Friend issue about DH

[wannabe]

i think i would keep an eye on that trollop, and i don't think she was trying to insinuate that your husband is a cheating douchebag. hell, i'd totally be warning other wives about that chick too.

[noodleoo]

I don't think I'd be mad at my friend. I think I'd either take it half as a joke and half as good information to have. And I'd definitely tell my H.

[sometimesrunner]

Oct 16, 2012 13:43:56 GMT -5 wannabe said:

i think i would keep an eye on that trollop, and i don't think she was trying to insinuate that your husband is a cheating douchebag. hell, i'd totally be warning other wives about that chick too.

+1

[ECB]

I wouldn't be mad. I don't think she means to insinuate anything about your DH.

As her ONLY advice, it's odd. But for whatever reason, that's what came to mind when you asked.

[mbcdefg]

She might just be cautioning your husband against interacting with her ... not because he'd cheat, but because things might get awkward and he'd have to then figure out how to avoid her.

Or, if she's the type to screw around with married men, then maybe she's the type who'd accuse your H (or any innocent guy) of something he didn't do just to get him in trouble.

So maybe she's just warning him to steer clear of her from the get-go and not get wrapped up in any of her drama?

[Deleted]

I'd be weirded out a bit by the distant friend saying that, but if she really is a distant friend I wouldn't assume that she was warning me because she thinks my husband specifically would cheat on me. So I'd probably laugh at the advice, tell my husband, and we'd laugh about it together.

But I also wouldn't consider it helpful information. It takes two to tango, and I don't think that working with a flirtatious woman would make my husband any more likely to cheat than he is otherwise.

[Deleted]

Oct 16, 2012 13:43:56 GMT -5 wannabe said:

i think i would keep an eye on that trollop, and i don't think she was trying to insinuate that your husband is a cheating douchebag. hell, i'd totally be warning other wives about that chick too.

this.

[Deleted]

I am sure the two women who were cheated on would have sworn their husbands would never cheat, too. I would appreciate the warning if only to tell my husband to beware of that bitch.

[Deleted]

Spenji, why would a husband need to "beware" of her? "Beware, she may try to make out with you?" Would he not be able to get himself out of a situation like that if he didn't know ahead of time that she was that type? Does he not encounter any other opportunities to cheat in his life so that being around 1 woman at a fairly large workplace who is a known risk will all of a sudden make him turn from a non-cheater to a cheater?

[Deleted]

Oct 16, 2012 14:20:50 GMT -5 gravytrain225 said:

Would it change anything else if the woman was 20+ years older than him?

Ha! To me, absolutely yes. I certainly could be wrong, but I don't envision my husband being attracted to a 53 year old. So I'd find it hilarious that distant friend thought that she was a potential threat.

[Deleted]

I would be angry and I would keep that information in mind but I would also wonder how true it was. Workplace gossip can be a bitch.

I do tend to be a little flirty, its in my personality. Any time I talk to a man at work a rumor gets started that I am having an affair with him, this has happened with at least 5 different men, none of it is true.
That is my tale...take the info with a grain of salt.

[rageragerage]

What a weird thing to say. I don't know how that would make me feel honestly.

[Deleted]

I would assume that she is seductive based on the OP.

I myself would want to know if there was a man at my new workplace who behaved inappropriately so I could be on the watch for that crap. Maybe initially you think the guy is being nice, asks you to coffee to be neighborly....and the whole office is rolling their eyes as you walk over to the Starbucks....happens at my office regularly. And you just cringe at the next new "victim" when it starts.

Affairs occur often when opportunity presents itself, even with men and women you would consider completely trust worthy.

[wannabe]

Oct 16, 2012 14:20:50 GMT -5 gravytrain225 said:

Would it change anything else if the woman was 20+ years older than him?

haha! i'm 8 years older than the hub, but i don't think he's into much, MUCH older chicks.

[cilantro]

Oct 16, 2012 14:27:16 GMT -5 @spenjamins said:

I would assume that she is seductive based on the OP.

I myself would want to know if there was a man at my new workplace who behaved inappropriately so I could be on the watch for that crap. Maybe initially you think the guy is being nice, asks you to coffee to be neighborly....and the whole office is rolling their eyes as you walk over to the Starbucks....happens at my office regularly. And you just cringe at the next new "victim" when it starts.

Affairs occur often when opportunity presents itself, even with men and women you would consider completely trust worthy.

:Y:

[Deleted]

Oct 16, 2012 14:27:16 GMT -5 @spenjamins said:

I would assume that she is seductive based on the OP.

I myself would want to know if there was a man at my new workplace who behaved inappropriately so I could be on the watch for that crap. Maybe initially you think the guy is being nice, asks you to coffee to be neighborly....and the whole office is rolling their eyes as you walk over to the Starbucks....happens at my office regularly. And you just cringe at the next new "victim" when it starts.

Affairs occur often when opportunity presents itself, even with men and women you would consider completely trust worthy.

Okay, I can see what you mean about not wanting to fall in with a bad crowd and becoming part of the gossip mill...

