I think I've mentally blocked all of my marriage. Honestly I really have very few memories. And when I think back to it, it's like remembering a movie. I feel like it all happened to someone else. It's very bizarre.
But I can see how people would definitely have good memories. I mean if it was ALL bad your probably wouldn't have ever gotten married right? I do have this experience when I think of past friendships.
I have lots of good memories, but I don't really spend much time thinking about them (or the negative ones). That was the past...I like to live in the present!
I can totally relate. I can't lie, even though I have no doubt that I made the right choice, there are wistful moments where I get really sad about what once was and isn't anymore.
I love my good memories, though, even if they make me mist up sometimes. Most of all, I like that there were so many nice times, and that we were happy and hopeful and in love. Even if it wasn't for the long haul, I'm glad that we had that. I'm glad that we had those times when things *were* right.
The post below got me thinking. I actually have lots of wonderful, loving memories with my ExH. We had our fun traditions (especially during the holidays) and our quirky things we said and did together. This whole city reminds me of him since we lived here our whole marriage. I am constantly remembering past dates, things about him or our life and just fun stuff we did.
I know there were bad stuff and bad days but for some reason those have faded. I am not angry, bitter or anything anymore. All I have for him is love - he was my first love, my first marriage, my first everything really.
Sometimes it is really hard to have all these good memories. I try and just smile and cherish them because I know I am lucky and blessed to have had those times (even though it ended badly). But sometimes I get sad or just have this weird feeling like where did all that life go? Did it ever really happen?
Anyone can relate? How do you deal?
I can relate for sure! I'm still navigating how to deal with it, since it's still pretty new for me. We shared a lot of good times together and there are reminder's of the life we shared everywhere. Sometimes I feel like my divorce is very surreal and hard to wrap my head around the fact that it's really happening. I hope others can give advice since I have none, lol!
Post by dakotadangerdog on Oct 17, 2012 15:18:26 GMT -5
In my mind I kind of think of my exH as two different people. the nice XH was my best friend, we had so many fun times, inside jokes, we laughed so much together. For a long time after the split I would get the urge to text him about our random inside jokes and then I'd be like oh that's right, can't do that anymore.
I think back really fondly on the stuff that happened with nice XH. However, there's also the mean XH who was the one who yelled at me all the time and made me feel terrible. I'm just so so so thankful to be away from him and done with him forever, I'm not even mad about anything anymore. Just so happy to be done and moved on!
I can totally relate. I can't lie, even though I have no doubt that I made the right choice, there are wistful moments where I get really sad about what once was and isn't anymore.
I love my good memories, though, even if they make me mist up sometimes. Most of all, I like that there were so many nice times, and that we were happy and hopeful and in love. Even if it wasn't for the long haul, I'm glad that we had that. I'm glad that we had those times when things *were* right.
Gozf, I watched your situation play out with a box of tissues. It was like watching The Way We Were, but with more sympathetic characters.
I can relate very much so... I loved my whole marriage and for the greater part of it were good memories. It was really confusing for a while when my xh decided to leave; I didn't think there were bad enough memories to warrant what he wanted.
Over time, this confusion subsided and I just had to accept the situation for what it was. But I am so grateful for the good memories that it is actually helping me move on because I know new ones can be made. Because of my divorce, I was able to look deeper within myself and learned so many things about me during the adjustment process. While I had the deepest heartbreak of my life, I was able to reinvent myself from this experience. The good memories I had with him I will always cherish, they lead me to who I am today and a lovely reminder that I was cared for in good ways giving me the strength and hope to explore new things.
I think I will always remember the pain of this divorce on some level and I will always love my eh but I try to see it as a gift being given to me so I can find someone who will accept all of me.
I can totally relate. I can't lie, even though I have no doubt that I made the right choice, there are wistful moments where I get really sad about what once was and isn't anymore.
I love my good memories, though, even if they make me mist up sometimes. Most of all, I like that there were so many nice times, and that we were happy and hopeful and in love. Even if it wasn't for the long haul, I'm glad that we had that. I'm glad that we had those times when things *were* right.
Ohhhh, I take mine back....I like this answer!! I am really thankful for the good and the bad memories of my marriage.
I had a lot of good memories with my ex but because we still have DD and do things together with her, its like we can still make more "happy" memories but they are just different.
I don't know what's wrong with me lately but I am wondering again about what if I had tried harder. I know this feeling will go away though.
I can totally relate. I can't lie, even though I have no doubt that I made the right choice, there are wistful moments where I get really sad about what once was and isn't anymore.
I love my good memories, though, even if they make me mist up sometimes. Most of all, I like that there were so many nice times, and that we were happy and hopeful and in love. Even if it wasn't for the long haul, I'm glad that we had that. I'm glad that we had those times when things *were* right.
