Moms w/kids - WWYD?

[turtle1120]

I need some opinions. If I'm being irrational - please let me know.

Our custody papers say that if Ex or I are taking DD out of state, we must let the other know of the destination and the duration of the trip.

Ex emailed me to "confirm" the time for his next visit. I'm not sure why he needed to because it's very clearly spelled out in a court order. I normally pick DD up at his house after her visit with him, but he offered to drop her off at home next time. He's only done this one time before and it was when he took her to see his family out of state. He didn't mention anything about going out of state with her.

I responded and said that was fine, and reminded him that he has to let me know if he's taking DD out of state. He responded and said he's taking her to see his family. His parents are divorced and don't live near each other at all. I asked him to let me know where they were going. He's ignoring me.

Does he have to tell me? And what do I do if he doesn't? I feel like the custody judgment requires more information than he's giving me. I don't have a problem with DD going - I just want to know where she's going to be. To me, somewhere in the state of XXXX isn't going to cut it.

[BlueBayou]

Maybe you should email him back the portion of the decree that states the specifics as a friendly reminder? Does the decree says it has to be in writing or any permission?

[lovelybb]

Also, let him what you just stated here... that you obviously don't have a problem with him taking her but for your peace of mind to let you know the details.

[turtle1120]

The decree doesn't say it has to be in writing, but we haven't talked on the phone in almost 2 years now. Email is the only way we communicate. It doesn't state that he needs permission, but I do have sole legal and physical custody.

I may specifically refer to the paragraph that spells it out if he continues to ignore me, but I don't know what to do if he doesn't cooperate. Do I not let her go with him? Do I let her go and take him back to court over it? I really don't want to go back to court, but at the same time things will never be any different if I just let him do whatever he pleases.

[doriswe]

I'm with lovelybb on this.
I'd also say it depends on how far out of state he's going. I can get to MN in less than an hour and it's not at all unusual for me or XH to take DS out of state and we wouldn't tell the other parent....when I took DS to IL, I made sure XH knew about that trip.

[ECB]

Before copying and pasting the decree, I'd more clearly say "Based on the court order, if you're taking her out of state, you need to let me know where, when and for how long. I have no problem with you taking her, but I do want to know the details. Please give me that information ASAP.".

Then see what he says/does.

[turtle1120]

Oct 16, 2012 12:04:51 GMT -5 doriswe said:

I'm with lovelybb on this.
I'd also say it depends on how far out of state he's going. I can get to MN in less than an hour and it's not at all unusual for me or XH to take DS out of state and we wouldn't tell the other parent....when I took DS to IL, I made sure XH knew about that trip.

It's not right over the boarder. It's about 2 to 3 hours away, depending on where she's going.

He's doing it to be a dick and that's the irritating part. The last time he took her, he told me he was going to his dad's house. I had no problem with it and didn't say a single negative thing about it.

[turtle1120]

Oct 16, 2012 12:10:24 GMT -5 ECB said:

Before copying and pasting the decree, I'd more clearly say "Based on the court order, if you're taking her out of state, you need to let me know where, when and for how long. I have no problem with you taking her, but I do want to know the details. Please give me that information ASAP.".

Then see what he says/does.

I did almost exactly this, and he's ignoring me.

He's testing his limits.

[ECB]

Oct 16, 2012 12:15:25 GMT -5 turtle1120 said:

I did almost exactly this, and he's ignoring me.

He's testing his limits.

Grrrr. Can you ask your attorney what legally you have the right to do if he doesn't comply? I'd just be concerned that if you let him get away with this, then next time it will be something else, then something else, etc.

[roselis]

Oct 16, 2012 12:25:33 GMT -5 ECB said:

Oct 16, 2012 12:15:25 GMT -5 turtle1120 said:

I did almost exactly this, and he's ignoring me.

He's testing his limits.

Grrrr. Can you ask your attorney what legally you have the right to do if he doesn't comply? I'd just be concerned that if you let him get away with this, then next time it will be something else, then something else, etc.

I'm with ECB. You might want to talk to an attorney and document it.

[turtle1120]

Oct 16, 2012 12:29:38 GMT -5 @roselis said:

Oct 16, 2012 12:25:33 GMT -5 ECB said:

Grrrr. Can you ask your attorney what legally you have the right to do if he doesn't comply? I'd just be concerned that if you let him get away with this, then next time it will be something else, then something else, etc.

I'm with ECB. You might want to talk to an attorney and document it.

This is what I'm afraid of too.

I really don't want to call my attorney because we seriously just settled this a month ago, after a two year battle that cost me a shit-ton of money. I do have a friend who's a family law attorney. Maybe I'll see what she thinks I should do?

[naeljun]

I would just send an email that says, "I know you are taking her to family but which one?" Mom or dad?

[stephbfan]

I bet its frustrating but other than to document it, I don't see what else can you do about it

[prettyinpearls]

Make the attempts to get answers, and if he doesn't comply send a letter of complaint to the courts. You're not asking the courts to DO anything, but it shows (on record) that your X is violating your CO. You'll need this on record should he continue this pattern of behavior and you want to file contempt charges on him.

In my state, I only have 7 days after an incident to file a complaint. You may want to check your states requirements on this.

[turtle1120]

Oct 16, 2012 12:42:31 GMT -5 naeljun said:

I would just send an email that says, "I know you are taking her to family but which one?" Mom or dad?

That was my intial response. I said, "Please let me know if you're going to your mom's house or your dad's house." He ignored me. I waited a day and gave him time to respond, then I reminded him about the court order (I didn't specifically refer to the section that spells it out), and asked him to please provide me with the requested details. Still ignored.

[naeljun]

Yeah, I would get pissed. He still has a couple of days to reply, right? Could you refuse to let her go if he doesn't reply?

[achase123]

I'm not sure. I would think he'd have to let you know. Can you ask your lawyer/paralegal?

[turtle1120]

Oct 16, 2012 12:51:07 GMT -5 naeljun said:

Yeah, I would get pissed. He still has a couple of days to reply, right? Could you refuse to let her go if he doesn't reply?

He does have time to reply, but I know that he won't.

I was contemplating waiting until the day before, sending one last request for the information, citing the relevant portion of the decree, and saying if he doesn't tell me then he won't be taking her. I don't want it to be this way and don't want to be a dick, but I also don't want him to walk all over me which he will do.

He is the type who would still refuse to tell me, show up, and call the cops if I stuck to my guns and refused to let her go. I'm not afraid of the cops coming because I can show them the decree, but I really don't want to have to get the cops involved. Or an attorney. I just want him to be a normal, rational, human being! I know...it'll probably never happen!

[turtle1120]

Oct 16, 2012 13:02:53 GMT -5 achase123 said:

I'm not sure. I would think he'd have to let you know. Can you ask your lawyer/paralegal?

I'm actually a paralegal ;D But I don't work in family law, so I'm not sure about this.

I'll reach out to my lawyer friend who works in family law. I just wanted to make sure I wasn't being an irrational bitch first.

Thanks for your opinions, ladies!

[Deleted]

I would send an email stating exactly what it says in the divorce papers...
I would tell him he has XXX amount of time to respond and if he doesnt she wont be going anywhere.

[BlueBayou]

You will have to prove that she was out of the state in order to file a violation. They wont just take your word or thats what e did last time. I like Mags idea of giving him a time limit to respond or she doesnt go. But you do need to see if ypu have the right to keep her based on that since it cant be confirmed. Otherwise it will be just a bluff