Talked to attorney today re EX

[naeljun]

I spoke the the attorney today and I am meeting with her on Friday. Basically she said he is in contempt, which we knew, and more than likely will have to pay my atty fees, which we knew.

Also, he may even have to pay me retroactively for the medical because of what is in the decree. I most likely wouldn't go after him for that and would let it go. But it is a good selling point to the ex to avoid court.

She said he is in big trouble right now for the 401k and couldn't believe that it took over a year for me to even get the QDRO and that the ex tried to deduct money from it due to some debt that he agreeed to pay.

Of course this is all without seeing any of the paperwork so I will have to bring that in on Friday when I see her.

You know, I don't even care about the 401k at this point. It's not like 7k is going to make or break me. If it was 50k then yeah, I would have fought a long time ago for it. It is just the principle that he won't pay for medical for his child.

[moolarkey]

Get all the money he owes. If you don't want it, don't really need it - sock it away for your daughter's college education, a special trip for the two of you, her wedding, a car when she's old enough - there are a lot of things that money can go for if you don't need it right now. Put it savings for her in case something would happen to you but have it put in a trust and designate the successor trustee so that if something does happen to you your ex doesn't get his hands on it.

[naeljun]

Valid point moolarkey.

[Deleted]

I dont understand why you wouldnt go after everything you can get from him that he owes you. He owes them to you on a legal basis.

[stephbfan]

Oct 17, 2012 20:43:09 GMT -5 moolarkey said:

Get all the money he owes. If you don't want it, don't really need it - sock it away for your daughter's college education, a special trip for the two of you, her wedding, a car when she's old enough - there are a lot of things that money can go for if you don't need it right now. Put it savings for her in case something would happen to you but have it put in a trust and designate the successor trustee so that if something does happen to you your ex doesn't get his hands on it.

:Y: :Y:

[turtle1120]

I'd go after everything you can possibly get. It's not about needing the money. It's about his legal obligations to your daughter which he is not upholding. You don't need to be nice about this. Lord knows he's not nice to you!

[moolarkey]

Look at this way - he doesn't owe you. HE OWES YOUR DAUGHTER. Go after it for HER.

[aerochyck]

As PP's have stated put it away.

Imagine how nice it will be when your daughter graduates, plans her wedding, wants to do something special and you say that you are going to give her $X towards it.

[naeljun]

Thanks guys. I do tend to be too nice to him at times. I know I can't be anymore. He can be so manipulative and mean so I am nice to keep peace.

[aerochyck]

Being nice an being walked all over are two different things....but I do the same thing

[stephbfan]

As a poster on the bump used to say, Nice gets you screwed!!
You need to follow the court order to a T. He is taking advantage of you and you are letting him get away with it.

[achase123]

I agree that it's the principle of it all. I'm glad you spoke to a lawyer and hope his ass has to finally pay up.

[naeljun]

Not really sure where the money will come from (his parents most likely) but I guess.

[turtle1120]

Oct 18, 2012 10:36:53 GMT -5 naeljun said:

Not really sure where the money will come from (his parents most likely) but I guess.

It doesn't matter where the money comes from. You don't need to be concerned with that. Stop being too nice!

[naeljun]

My thing is, he has nothing. Seriously. I'm not just trying to be nice. He lives in a dump that my daughter has to go to EOW, is wearing the same clothes as he had when we were married, and can't even afford to buy her clothes. I know it isn't my problem but I feel bad. I only want him to pay the medical and he is refusing so he is pushing my hand so of course if I am going to go back to court I am going to ask for everything he owes me but still, I feel bad.

[naeljun]

Sorry to keep bombarding but I just double checked with the ex about medical to make sure he wasn't putting her on his as I need to enroll.

Get this - he doesn't even pay for his own medical. His co provides it free for him. It is about 250/month for DD on his v. 72/month for mine. So not only is he not paying for Ella he doesn't have to pay for his either. UGH. I don't get him.