I have good memories of my marriage still. By holding onto those, it does make it easier to deal with XH in regards to A. I wish there were more good memories though
I can totally relate. I can't lie, even though I have no doubt that I made the right choice, there are wistful moments where I get really sad about what once was and isn't anymore.
I love my good memories, though, even if they make me mist up sometimes. Most of all, I like that there were so many nice times, and that we were happy and hopeful and in love. Even if it wasn't for the long haul, I'm glad that we had that. I'm glad that we had those times when things *were* right.
Gozf, I watched your situation play out with a box of tissues. It was like watching The Way We Were, but with more sympathetic characters.
C'mere and hold me. Now actual tears are falling. You made me cry real tears.
Hmmmm, it's honestly hard for me to remember too many good times. In the very beginning things were really good. Then there were inevitable "honeymoon" times as is usually the case when you look at the cycle of abuse.
I remember coming home to brand new pairs of designer jeans wrapped up in a package on the bed. That was fun but I think it was because he'd done something asinine the day before.
I remember him doing a number of things that were "good" but those times are now clouded by the fact that the entire marriage was essentially a farce. So ::shrugs shoulders:: I'm pretty hard pressed to come up with something good.
Hmmmm, it's honestly hard for me to remember too many good times. In the very beginning things were really good. Then there were inevitable "honeymoon" times as is usually the case when you look at the cycle of abuse.
I remember coming home to brand new pairs of designer jeans wrapped up in a package on the bed. That was fun but I think it was because he'd done something asinine the day before.
I remember him doing a number of things that were "good" but those times are now clouded by the fact that the entire marriage was essentially a farce. So ::shrugs shoulders:: I'm pretty hard pressed to come up with something good.
This is how I feel. Even though my divorce is far from being settled (its just beginning!) I feel like everything was fake. He lied about so much and did so much sneaky stuff behind my back that when I think of good times I feel like those were all a lie too. I don't know what parts of him were real.
Post by geekygirl83 on Oct 17, 2012 18:35:14 GMT -5
Even though I was not the one who left and was very heart broken when he did I am having a hard time thinking of a good memory. When the break up first happened I went through a lot of "But we were perfect together" moments, but now almost 2 years later It's almost like I forget we were together sometimes. (We were together 8 years)
One of my favorite memories is when we watched all the seasons of The O.C and Buffy feverishly together. It was the rare occasion that we were both passionate about the same thing and thus spent many hours together watching it and talking about it.
Besides that he was a heavy gamer who never showed interest in anything I cared about or did. I still cringe every time I hear the words "Call of Duty".
Post by letyourselfgo on Oct 18, 2012 0:21:59 GMT -5
Good Memories:
Um, sure....I have a few. One day, when I was waiting for pizza in the oven one Halloween and getting DD ready for Trick-o-treating, there was a knock on the door. She wanted to open it, and I said that we needed to check first to see who it was, then we could open it. I saw my (now ExFi) guy's car in the parking spot, so I assumed that it was him.....so, DD and I opened that door. There was a tall man wearing a coat like Freddy Kruger and jeans.....with the scream mask over his face. My mouth about dropped open, but DD said. "Mom! That's not scary..... That's ExFIFirstName! " Total win. I love my little girl so, so much. This is just one of the reasons why.
In my mind I kind of think of my exH as two different people. the nice XH was my best friend, we had so many fun times, inside jokes, we laughed so much together. For a long time after the split I would get the urge to text him about our random inside jokes and then I'd be like oh that's right, can't do that anymore.
I think back really fondly on the stuff that happened with nice XH. However, there's also the mean XH who was the one who yelled at me all the time and made me feel terrible. I'm just so so so thankful to be away from him and done with him forever, I'm not even mad about anything anymore. Just so happy to be done and moved on!
This is kind of how I feel, except that I'm still angry, lol. I think once everything is done and over with, this is where I'll be.
Hmmmm, it's honestly hard for me to remember too many good times. In the very beginning things were really good. Then there were inevitable "honeymoon" times as is usually the case when you look at the cycle of abuse.
I remember coming home to brand new pairs of designer jeans wrapped up in a package on the bed. That was fun but I think it was because he'd done something asinine the day before.
I remember him doing a number of things that were "good" but those times are now clouded by the fact that the entire marriage was essentially a farce. So ::shrugs shoulders:: I'm pretty hard pressed to come up with something good.
This is me too. Oddly, G was asking last night about happy times with XH...I obviously don't talk about the X much with him, but he said that he's really only heard negative stuff. I tried really hard to think of good times, because I'm sure there were some, but I really can't remember too many (other than eating together...we ate a LOT together). I know the manipulation started back in high school, so I wonder if I was just going through the motions and feeling comfortable and that's why I stayed.