I was pretty much never there to spend time with him! And I don't see how you can really spend GOOD quality time w/ a child if you're working that many hours. I just don't.

[Deleted]

some of the smilies are proboard, others are pics added from TN- i think Miso probably can't see those

[Deleted]

I can only see Proboard emoticons.

[Deleted]

May 21, 2012 11:49:28 GMT -5 ECB said:

With kids, less hours. I could NOT imagine working 70 hours w/ a child. Honestly, I'd be questioning my decision to have a child if I was pretty much never there to spend time with him! And I don't see how you can really spend GOOD quality time w/ a child if you're working that many hours. I just don't.

Is it your contention that a woman who works 70 hours a week should not have children?

Or should no woman work 70 hours a week?

[Deleted]

Job you love, definitely.

The kid factor makes things more complicated but hopefully you would have a situation where one parent doesn't have to work 60+ hours a week.

[chessie]

May 21, 2012 12:03:12 GMT -5 @misoangry said:

May 21, 2012 11:49:28 GMT -5 ECB said:

With kids, less hours. I could NOT imagine working 70 hours w/ a child. Honestly, I'd be questioning my decision to have a child if I was pretty much never there to spend time with him! And I don't see how you can really spend GOOD quality time w/ a child if you're working that many hours. I just don't.

Is it your contention that a woman who works 70 hours a week should not have children?

Or should no woman work 70 hours a week?

This argument again..EH, back to this..its about quality not quanity. Lots of working parents do this, kids are in school 80% of the day they dont notice their parents are working most of the day anyway.

[wanderlustmom]

I am a mom of two kids and I couldn't sustain a 70 hour work week period, even if I had a trailing spouse or SAHD. Personally no amount of money would work.

I would choose the less paying job with fewer hours until my kids finished high school and then game on, I want the job I'd love more if they'd still want me then.

I wouldn't judge anyone taking the extra hours and I'm sure that additional money could buy more conveniences like a nanny, laundry service and cleaning service, I just want that flexibility now that I'm a mom and I prioritize it over anything else. And it's not at all because I think the kids won't be fine, kids are fine if they have the right daycare/nanny situation, I just wouldn't be fine. 18 years is a flash in the pan.

[heygrey]

the job you love with the hope that it could scale back when you do have kids. or if you decide you can't tweak the schedule and can't handle the long hours with kids, i'd consider moving to a less demanding job then. why sell yourself short now when you don't have kids?

and for me, if i got the dream job (working on that right now) i'd be way more inclined to put off having kids for a few more years, whereas i'd be happy to start popping them out tomorrow if i have to take a job i'm just meh about.

[Deleted]

There are also other things you can do. You still have some time to decide. Aren't you interested in public health? H has a few residency friends who are EIS fellows at the CDC. www.cdc.gov/eis/index.html

[kershnic]

May 21, 2012 11:48:40 GMT -5 @blessed said:

May 21, 2012 11:30:42 GMT -5 @iheartcosmos said:

Job you love. For sure.

Especially in your case because you don't sleep

Plus, can't you change your hours in the future when having a kid is a reality? Do all doctors of your chosen speciality work those long hours even after practicing a few years in their private practices?

Lol very true about the no sleep. Yeah I think the field is kind of what you make it eventually, don't have to do surgeries, call, etc but in the beginning I know it will suck hours wise. And when I say in the beginning that's 4 years of residency plus a few more years to establish yourself. A kid would have happen sometime during those years.

I always hear people say do what you love, so I was just curious if that would be the consensus on here.

You've already put in so much time and work (and presumably money) to get where you're going in your career... I personally can't imagine "settling" for the 50 hr/week career at this point. If your spouse has a more managable work week and is amenable to taking on more childcare responsibilities, I'd totally go for the job you'd love. Being away from your kid(s) for that long sounds really hard, so I wouldn't blame you for not making that choice, but I certainly don't think you should feel guilty for going for your dream. My sister is doctor in a speciality field and she knows a lot of people who have made having kids work during residency, and I have a friend who just had a baby mid-residency.

[kershnic]

I should add too, you never know what's going to happen. Obviously I hope you'll be able to conceive quickly and easily when you decide to go for it, but my sister had planned to have a first child during fellowship and ended up having a long battle with IF and not having children until she was an attending. I can only imagine how she would have felt during that if she had chosen her field based on their plans to have children.

[mbcdefg]

Even if I loved the work, I would never be happy working five 14-hour days/seven 10-hour days. Especially if I had a family waiting for me at home.

If I was single, maybe, but my free time is worth more to me than my career so it'd still be a tough decision. If I'm making a decent living and I'm not stuck in a job I hate, then I'd much rather earn less but have more time to myself.

[h]

May 21, 2012 13:23:41 GMT -5 chessie said:

May 21, 2012 12:03:12 GMT -5 @misoangry said:

Is it your contention that a woman who works 70 hours a week should not have children?

Or should no woman work 70 hours a week?

This argument again..EH, back to this..its about quality people, not quality. Lots of working parents do this, kids are in school 80% of the day they dont notice their parents are working most of the day anyway.

I work and have kids, I am supportive of working parents, I would never pick an arbitrary number and tell another parent how much time spent working is too much, and I am particularly annoyed that the working too much crap is generally aimed only at women. But I do think it is reasonable to admit that there is a limit to which quality time can make up for lack of quantity. Doesn't there come a point where there is simply not enough time in the day?

My dad worked 80-100 hour weeks at a job he loved and still loves to this day. He is a nice guy and was a perfectly good father when he was around. But he was never around. I like him, I respect him, I think he is truly awesome at his job, but I don't feel like I know him that well, and I think our closeness has been limited by the fact that he simply didn't have much time to spend with his kids. I think it is fine that he worked a lot, and I think it is fine for other parents to do the same. I am not saying parents with long hours shouldn't have kids--it often makes sense for a parent to work really long hours, whether out of need or for love of the job. But I think we need to be honest about the fact that working extremely long hours comes at a cost. I don't think it as easy as saying "do the job you love--it's quality time that counts" without accounting for the fact that 30 hours a week of quality time with your kid versus 15 hours a week of quality time with your kid can make a big difference in your relationship with them. While I really, really wish it weren't the case, I think we are kidding ourselves if we try to pretend that quality time is all that matters.

[Deleted]

What would your hours/days be like? If some of the 70 hrs is overnight it might be more doable or if it's broken up into smaller chunks. I actually think it would be easier w/ smaller children so if you do your residency and establish yourself say in 7 years, have a kid 3 years into it and then they are 4 and you can cut back. I think it gets harder to juggle everything the older they get b/c then you start missing sports activities and programs, etc.

[Deleted]

I'm going to admit *I* probably would not want to have a kid working 70 hours a week. I biotch about my 50-60 hours now. BUT I also don't love what I do (as evidenced by how often I am on GBCN).

BUT if I LOVED what I did, I think I'd suck up the 70 hour weeks for a few years.