Date Update, need perspective

[imalwaysme79]

Is this the same guy you went out with before your trip to WI? This post makes me all kinds of happy! So cute how he said he was looking forward to kissing you!!

[imalwaysme79]

Well, regardless, I'm so happy you found someone you like, and that really seems to like you back. I wouldn't worry too much about his lack of sex thing yet. You never know, ya know?

[roselis]

I don't think it's a big issue. My friend recently had this exact thing (she is experienced, bf not so much). Things are fine now thougth. I'd say don't let it bother you at all.
Yay for awesome make out session!

[doriswe]

Sounds like a fabulous date!!
As for the sex thing....I hooked up with a dude who had only slept with a few people. Honestly, I knew up front and was a little panicky about him being vanilla, but he was probably one of the best I've ever had!! In fact, I know I told him MULTIPLE times how shocked I was at his skill level! Just because he's only had a few partners doesn't mean he's not a freak in the sheets!!

[fairydust]

Yay! I'm living through you (and everyone else who is going on dates) Who cares about that thing. And damn, at least he took the initiative to ask you out again. Most men can't even do that. I'm jealous of your make out session.

[doriswe]

Oct 18, 2012 7:19:38 GMT -5 mintchocochip said:

Oct 18, 2012 7:12:24 GMT -5 doriswe said:

Sounds like a fabulous date!!
As for the sex thing....I hooked up with a dude who had only slept with a few people. Honestly, I knew up front and was a little panicky about him being vanilla, but he was probably one of the best I've ever had!! In fact, I know I told him MULTIPLE times how shocked I was at his skill level! Just because he's only had a few partners doesn't mean he's not a freak in the sheets!!

Oh, this I realized quickly! I think the issue is that I have like x times the amount of partners he's had. Makes me feel like a skank He said he never had any "crazy" periods in his life but didn't seem to bat an eye that I mentioned I had.

Overanalyzer, party of one!

lol....stttooopppp iiiiittttt!!!

[starburst604]

I don't think it's a big deal. But no sex in like, 2 years? If you guys get it on it might register on the Richter scale!!!

[doriswe]

Oct 18, 2012 7:22:27 GMT -5 mintchocochip said:

Oct 18, 2012 7:20:51 GMT -5 doriswe said:

lol....stttooopppp iiiiittttt!!!

Ok, ok! The last thing he said before he left was, "I really like you"

Focus on that and the awesome kissing and put away the concerns about his lack of a million partners, m'kay???

[roselis]

Oct 18, 2012 7:26:48 GMT -5 starburst604 said:

I don't think it's a big deal. But no sex in like, 2 years? If you guys get it on it might register on the Richter scale!!!

:Y:

[gozf]

What bothers you about it? Are you afraid he's going to judge you for having more partners? Because he doesn't sound like the type -- and if he is, then he's no good anyway. Is there something else about it that bugs you?

I am so glad you had a great date! That's exciting. I hope there are many more to come!

[lovelybb]

Oct 18, 2012 7:02:05 GMT -5 mintchocochip said:

Oct 18, 2012 7:00:14 GMT -5 @roselis said:

I don't think it's a big issue. My friend recently had this exact thing (she is experienced, bf not so much). Things are fine now thougth. I'd say don't let it bother you at all.
Yay for awesome make out session!

Thanks! He didn't seem bothered when I was like "Oh really??" so I guess that's a good thing. He just was like, "Yeah I haven't found anyone I was interested enough in, I dated someone for a couple weeks but nothing serious".

This was D's attitude. When he and I first met, he had been single for about three years and had only had sex twice in the that time and that was probably about two years in... he was so focused on taking care of his kids too.

I wouldn't be worried about it! Sounds like a cool guy!

[jojoandleo]

Oct 18, 2012 7:19:38 GMT -5 mintchocochip said:

Oct 18, 2012 7:12:24 GMT -5 doriswe said:

Sounds like a fabulous date!!
As for the sex thing....I hooked up with a dude who had only slept with a few people. Honestly, I knew up front and was a little panicky about him being vanilla, but he was probably one of the best I've ever had!! In fact, I know I told him MULTIPLE times how shocked I was at his skill level! Just because he's only had a few partners doesn't mean he's not a freak in the sheets!!

Oh, this I realized quickly! I think the issue is that I have like x times the amount of partners he's had. Makes me feel like a skank He said he never had any "crazy" periods in his life but didn't seem to bat an eye that I mentioned I had.

Overanalyzer, party of one!

See,my only concern would be if he judged you for having a crazy period. Since he doesn't, I say go for it!