But where I disagree with you is about the opportunity part. I totally agree that men and women that you would consider trustworthy have affairs, so I don't think any of us could ever say that our husbands would never cheat. But on the other hand, I just figure that there are enough opportunities in life anyway that if he wants to cheat he'll be able to do so, whether or not he works in a 100-person workplace with that particular woman.

[obladi]

Oct 16, 2012 14:20:50 GMT -5 gravytrain225 said:

Would it change anything else if the woman was 20+ years older than him?

Yes, to me it would. That would put the woman close to 60 and I just can't imagine it.

[fbf2006]

Oct 16, 2012 14:36:33 GMT -5 v said:

Oct 16, 2012 14:27:16 GMT -5 @spenjamins said:

I would assume that she is seductive based on the OP.

I myself would want to know if there was a man at my new workplace who behaved inappropriately so I could be on the watch for that crap. Maybe initially you think the guy is being nice, asks you to coffee to be neighborly....and the whole office is rolling their eyes as you walk over to the Starbucks....happens at my office regularly. And you just cringe at the next new "victim" when it starts.

Affairs occur often when opportunity presents itself, even with men and women you would consider completely trust worthy.

Okay, I can see what you mean about not wanting to fall in with a bad crowd and becoming part of the gossip mill...

But where I disagree with you is about the opportunity part. I totally agree that men and women that you would consider trustworthy have affairs, so I don't think any of us could ever say that our husbands would never cheat. But on the other hand, I just figure that there are enough opportunities in life anyway that if he wants to cheat he'll be able to do so, whether or not he works in a 100-person workplace with that particular woman.

It's not necessarily about wanting to cheat though, but that this particular opportunity presents itself. Ofcourse, one can still choose not to fall into it. It's just that the opportunity might not have been there to begin with.
For example, when we learn about accounting fraud, they say there are 3 risks of fraud, incentive, pressure and opportunity. That people don't necessarily start out intending to commit fraud but are much more likely to do so when either of the 3 risks presents itself.

[Deleted]

Oct 16, 2012 14:36:33 GMT -5 v said:

Oct 16, 2012 14:27:16 GMT -5 @spenjamins said:

I would assume that she is seductive based on the OP.

I myself would want to know if there was a man at my new workplace who behaved inappropriately so I could be on the watch for that crap. Maybe initially you think the guy is being nice, asks you to coffee to be neighborly....and the whole office is rolling their eyes as you walk over to the Starbucks....happens at my office regularly. And you just cringe at the next new "victim" when it starts.

Affairs occur often when opportunity presents itself, even with men and women you would consider completely trust worthy.

Okay, I can see what you mean about not wanting to fall in with a bad crowd and becoming part of the gossip mill...

But where I disagree with you is about the opportunity part. I totally agree that men and women that you would consider trustworthy have affairs, so I don't think any of us could ever say that our husbands would never cheat. But on the other hand, I just figure that there are enough opportunities in life anyway that if he wants to cheat he'll be able to do so, whether or not he works in a 100-person workplace with that particular woman.

It's a lot harder to go out and find someone to cheat with versus having someone throw themselves at you. I think that's the opportunity that Spenjamins is referring.

Also it's easier with a co-worker because of the work excuses and such. At least from my irrational, unscientific studies.

[Deleted]

Oct 16, 2012 14:36:33 GMT -5 v said:

Oct 16, 2012 14:27:16 GMT -5 @spenjamins said:

I would assume that she is seductive based on the OP.

I myself would want to know if there was a man at my new workplace who behaved inappropriately so I could be on the watch for that crap. Maybe initially you think the guy is being nice, asks you to coffee to be neighborly....and the whole office is rolling their eyes as you walk over to the Starbucks....happens at my office regularly. And you just cringe at the next new "victim" when it starts.

Affairs occur often when opportunity presents itself, even with men and women you would consider completely trust worthy.

Okay, I can see what you mean about not wanting to fall in with a bad crowd and becoming part of the gossip mill...

But where I disagree with you is about the opportunity part. I totally agree that men and women that you would consider trustworthy have affairs, so I don't think any of us could ever say that our husbands would never cheat. But on the other hand, I just figure that there are enough opportunities in life anyway that if he wants to cheat he'll be able to do so, whether or not he works in a 100-person workplace with that particular woman.

I think that the idea that a cheater "wants to cheat" is where you and I disagree. I think it usually does not start out that way. Of course, there are serial cheaters and the like, too.

[Deleted]

Oct 16, 2012 14:47:47 GMT -5 fbf2006 said:

Oct 16, 2012 14:36:33 GMT -5 v said:

It's not necessarily about wanting to cheat though, but that this particular opportunity presents itself. Ofcourse, one can still choose not to fall into it. It's just that the opportunity might not have been there to begin with.
For example, when we learn about accounting fraud, they say there are 3 risks of fraud, incentive, pressure and opportunity. That people don't necessarily start out intending to commit fraud but are much more likely to do so when either of the 3 risks presents itself.

I like that! Gonna use it!