[turtle1120]

Oct 18, 2012 10:54:59 GMT -5 naeljun said:

My thing is, he has nothing. Seriously. I'm not just trying to be nice. He lives in a dump that my daughter has to go to EOW, is wearing the same clothes as he had when we were married, and can't even afford to buy her clothes. I know it isn't my problem but I feel bad. I only want him to pay the medical and he is refusing so he is pushing my hand so of course if I am going to go back to court I am going to ask for everything he owes me but still, I feel bad.

Don't feel bad. My Ex is the exact.same.way! But you know what? He's never done a damn thing to better his situation, and he'll whine to anyone who will listen about how he's so poor. Well, that's what happens when you make bad decisions. Dropping out of college when he was there on an atheletic scholarship was a very bad decision.

You're going to school and getting your degree to better yourself. You're working hard to provide for your daughter. If your Ex chooses to be lazy and live in poverty (or near it), that's his choice. But you should not feel bad about it because he's not your responsibility anymore.

[naeljun]

I know. He has a college degree too. I have no idea why he doesn't better himself. He says he tries but who knows. I was talking yesterday at lunch that I am just waiting for my number to come up to lose a job. I have been very, very lucky in life with that even without having a degree. I have only lost one job in my life and that was when I was severely depressed and ended up in an outpatient heavy therapy program. I would call in sick every week. I hated that job anyway.

Anyway, my EX has never been able to keep a job. He has gotten fired from every job he has ever had except one that he left voluntarily. He had some great jobs too. Making six figures. Just gets really lazy and stops doing what he needs to do to be productive. Sigh

[turtle1120]

Oct 18, 2012 11:20:12 GMT -5 naeljun said:

I know. He has a college degree too. I have no idea why he doesn't better himself. He says he tries but who knows. I was talking yesterday at lunch that I am just waiting for my number to come up to lose a job. I have been very, very lucky in life with that even without having a degree. I have only lost one job in my life and that was when I was severely depressed and ended up in an outpatient heavy therapy program. I would call in sick every week. I hated that job anyway.

Anyway, my EX has never been able to keep a job. He has gotten fired from every job he has ever had except one that he left voluntarily. He had some great jobs too. Making six figures. Just gets really lazy and stops doing what he needs to do to be productive. Sigh

Okay, well now I'm even more convinced that you don't need to feel bad about it. He has a college degree, and has had jobs making six figures, and now he's somehow barely getting by? I get that things happen and it's easy to loose a job in a bad economy, but your Ex sounds just plain lazy and there's no excuse for that. YOU certainly shouldn't feel bad about it!

I worry about losing my job too and it's probably one of my biggest fears. It's a very scary thing to be a single parent and to have no one else to rely on if something like that were to happen. But you can't control it, so push those thoughts out of your mind and tell yourself that you'll deal with it if the situation ever arises.

[stephbfan]

Oct 18, 2012 11:38:37 GMT -5 turtle1120 said:

Oct 18, 2012 11:20:12 GMT -5 naeljun said:

I know. He has a college degree too. I have no idea why he doesn't better himself. He says he tries but who knows. I was talking yesterday at lunch that I am just waiting for my number to come up to lose a job. I have been very, very lucky in life with that even without having a degree. I have only lost one job in my life and that was when I was severely depressed and ended up in an outpatient heavy therapy program. I would call in sick every week. I hated that job anyway.

Anyway, my EX has never been able to keep a job. He has gotten fired from every job he has ever had except one that he left voluntarily. He had some great jobs too. Making six figures. Just gets really lazy and stops doing what he needs to do to be productive. Sigh

Okay, well now I'm even more convinced that you don't need to feel bad about it. He has a college degree, and has had jobs making six figures, and now he's somehow barely getting by? I get that things happen and it's easy to loose a job in a bad economy, but your Ex sounds just plain lazy and there's no excuse for that. YOU certainly shouldn't feel bad about it!

I worry about losing my job too and it's probably one of my biggest fears. It's a very scary thing to be a single parent and to have no one else to rely on if something like that were to happen. But you can't control it, so push those thoughts out of your mind and tell yourself that you'll deal with it if the situation ever arises.

:Y:
He is choosing this life for him. If he were not able to find a job, I would feel bad for him but that is not the case.

He needs to man up and be a father and being a father includes being financially responsible for his daughter. Maybe this will be a wake up call?