P.S.-My best friend was celibate for like 5 years. He got his heart broken and just didn't want to have sex with just anyone. He is not a prude or vanilla, he just didn't want random sex (he DID go through a crazy phase, though, so his number was much higher than 2). But, yeah, I see no problem with no sex for two years because he didn't find the right person.

[gozf]

I get it. I'd have that moment too. I'd then also probably start judging myself a little, because I do that sometimes. But that's just totally counterproductive, so I'd make myself stop before it got to the point of self-sabotage.

Bottom line: You're gorgeous and awesome, and all he's going to be thinking about is how lucky he is to be dating you.

[doriswe]

So let's play into that fear...so let's say he's vanilla....this is something that CAN be changed and if you have good chemistry, it will come naturally. I think you're completely overthinking this.

[doriswe]

Oct 18, 2012 8:45:32 GMT -5 dynamoo said:

Oct 18, 2012 8:37:13 GMT -5 mintchocochip said:

Totally over thinking but I appreciate the perspectives. From what I've gathered so far, he's not vanilla though

I find most who've had more LT to be more experienced in pleasing, etc... and overall better in bed! They take the time to figure things out, explore, etc... with their prior partner rather than having lots of short stints where they're not really exploring. If that makes sense?

I think this is a really good point!!

[hobs209]

Definitely give him a shot! He sounds like a good guy and hopefully you get to test out his skills to see for yourself

[Deleted]

Well, like some other PPs said, if he IS bad in bed, take the opportunity to teach him. To be honest, it is kind of refreshing hearing about a guy who hasn't had a lot of experience. Might mean he is one of those people that sex and other such thing mean a lot to?

Anyway, hurray for apples!

[stephbfan]

Not having a lot of partners doesn't mean he doesn't have experience!! I think I have learned more about sex in my long relationships than sleeping with a lot of different guys.

I also went 2 years with no sex. I had a lot of things to deal in that time and I also didn't feel great to go on dates so I cannot judge the guy at all.

Enjoy the dates and spending time with him. I once dated a guy who had not much experience and the good thing about it was that he was willing to learn and I had the chance to teach him what I like.

[achase123]

I don't think that's a downside at all. From my experience guys who have had a lot of sexual partners aren't necessarily better. It's the ones who have been in the LTR that have had time with one person to really learn how to please a woman who really have rocked my world.

Yay for an awesome date!

[jm5855]

Now I am curious, how did it come about in conversation what his number was and how long it had been since he had sex?

[heavenly]

I don't think him not having sex since 2010 is necessarily a bad thing, expecialy if he is a relationship type of guy.

It's been since July of 2011 since I had sex but I am doing this on purpose for me to realign myself for healing purposes. Now I am just more than ready to go "rawr".

[jm5855]

Oct 18, 2012 10:52:55 GMT -5 mintchocochip said:

Oct 18, 2012 10:36:33 GMT -5 jm5855 said:

Now I am curious, how did it come about in conversation what his number was and how long it had been since he had sex?

We were having a hot makeout session and a desire to ravish me was expressed (duh )Then he said something like, "not on a second date though" and then told me he's only been with 2 women, the ones he had long term relationships with.

Then I said something like, "oh really? When did your last relationship end?" 2010. "So you haven't had sex since then?" No, I have found anyone I really liked.

Gotcha, that makes sense. Was hoping he didn't just volunteer this information without being asked. That would be odd and somewhat sad...hahaha.

[bowies]

I'll pile on and say don't judge by the (limited) number of partners. I've only been with a small(ish) number, same with FI, but we're both damn good if I do say so myself.

Or, to put it another way, if he's been in a couple of LTRs, chances are he doesn't suck in bed. Most people don't stick around if the sex is bad, kwim? I'd much rather be with a man who has a history of being partner-focused than one whose entire sex life has consisted of pump-and-dump. It's also why he's not judging you for a crazy period - you also have a history of being in LTRs, and that's what's important.

[dakotadangerdog]

Quit looking for outs and just have fun! he sounds like a good guy

[usedtobebear]

I'm so happy to hear you are enjoying this guy, I hope it continues. I wouldn't worry about the low number, I don't neccessarily think that's a bad thing, UNLESS he has insecurities about it. My stbx had a way lower number than me and he had issues with it, which wasn't good for our relationship.

[naeljun]

Oct 18, 2012 10:22:24 GMT -5 achase123 said:

I don't think that's a downside at all. From my experience guys who have had a lot of sexual partners aren't necessarily better. It's the ones who have been in the LTR that have had time with one person to really learn how to please a woman who really have rocked my world.

Yay for an awesome date!

This is exactly what I was thinking. More long term, means more experimenting.

[leahmel]

I am sure it won't be a big deal, and odds are if you do end up having sex he will probably be very attentive and appreciative!!