My green eyed monster

[emma245]

I usually can keep my jealousy in check but last night I was at happy hour with two friends who were talking about buying houses. I really want to own something but honestly have no ability to save given my situation.

Then I get home and have a text from a friend saying she just found out she is pregnant. She was divorced around the same time as me and already re-married and is pregnant. I cant help but feel a little envious. Im definitely happy for her but Im questioning why I dont feel like Im remotely close to anything.

I have total baby fever too which does not help!

[achase123]

I'm sorry! I always do the "where are they compared to me" thing in my head too. It's hard not to. I get down when I see happy go lucky people on FB too who seem like they've got it all figured out.

I saw a quote once that said "the reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind the scenes with someone elses' highlight reel".

I try to bring myself back by going through all of my accomplishments and thinking about why I'm proud of myself.

[emma245]

I guess Im just really struggling because I really want to have a kid by the time Im 35 for health reasons and I feel like thats not going to happen. It just feels devastating to me and makes my anger at EXH come back with a vengeance.

I feel proud of myself for what Ive been through and where I am but I still have a lot to work through

[achase123]

Oct 17, 2012 12:10:44 GMT -5 emma245 said:

I guess Im just really struggling because I really want to have a kid by the time Im 35 for health reasons and I feel like thats not going to happen. It just feels devastating to me and makes my anger at EXH come back with a vengeance.

I feel proud of myself for what Ive been through and where I am but I still have a lot to work through

I totally see where you're coming from here. I know women who have had children much later than 35, but I know the risks of certain things do increase.

[redredwine]

Oct 17, 2012 12:10:44 GMT -5 emma245 said:

I guess Im just really struggling because I really want to have a kid by the time Im 35 for health reasons and I feel like thats not going to happen. It just feels devastating to me and makes my anger at EXH come back with a vengeance.

I feel proud of myself for what Ive been through and where I am but I still have a lot to work through

Oh...I'm SO there with you. Yes, I'm proud of what I've done, etc. but I can't help but have a bit of jealousy at those who are at a place where I thought I'd be by now but am not. I am SO far away from considering buying a house, clearly my dating life isn't going anywhere so I can forget babies for a while if not longer... sigh.

It comes in waves and I think it's normal to feel that way.

[llh0211]

Oct 17, 2012 12:06:39 GMT -5 achase123 said:

I saw a quote once that said "the reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind the scenes with someone elses' highlight reel".

I love this! So true!!

[emma245]

Oct 17, 2012 12:18:11 GMT -5 redredwine said:

Oct 17, 2012 12:10:44 GMT -5 emma245 said:

I guess Im just really struggling because I really want to have a kid by the time Im 35 for health reasons and I feel like thats not going to happen. It just feels devastating to me and makes my anger at EXH come back with a vengeance.

I feel proud of myself for what Ive been through and where I am but I still have a lot to work through

Oh...I'm SO there with you. Yes, I'm proud of what I've done, etc. but I can't help but have a bit of jealousy at those who are at a place where I thought I'd be by now but am not. I am SO far away from considering buying a house, clearly my dating life isn't going anywhere so I can forget babies for a while if not longer... sigh.

It comes in waves and I think it's normal to feel that way.

All of this and then I get angry that EXH took that away from me. I know its not his fault but I really did believe in marriage and having a family and making a life. Thank god I have therapy tonight because if not Im scared I would be throwing a pity party with LOTS of wine.

[Deleted]

I'm sorry Emma:(. Here's how I try to look at my single time right now. Likely it's not going to last forever, I'm likely going to meet someone eventually and it's going to be awesome. When I DO meet that person I don't ever again want to feel like I'm giving something up to be with them, or to have babies. I try to think of ALL the things I would be able to do if I had a house/babies (ahem, up and move to Portland), and really focus on doing all of those things.

I've realize that in the master plan of the universe I haven't met someone yet because there is still more excitement for me to explore on my own.

[bostonterrier]

Coming out of lurking to acknowledge my green eyed monster. Usually I do pretty well, but this week SUCKS. I had to go off hormonal BC for a few reasons. It was a good decision, but this is the second time I've gotten my period since, and I'm sobbing my brains out. I'm having a really, really rough time with getting a monthly reminder that I put off having kids to go to school for years for a profession I can barely stand, married a compulsive liar with homosexual tendencies, and have little if any chance of ever having a family of my own at my age.

Just being a big baby about it. Time to stay off of facebook, and put on my big girl panties, eh? **skulks back into hiding** lol

[emma245]

Oct 17, 2012 12:35:36 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

I'm sorry Emma:(. Here's how I try to look at my single time right now. Likely it's not going to last forever, I'm likely going to meet someone eventually and it's going to be awesome. When I DO meet that person I don't ever again want to feel like I'm giving something up to be with them, or to have babies. I try to think of ALL the things I would be able to do if I had a house/babies (ahem, up and move to Portland), and really focus on doing all of those things.

I've realize that in the master plan of the universe I haven't met someone yet because there is still more excitement for me to explore on my own.

I try so hard to think this way too but I guess Im really pessimistic and my online date experience did not help

I guess its just hard for me because this friend got divorced around the same time as me so I feel like we should be on the same "track"

[gozf]

You need to find your own happiness, from within. Stop looking to men for validation and using friends as measuring sticks.

[doriswe]

Oct 17, 2012 12:35:36 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

master plan of the universe

I read everything pdx wrote....but this is all I saw...and I actually read it as Masters of the Universe

[gozf]

Oct 17, 2012 18:42:41 GMT -5 doriswe said:

Oct 17, 2012 12:35:36 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

master plan of the universe

I read everything pdx wrote....but this is all I saw...and I actually read it as Masters of the Universe

I HAVE THE POWERRRRRRR!

[Deleted]

Oct 17, 2012 18:42:41 GMT -5 doriswe said:

Oct 17, 2012 12:35:36 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

master plan of the universe

I read everything pdx wrote....but this is all I saw...and I actually read it as Masters of the Universe

Bwahahahaahhaha. Okay now I realize how ridiculous that sounded.

[gozf]

Thor and I watch He-Man and She-Ra all the time. Because we are tiny children.

[doriswe]

Oct 17, 2012 19:06:43 GMT -5 gozf said:

Thor and I watch He-Man and She-Ra all the time. Because we are tiny children.

If I could, I would too!! I also want to watch old school Thundercats, cuz the new ones are lame!

[leahmel]

Oct 17, 2012 18:09:45 GMT -5 gozf said:

You need to find your own happiness, from within. Stop looking to men for validation and using friends as measuring sticks.

Agreed!! I promise that once you do this you'll attract a better man anyway. People in general are more atracted to those who are happy/content despite outside circumstances.

You don't want the house and kids with the wrong guy, or when you re unhappy inside anyway, I promise it won't make you a happy person.