s/o number of sexual partners

[doriswe]

So I'm pondering MCC's concern with the new guys low number and can't help but wonder if there would be an equal concern if the guy said "I boned 300 women last year". I get the concern for not enough partners but also think there's concern for too many partners. So what do you think is the "right" amount? Is it similar to your own? Higher? Lower? Can't remember what your number is?

Also, is it weird for ANYONE to not have sex in years or just guys? There are plenty of people here who have gone long periods of time without sex and I don't think anyone side-eyes them....so is it just abnormal for a guy??

Just pondering all things sex this morning!!

[Bernadine]

I'd just rather not know, whether it was 1 or 300. I don't want to have that conversation.

I do think it's a little weird to go for years as an adult, but it's not something that would turn me off.

[gozf]

Oct 18, 2012 8:36:17 GMT -5 mintchocochip said:

Oct 18, 2012 8:34:55 GMT -5 Bernadine said:

I'd just rather not know, whether it was 1 or 300. I don't want to have that conversation.

I do think it's a little weird to go for years as an adult, but it's not something that would turn me off.

Agreed. I will not have a "numbers" conversation. Aside from the fact that I don't know, I don't think it's important to a current relationship as long as there are no issues with health or fidelity.

Yup!!

[roselis]

Early on with XH, we had the "numbers" conversation. That's also when I found out a guy was going around telling people we had slept together when in fact I had turned him down. I had a very small number then. Now adays... I don't think how many people they slept with is that big of a deal.

[doriswe]

I don't think I want to have the numbers talk EVA....and part of that is I have no clue how many guys I've slept with....I could ballpark it! I guess I'm probably more concerned about health issues/safe sex and fidelity.

I guess I don't really see an issue with a dude not having sex for a long time....but I also went well over a year after XH moved out before I hooked up with someone!

[Deleted]

I guess I'm weird in that I'm one of those people who just can't have sex with people I'm not committed to in some shape or form, you know? I just can not do it. That being said, in order to even want to have sex, I have to find someone I connect with on both an emotional and physical level. This probably contributes to my super small number.

Again, I'm a weirdo.

[letyourselfgo]

Oct 18, 2012 8:27:52 GMT -5 doriswe said:

So I'm pondering MCC's concern with the new guys low number and can't help but wonder if there would be an equal concern if the guy said "I boned 300 women last year". I get the concern for not enough partners but also think there's concern for too many partners. So what do you think is the "right" amount? Is it similar to your own? Higher? Lower? Can't remember what your number is?

Also, is it weird for ANYONE to not have sex in years or just guys? There are plenty of people here who have gone long periods of time without sex and I don't think anyone side-eyes them....so is it just abnormal for a guy??

Just pondering all things sex this morning!!

I have a male friend has only been with two women and hasn't done the do in about nine years.....and he's 27. So, it happens.

Too many partners is only a concern in that if someone has slept with that many people, as in more than say....100 one night stands...then perhaps they either A. don't really hold sex in high esteem (which I do....) or are just looking for a good time. (see A. and that would be a major dealbreaker for me.)

[stephbfan]

As long as its not way too many is good but that's the issue, that number is relative.

I had a very low number but it really didn't mean much. I was in a long committed relationship so even though my number was low, it meant nothing in terms of experience. Now, well ehhh, that number went up significantly.

I refuse to talk about my number with guys. I just say I'm not a prude and if you want an innocent and virginal girl, well that's not me.

[turtle1120]

I believe in a don't ask, don't tell policy. First of all, I'm not entirely sure of my number. I have a good idea and could probably figure it out if I really wanted to, but it's not that important to me. And I sure as hell don't want to know how many women a guy I was with had been with. Well, unless it was some crazy high number but I'm not sure how I would know unless he volunteered that information.

I also don't think it's a big deal to not have sex for a couple years. I'm in the middle of a dry spell right now and I just have more important things to be taking care of. That said, if someone goes more than 5ish years without, I'm going to start to wonder about that person whether it's a man or woman.

[heavenly]

It depends on the attitude around the counts more than the counts itself.

For me, a man who emphasizes on how he has been with so many women and brags consistently or bring up the topic while struggling with sex in the relationship reeks ‘player’ or 'manipulator' to me. That is a big turn off. Then there are those who are obviously needy and seek validation from women all the time. These behaviors are red flags for me if I was considering entering into a relationship with.

But for a healthy level headed guy who shows a lot of respect, numbers do not matter to me.
My numbers are low but that is considering I was married/engaged for a total of 12 years. I am only 36 now

[achase123]

I tell my friends my number but don't necessarily have this discussion with sexual partners. Some I have told them the # and vice versa but some I haven't. I don't think it's important so long as both people have a clean sexual bill of health and/or disclose any information for the other person's health reasons.

I have been with plenty of guys who have bragged about their numbers (either can't remember or in the mid 30-40 range) and they have SUCKED in bed. I just don't think it means that much one way or the other so long as you learn what the other likes.

[jojoandleo]

H and I have never discussed number of partners. Frankly, it doesn't matter anymore because we care about each other. I rfankly just don't want to know because if it is super high I will feel bad and if it is super low I will feel slutty. As long as everyone is STD free, that's all that matters. I think based on relationship history we know about each other, we each have an approximate guess.

Although, I do have a friend who is in the triple digits and has had a lot of unprotected sex. He gets tested regularly and supposedly has always come back clean, but 100s of people? Unprotected? I dunno about that.

[formerlyak]

Fi and I don't discuss numbers (although we know a range for each other). We know we were both sexually active in the past. We both got STD tests early in our relationship and shared the results with each other and that was enough for us.

[bowies]

I think a lifetime # is irrelevant. You boned 3 people when you were 17? OK, that affects me how? A conversation on recent lifestyle and how he approaches dating/relationships is sufficient for me. No STDs and a healthy respect for women means we're good.

I know FI's number and he knows mine but that's because of a random conversation one day. It wasn't a "I CARE ABOUT THIS A LOT" kind of thing.

[dakotadangerdog]

Oct 18, 2012 11:48:36 GMT -5 bowies said:

I think a lifetime # is irrelevant. You boned 3 people when you were 17? OK, that affects me how? A conversation on recent lifestyle and how he approaches dating/relationships is sufficient for me. No STDs and a healthy respect for women means we're good.

I know FI's number and he knows mine but that's because of a random conversation one day. It wasn't a "I CARE ABOUT THIS A LOT" kind of thing.

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