Advice re: depression/suicidal thoughts

[marshmallowhands]

I'm not a regular poster but this is where I spend most of my time so I thought I'd ask all of you for advice.

My DH has a pseudo-uncle that is going through a pretty deep depression. He's been unemployed since about late 2010. Anyway, since about May of this year he's spoken about being in a pretty severe state of depression. Lately he's been pulling away from family and friends, he won't answer phone calls or email, deactivated his facebook account. My sister-in-law went to visit him this weekend and he mentioned that he's having suicidal thoughts. He has started a prescription for anti-depression but it sounds like it could take a few weeks to build up.

Has anyone gone through something like this either yourself or with someone else? My husband's immediate family is trying to think of any and all ways they might be able to help. They've had a suicide in the family a couple of years back and just feel really helpless. Thanks for any advice or insight offered.

[pugz]

if he is having active suicidal ideation a 96 hour hold can be placed for him to go to a psych hospital for treatment and stabilization. The local police department can let you know if they can initiate this or if he needs to go through an ER.

[jenny1223]

Can the family make a plan/schedule for people to visit him regularly?

[Deleted]

Oct 16, 2012 16:16:53 GMT -5 pugz said:

if he is having active suicidal ideation a 96 hour hold can be placed for him to go to a psych hospital for treatment and stabilization. The local police department can let you know if they can initiate this or if he needs to go through an ER.

This is a good start, but I think it may vary by state. I had a friend try to commit suicide multiple times a couple of years ago, and they couldn't/wouldn't hold her after she was medically stable unless there was a court order to do so. A court order isn't easy to get, either. It sucks.

My best advice would be to talk to him and let him know you (or whoever) are there, and maybe even have someone stay with him or have him stay with someone for a while. There is also a national suicide hotline number that he can call to talk. You could also try making a "contract" or promise with him that before doing anything to hurt himself, he'll call someone or go to the ER. He may or may not follow through with it, but sometimes this works for some people.

[marshmallowevening]

I would say whoever has the best rapport with him should explore his suicidal feelings with him immediately. Is he still feeling this way? Does he have a plan? Does he have means? Does he know what resources he can reach out to if he is concerned (a therapist he can start seeing, a suicide crisis number he can call, a friend or family member who can stay with him)? You don't have to be able to "talk someone out of suicide"; you just have to explore what is going on and refer them to the appropriate place (http://www.scshare.com/downloads/MHA_QPR.pdf- QPR is a suicide prevention training I've attended that was helpful to me).

Medication can be an important start, but if he is having suicidal thoughts (especially with a plan), he needs to be safe in the meantime. If he does not get help on his own and is in an active state of crisis, you can normally call a crisis number (here, these professionals can come assess the individual to determine if they need to be hospitalized- National Suicide Prevention should be able to refer you to whatever is in your community www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/).

ETA- this is personal, not professional, advice. Good luck!

[kwynn]

I am a longtime MM'er from back in 2004 until early this year, but have been lurking here for months on the new GBCN. Some of you know, my beloved husband committed suicide with almost no warning in April and certainly none of the classic signs/symptoms you hear about in health class or on the news. This is my first post since then.

Looking back with hindsight, I can see little things that may or may not have been warning signs with my husband--I'll never know. I felt compelled to post here reading your story about your husband's uncle. This is not professional advice at all, just my own experience.

He needs to get into a therapist. Think about asking him to commit himself. Call the police yourself just to know that you have done everything possible to help.

The scariest thing is, despite everything you do for him, he still may attempt or complete suicide, but know that you are doing what you can to help.

Be on the lookout for a day when things may be seeming up for him--I've read that that is a time when many do attempt, just when things seem better.

Give him the suicide hotline number.

Also, there's something called a safety plan---a worksheet you all can fill out together and he can post in a prominent place that can distract him from committing suicide until the immediate crisis has passed. You really have to Google pretty hard for this (try "suicide safety plan")--I wish it had been more readily accessible to my husband when he was feeling depressed.

The conventional advice is that someone expressing suicidal thoughts should never be left alone, so if someone can watch him at all times, that would obviously be ideal, but of course, this is not possible for 99.9% of people and also, it doesn't always prevent those most determined either.

Please try to get him help and don't wait--my husband told me he was sad one night, we decided he would call for a therapy appointment Monday morning, but he died on Sunday--he never even made it to the appointment.

I'm so sorry to be a downer in this post and I hope your uncle feels better soon.

[Deleted]

((((((((((kwynn)))))))))))

[pitterwoo]

oh kwynn I am so, so sorry to hear of your loss!

to the OP, I had an experience with suicide in my family as well and even though he said he wouldn't kill himself and signed the contract, and we had friends and family coming to be with him....well one friend didn't show up for his time and that was it. I do think it's important to have someone with him regardless of what he says until he's truly stable. If he's going on medication, the first several weeks of starting are more vulnerable times so be extra vigilant.

[cinnamoncox]

Oct 17, 2012 1:05:06 GMT -5 kwynn said:

I am a longtime MM'er from back in 2004 until early this year, but have been lurking here for months on the new GBCN. Some of you know, my beloved husband committed suicide with almost no warning in April and certainly none of the classic signs/symptoms you hear about in health class or on the news. This is my first post since then.

Looking back with hindsight, I can see little things that may or may not have been warning signs with my husband--I'll never know. I felt compelled to post here reading your story about your husband's uncle. This is not professional advice at all, just my own experience.

He needs to get into a therapist. Think about asking him to commit himself. Call the police yourself just to know that you have done everything possible to help.

The scariest thing is, despite everything you do for him, he still may attempt or complete suicide, but know that you are doing what you can to help.

Be on the lookout for a day when things may be seeming up for him--I've read that that is a time when many do attempt, just when things seem better.

Give him the suicide hotline number.

Also, there's something called a safety plan---a worksheet you all can fill out together and he can post in a prominent place that can distract him from committing suicide until the immediate crisis has passed. You really have to Google pretty hard for this (try "suicide safety plan")--I wish it had been more readily accessible to my husband when he was feeling depressed.

The conventional advice is that someone expressing suicidal thoughts should never be left alone, so if someone can watch him at all times, that would obviously be ideal, but of course, this is not possible for 99.9% of people and also, it doesn't always prevent those most determined either.

Please try to get him help and don't wait--my husband told me he was sad one night, we decided he would call for a therapy appointment Monday morning, but he died on Sunday--he never even made it to the appointment.

I'm so sorry to be a downer in this post and I hope your uncle feels better soon.

Kwynn I just want to say I'm so so very sorry about your husband. What a terrible tragic shocking loss.


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[jenny1223]

Kwynn, I am so sorry for your loss.

[mellymel]

Kwynn I am so very sorry for the loss of your husband.

[hannamaren]

Oh kwynn, I dont know what to say. I hope you are getting the support that you need. I am so sorry for your loss.