Post by blackkitty on Oct 20, 2012 11:17:33 GMT -5
I'm looking forward to my step brother's wedding in three weeks, it's in New Orleans and I went to college there and haven't been back since I was pregnant so over 7 years! It will be my son's first time there and they have a really nice zoo and aquarium. It will be nice to see friends and family I haven't seen in a long time including a friend from college that I recently reconnected with on FB. The wedding is going to be at a really beautiful place too and it's going to be huge. They are going all out.
My mom is not so excited. I feel sad for her but I understand. My step brother hasn't always been nice to her, same for his brother and sister. My mom and step father got married just about one year after his wife died. They knew each other before though (he was her best friend's brother) There is so much drama and resentment around this wedding! I guess the bigger the wedding the more drama. I don't know. Plus my step brother is very strange.
So no kids are invited, okay no big deal we got a babysitter for my son and his cousins. Now we just found out that no kids are invited to the rehearsal dinner when the plan was the kids would come. It's hard to find a sitter in a city you don't live in and it would have been nice to have my son included in some way in the wedding. Again no big deal I'll just get a sitter or not go. But then he said if enough people send regrets for the rehearsal dinner they will include kids. So... do I get a sitter or not? And the people that say they can't go will likely be the ones with kids!
And my mom and stepdad offered to pay for the rehearsal dinner until they ended up wanting to spend $75 a plate for 60 guests! And my mom is pissed because she has no say in who is being invited (the kid thing) And she's resentful b/c she doesn't want to pay for the rehearsal dinner b/c they don't have the money. And apparently the bride's mom is wealthy and thinks everyone else is, hence the extravagant everything. (my mom thinks its weird to send invitations to a rehearsal dinner) And now my mom can't spend money on anything... we went shopping last night and she was going to get makeup for the wedding but can't spend any money b/c she has to pay for the rehearsal dinner (and they had other unplanned expenses that just came up like unrelated to the wedding)
She doesn't even want to go to the wedding now because of all this. I told her she should just stay home and watch the grandkids if she's going to be miserable (not seriously, hey maybe I will but I already paid for the hotel) She's like... I wish they would've just eloped. Which is ironic b/c she didn't speak to me for a long time after I eloped!
Oh, and she thinks it's SO WEIRD that the bride is having a best man instead of maid of honor and my step brother is having his childhood friend as his best man instead of his brother.
And the wedding is at the same location as the reception but only family are invited to the wedding. That's seems really weird to me, but whatevs. Maybe it's a space issue. But I can't imagine traveling to a wedding and being invited to the rehearsal dinner and reception and not the actual wedding? Isn't the wedding the point of the whole thing?
If I ever get married again, I am totally having a drama free wedding! Is there such a thing? It's definitely going to be small and simple.
Some of my friends (and especially my sister) had the craziest drama filled weddings. Then again it seems more like it's the drama queens that did. Or in some cases those that had huge weddings.
Personally, I'd decline on the rehearsal dinner. If they end up changing things where kids can come, that might be a different story. But if they do change it to that, and all of the people with kids do end up coming, that's going to be more of an expense for your mom. Catch-22 there And it sucks that your mom hasn't been able to have any say in that. She totally should since she's been planning on footing the bill.
With my wedding, it was going to be about 150 people, super expensive, lots of detail, and all that ended up stressing me out like crazy. I didn't even want a majority of those people there. I've decided that if/when it happens, it's going to be very small. Only close family and really good friends. Probably on a beach somewhere, keeping it really simple. I don't want to deal with the headaches of all that crap again.
ETA - I hope you end up having an awesome time and that the drama's at a minimum.
Somehow weddings always create drama within families. I feel sorry for your mom dealing with all of this. I had a very small wedding-50 people- for this exact reason. I wouldn't change a thing....well, except for the groom lol. If I ever get married again, small is the way to go! Maybe a destination wedding or just fly to Vegas! IMO the expense and stress is just NOT worth it. Good luck with this situation.
MIL an FIL offered to pay for our rehearsal dinner.
We had a pretty fancy wedding, the rehearsal dinner did not match out wedding at all,but I loved it. DH an I are not overly fancy people, and his family doesn't have much money.
They had a BBQ at their house with hamburgers an hotdogs. We have a blast!
(I ended up giving MIL the burgers an buns as DH an I were moving out of town right after the wedding an we still had a box in our freezer from a previous BBQ. This made me happy as they had to stretch their money to just have the dinner in the first place.)
Ugh! Sorry you're going through this. I just got married this month and I thought it was going to be drama-free. DH and his mom got into a fight the night before and she refused to come to the wedding. It's certainly made things interesting.