So when you're a guest for dinner...

[ejpint]

...and the meal is not something you would eat, how do you handle this?

This is inspired by NQB's barf casserole post, as well as a weekend visit to my SIL. She served a big pot of something involving baked beans, ground beef and cut up hot dogs. I am very nearly vegetarian, and on the occasions I do eat meat, I'm careful to choose organic. All that aside, the dish just looked gross to me.

I didn't feel like I could say, "Sorry, I'm vegetarian", since it's not really true, but I also wasn't going to be the ass who says, "Oh, this isn't organic?" I took what was served and just sort of picked out the odd bean, but it was basically untouched when she cleared the bowls.

Do you suck it up and just eat what is served? Lie and say you're not hungry? I'm often "not hungry" when we eat with his family, and I know they notice.

[cahabalily]

Haven't we been down this road before?

If I am invited, I will offer to bring something (I have dietary restrictions personally). If the host/ess refuses, I'll explain that I have dietary restrictions for medical reasons and don't want to be a burden.

If it were simply that I didn't want to eat what was served, I would suck it up and eat it

[Deleted]

May 21, 2012 10:15:30 GMT -5 ejpint said:

She served a big pot of something involving baked beans, ground beef and cut up hot dogs.

WTF?

[chessie]

Normally take a small portion- most of the time I always bring something I know 100% I will eat for backup Normally if its "mystery meat" I take a little..get some bread and break it up on the plate like I have eaten some.

[Deleted]

That sounds nasty...but yeah, I'd suck it up and eat it, or I'd start offering to bring food if this were the norm. Were there enough sides to eat?

[gt7301b]

I bring something I will eat (usually a salad or dessert). There are almost always sides I can eat at any meal.

[mrssavy42112]

Well, I'm vegan & have a lot of food allergies, so I have an excuse. I always eat before I go somewhere because I know there will likely be little for me. If possible, I try to bring something that I can eat. If not, I just say no thanks & keep going. If someone keeps pushing me, then I kindly explain that I'm vegan or allergic. That's it. No preaching about animal killing or demanding something else. I'd never just eat it. But the vast majority of the time I'm going to a friend's house anyway & all of my friends know my restrictions & allergies, so I usually don't have to worry.

[dexteroni]

Because this is your family, it would probably help you to establish your eating situation with them so you don't have to revisit this every time. "I hope no one takes it personally that I rarely eat meat. If I don't eat much, I promise it's not a slight against your cooking." Then in the future, just don't take any of what you don't like, and when you get invitations, offer to bring something.

[ESF]

I don't have dietary restrictions, so yes, I eat the food that is served to me as a guest.

If there are several dishes and it's a sit down dinner - eg like a meat, and several sides, and one of the sides is not something I like, I will usually at least take a tiny portion to try. It's the polite thing to do. If it's more of a pot luck/ buffet thing, then I probably would not take the one item I didn't like.

If everything looks gross, I just do the best I can to appear as if I am enjoying it. It's not like I'm going to die from eating something nasty.

[noodleoo]

I've never been in a situation that I can remember where the food was so bad I couldn't eat at least a little of it. So I just take a small portion and eat a little. And then lie and say how good it was when I'm asked. If asked about not eating much, I make up some excuse about having had a big lunch.

This is one situation where honesty is usually not the best policy. I haven't yet figured out how to tell someone I don't like their cooking without offending them. If anyone does, let me know!

[minniebee]

I've never been to a dinner party where there was not one single thing I would eat. I'm picky about meat, but other than that, I'll eat just about anything. There are always side dishes I will eat if the main dish isn't something I care to have.

The bean-beef-hot dog thing sounds gross. Were there side dishes that looked better? If so, I would have skipped the main dish and just eaten sides. You can always say that you don't care for hot dogs or whatever. No one is going to force you to eat something you say that you don't like. If the host/hostess is going to be really bothered that a guest didn't care for their main dish, they should have offered options or asked in advance if there were any diet restrictions (which would have given you the opportunity to say that you prefer a vegetarian option if possible). If they didn't ask in advance, they can't be surprised when the meal doesn't fit everyone's tastes/diets and it shouldn't bother them too much.

