best MM spacing for kids?

[grey56]

What is the ideal age difference for kids to be most MM? What factors to take into account? Two in daycare, two in college, etc. Too much spacing might mean different activities to be age-appropriate.

Maybe I'm not asking this the right way.

Emotions aside, how close would you want your kids?

[dexteroni]

If you're going by daycare and college costs, then I guess you should have them 5 years apart so the first is in kindergarten by the time you need day care for the second. But that doesn't sound very realistic, or desirable, especially if you want more than two.

To look at it from another angle, my friends who have their second LO when their first is 3 or older seem to have a relatively easier time during the newborn phase than those who space them two years apart (or less). The three year olds are a little more self-sufficient and they can understand reason slightly more than the 2 years olds. Emphasis on slightly, but still.

[mollz007]

I have always told H that if we do decide to have more than one kid, kid #1 needs to be out of diapers and preferable potty trained before we try for #2. So like 2-3 years? That is the age difference between me and my sister and my H and older BIL and it has worked out pretty well.

[atouchofklasse]

I think it depends on your plans to work or stay home and for how long.

[fbf2006]

4-5 years so they're not in college at the same time. Also no daycare costs at the same time. That was one of my sister's reasons. I'd like 4 years if I have another.

[grey56]

Oct 16, 2012 20:05:45 GMT -5 atouchofklasse said:

I think it depends on your plans to work or stay home and for how long.

I would continue to work. I love my job and what I do.

[kellygreen]

Our boys are 3.5 years apart. I love their spacing. Because of our state's cutoff date for grades, they will be 3 years apart in school, not 4.

My older son was old enough to understand when I had to nurse or change the baby, but now that the "baby" is 2, my 5 year old and he have the best time together. DS1 is in full time public school now, so we paid for less than 2 years of 2 in daycare.

I am trying to talk DH into #3 and I'd try for the same, or even 4 years apart.

[GailGoldie]

Oct 16, 2012 20:01:32 GMT -5 dexteroni said:

If you're going by daycare and college costs, then I guess you should have them 5 years apart so the first is in kindergarten by the time you need day care for the second. But that doesn't sound very realistic, or desirable, especially if you want more than two.

To look at it from another angle, my friends who have their second LO when their first is 3 or older seem to have a relatively easier time during the newborn phase than those who space them two years apart (or less). The three year olds are a little more self-sufficient and they can understand reason slightly more than the 2 years olds. Emphasis on slightly, but still.

EVERYONE i know who had a baby when they had a 3yo wanted to scratch their eyes out ---- Three is NOT easy --- they understand more, they remember being the "only"... they tend to resent the baby much more, etc.

I had my twins when my older son was 2y2mo and it was a wonderful split. My 2yo never resented them, he could do a little bit on his own, but still young enough to forget being the only child. They are now buddies and all play together... not so far apart that their interests are so different.

My sister and i are 5yrs apart and didn't get along until we were teens.

MM wise? the past 3yrs have been hard.. going from 1 kid to 3 in daycare was not easy - i didn't make anything the past 3 years - just worked for benefits... but now one is in K and one in free preK b/c of speech, and the other also in that preK with a fee that is much cheaper than daycare -so i finally make money

[ellipses84]

It depends on your situation. If you are a SAHM it might make more sense for you to have them very close together so you have more possible years in the workforce without paying for daycare. If you work, I think 3-4 years is good. You need to be back at work long enough to qualify for maternity benefits the second time and with that large of a gap, full time daycare for two kids would only be temporary. I like the idea of spacing out college, but ultimately it's the same amount of $$ so you could plan ahead.

[Deleted]

Assuming nothin changes with our job situations (or, things improve) we'll aim for at least 3 years apart. Maybe four. We can't afford two in daycare at the same time for very long. And it seems a nice spacing. We only want 2. I have to think that 3 kids is a luxury item these days, lol!

Then again, my sister and I are 6.5 years apart. We weren't close as kids, but are super close now. I dunno; whatever works!

[jm1982]

well, last time i filled out the FAFSA (for myself, for grad school), one of the generic tips that i read for reducing family contribution was to have kids close together. because your calculated maximum expected family contribution CAN'T double, so the kids will be eligible for more aid.

i remember thinking how radically not useful this advice was to my own process of filling out the form.

[psyck]

Mine were thirty seconds apart. While going through the newborn phase was NOT fun with two, it'll be nice to get through phases at relatively the same time.

[h]

DS1 and DS2 are almost 3 years apart, and I love their spacing. DS1 was somewhat independent and even helpful and never had any real jealousy issues. But i found 3 to be a delightful age in general. 2 was definitely a much harder age for us than 3 or 4. 1-2 years is the most trying age for me--I think kids less than 2 years apart would kill me.

If being MM is your main concern, I think you would want to shoot for 5 years apart because of daycare costs. But I think there are good reasons aside from money to consider other spacing.

[sillygoosegirl]

Save up, then have twins. Minimal time off work to care for them if you SAH, or choose a daycare that gives discounts for multiple kids from the same family. At college age, they will qualify for the most financial aid if they are in college at the same time. DH got tons of grants his first 2 years of college because his sister was also in college... Even though his parents weren't paying a dime for her education (they would have, but she got some great scholarships).

[anna7602]

Oct 16, 2012 20:01:32 GMT -5 dexteroni said:

If you're going by daycare and college costs, then I guess you should have them 5 years apart so the first is in kindergarten by the time you need day care for the second. But that doesn't sound very realistic, or desirable, especially if you want more than two.

Team "unrealistic" and "undesirable" here. We're TTC # 2 now and they would be at least 5 years apart (DD turns 5 in 8 months). That is what works for us, but I don't think it's unrealistic or undesirable in general.

[grey56]

Thanks for the comments! LOL on the twins too. :-) I'm a twin and would love twins too but what a wrench that would throw into my MM life (albeit a wrench I would ADORE). The FAFSA comment makes sense...interesting that it's on a form. LO is 15mo. now and we're years from TTCing, if ever, so I wondered if there was a reason to TTC sooner that my logical DH could understand. Thanks!

[grey56]

www.thealphaparent.com/2012/07/what-no-one-tells-you-about-child.html

Pros and cons list for spacing.

[runblondie26]

We're aiming for 4.5-5 yrs apart. We'll only be paying for 1 in daycare, and then later only one in college at a time.

But mainly, it's because DD should be a little less needy at that point. I can't imagine trying to take care of a newborn with a whiny toddler wrapped around my leg. Retaining some of my sanity is priceless.