[hocus]

I don't eat things I don't like. I often just eat salads and sides. I don't bring attention to this, which would be rude.

[Mrs.Beagle]

If she's your SIL, isn't she aware of your preference? Does she know you don't really eat meat and she just doesn't care?

[flygirl22]

Suck it up and eat it. There is no way to get around this unless you actually have dietary restrictions or you brought your own food to share.

[psyck]

I'm a vegetarian, and I don't eat seafood or poultry either. I typically will eat the side dishes and if I'm still hungry when we leave, we'll stop somewhere on the way home. In my family, I'll usually bring a boca burger for me.

[drloretta]

I suck it up, eat a small amount, and either have more sides or get something on the way home. And we adjust for future visits. For example, bro and SIL are vegan. She loves to cook, but DH is picky and hates most of what she makes. We stop at McD's on the way to their house just so he can eat a little of what she has and won't starve.

[btay]

I am the worlds pickiest eater, so I usually ask in advance what is being served. If it is something I do not like then I eat ahead of time. If it is a spur of the moment thing then I'll just pick at whatever sides are being served since there is usually at least one thing I'll eat.

[Deleted]

I suck it up, but I usually eat very little.

This happens often when my MIL cooks.

[definitelyO]

If you have allergies - are a trure vegetarian or vegan then your family would know and you can eat something else. if you just don't like what's being served - then I say suck it up and eat a little or eat around it and call it a day. I don't like eating meat - but am not vegetarian. A friend of ours invited us to dinner and served pot roast. I ate a very small piece and then the rest of the sides/veggies, salad, etc... she realized the next time they invited us over that I didn't eat meat and was apologetic.

[audette]

I eat what I'm served. Hopefully, things are served family style, so I can take very little of whatever looks unappetizing, and have more of whatever else looks better.


I have no real dietary restrictions (I have preferences, as I am trying to lose weight, but it's not the same as being allergic or intolerant). If I did, I might have to apologize, say that I am allergic to the dish, and that I would happily eat the other items available.


I don't really understand the fuss over unappetizing food. Yeah, it might not be great, but it's unlikely to make you sick (unless you really are allergic or intolerant). It's generally considered rude to refuse food, and it doesn't take eating much of it to satisfy social norms.

[dragonfly08]

I just choose from the options I do like (I've never been a guest at a meal where there was *nothing* I'd eat). So I'll fill up on salads or sides if I don't care for the entree, although I will take at least a small portion and try it - or make it look like I've tried it. Then I'll eat something after I go home if I'm still hungry.

[Deleted]

May 21, 2012 10:34:30 GMT -5 dexteroni said:

Because this is your family, it would probably help you to establish your eating situation with them so you don't have to revisit this every time. "I hope no one takes it personally that I rarely eat meat. If I don't eat much, I promise it's not a slight against your cooking." Then in the future, just don't take any of what you don't like, and when you get invitations, offer to bring something.

Best.

[ejpint]

There were no side dishes. I've learned that my H's family serves some nasty stuff (in my opinion), and I brought a nice tray of fruit along. They grew up in a huge family, so they've always served what I think of as Duggar-style meals. Cheap, massive quantities.

I've expressed before that I'm not really a big meat eater, and that I don't drink milk, but there's never any other options (and always a glass of milk poured at my place). I really don't expect them to work around me, but I don't want to be rude in my response.

[basilosaurus]

May 21, 2012 11:25:22 GMT -5 littlespitfire said:

May 21, 2012 10:47:48 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

Eh. You're talking about a pretty common dish here.

I'm horrifed that this dish is "common."

Me, too. I figured it was a dish born of having to use up fridge items. It honestly sounds revolting. Thankfully, I've never been faced with being served nasty food.

I'm a rare meat eater, and my friends and family know it; they wouldn't take offense if I skipped the meat course, even if I'm willing to eat meat on other occasions. When I do eat meat, it had better be good. It certainly won't be hot dogs.

[Deleted]

May 21, 2012 10:34:30 GMT -5 dexteroni said:

Because this is your family, it would probably help you to establish your eating situation with them so you don't have to revisit this every time. "I hope no one takes it personally that I rarely eat meat. If I don't eat much, I promise it's not a slight against your cooking." Then in the future, just don't take any of what you don't like, and when you get invitations, offer to bring something.

My MIL knows I don't eat a lot of what she makes (mainly because everything she makes tastes bad) so I can't really establish eating guidelines with her. I can't tell her I dont like leg of lamb or lasagna or even chicken when I do-- just not when she cooks it.

Also, to avoid this situation, I often volunteer to cook, and we try to get them to go out to eat.

[Deleted]

I have only had this happen once--I went to my old boss's house and the main dish was cheesy potato soup with sour cream. Dairy is about the only thing I don't eat. But it does cause problems because people love to smother otherwise edible foods in cheese;)

I ate a very small bowl with and some bread.

Normally I just eat what I like and don't worry about. It won't waste away.

I always ask what dislikes people have before they come to my house.

My husband and my sister eat pretty much exactly the opposite things. The only thing they both like is cheese. Sigh. We go out to eat normally.

[ejpint]

May 21, 2012 11:46:07 GMT -5 @iheartcosmos said:

May 21, 2012 10:34:30 GMT -5 dexteroni said:

Because this is your family, it would probably help you to establish your eating situation with them so you don't have to revisit this every time. "I hope no one takes it personally that I rarely eat meat. If I don't eat much, I promise it's not a slight against your cooking." Then in the future, just don't take any of what you don't like, and when you get invitations, offer to bring something.

My MIL knows I don't eat a lot of what she makes (mainly because everything she makes tastes bad) so I can't really establish eating guidelines with her. I can't tell her I dont like leg of lamb or lasagna or even chicken when I do-- just not when she cooks it.

Also, to avoid this situation, I often volunteer to cook, and we try to get them to go out to eat.

I think my in-laws are just mostly clueless, and don't understand that anyone wouldn't eat meat or drink milk. We're also just newlywed enough that there's still an amount of awkwardness.

MIL called H yesterday morning to ask why I wasn't eating Saturday night, and if I was "unhappy". WTF. He told her once again that I don't really eat meat, but I guarantee next time I'm at his mother's or one of his sister's houses, there will be some kind of random meat dish in a huge pot served with milk to drink.

I'm probably blowing this out of proportion, I just don't want them to think I'm being rude or stuck up if I don't eat or bring my food every time.

[basilosaurus]

Is it possible they thought that was a meat-light dish and that they were accommodating you? I run into that with my family sometimes. My dad thinks that serving me a small steak after making chicken the night before is going light on the meat.

[RitzyHeifer]

May 21, 2012 11:40:57 GMT -5 ejpint said:

I've expressed before that I'm not really a big meat eater, and that I don't drink milk, but there's never any other options (and always a glass of milk poured at my place). I really don't expect them to work around me, but I don't want to be rude in my response.

Ha! MIL once made hamburgers because she knew that I don't like beef. Yes, really.

Most of the time I just don't eat, but meals at their house are chaos (like, uh, everything at their house) so FIL and SIL will be eating in front of the TV in the other room, nephews are running around like wild children, meal is served 3-4 hours after planned, etc. so no one really notices me. You can't do that at a meal where every one sits at the table together.

[Deleted]

I'm a very picky eater. Everyone that knows me knows this. I can almost find something I can eat even if it's not much. If people ask me what I will eat I tell them not to worry about me, fix whatever they want and I'll be fine. At the same time, don't be offended if I don't eat your food. It's not you, it's me. It seems to work fine for me thus far. Or maybe people just think I'm a royal bitch.