Helping a friend through a bad break-up

[picksthemusic]

So, a coworker and good friend's ex-bf broke up with her. They'd been together a few years, and had started merging things (cars, accounts, etc), and were even "engaged" on and off. It was serious. This friend also lost her husband in a terrible car accident several years ago, and she has two boys from this marriage that were starting to think of this ex-bf as a "dad" figure.

Anyway, he took all of his stuff out of the house and took titles to things that have her name on them, and basically walked out on her with little to no explanation. We think there may have been another woman, but aren't sure of any details. She's a very private person, so we're trying not to pry too much.

She's crying on and off, is very sad, and I'm just heartbroken for her. She's a good friend, and has watched M for us, and I really love her. I'd get her flowers, but the ex-bf used to send her flowers ALL the time (to say sorry, to say I love you, etc), and she never appreciated it, and frankly I think she'd be happy if she never got flowers again.

What would you guys do? I think we might get her a massage gift certificate or something, but I'd love to do something a bit more if I could. Any ideas?

[Deleted]

What about a cookie bouquet or fruit bouquet?

When my good friend's bf broke up with her we got a few girlfriends together and took her out of town for the weekend and chilaxed.

Can you watch her kids for her while she has some time to herself? I think listening and letting her cry is good too.

[kwpnjumper55]

Being over ice cream, chocolate syrup, whip cream, and some good movies. I like to wallow when I'm sad

[may]

Oct 23, 2012 11:42:55 GMT -5 @jennuinne said:

Offering to watch her kids is a good idea. Or help cover some things at work? I think for a day or two, I'd just want to be alone and ball my eyes out.

After that, you need someone to talk to and/or distract you so you don't just keep crying and obsessing. So, then I'd offer to hang out or do happy hour or go to a movie or whatever you can to keep her company.

All of this :Y:

[fiddles]

Happy hour
Take her out for lunch
Take her out for dinner
Massage certificate with a "coupon" to watch her kids
A simple card to let her know you're thinking of her and there whenever she needs you

[Deleted]

Oct 23, 2012 11:42:55 GMT -5 @jennuinne said:

Offering to watch her kids is a good idea. Or help cover some things at work? I think for a day or two, I'd just want to be alone and ball my eyes out.

After that, you need someone to talk to and/or distract you so you don't just keep crying and obsessing. So, then I'd offer to hang out or do happy hour or go to a movie or whatever you can to keep her company.

These are excellent suggestions.

For today, maybe even just go get her a treat at Starbucks? Like her favorite drink and a decadent pastry.

[jennlin]

IK has a good suggestion. i'd get her a coffee today, offer to take out the kids today, and then maybe a gc to red robin for her to take her kids out. cooking/grocery shopping sucks when you're sad..so gc's for takeout..or bringing her takeout.

[sarack]

Oct 23, 2012 11:46:30 GMT -5 may said:

Oct 23, 2012 11:42:55 GMT -5 @jennuinne said:

Offering to watch her kids is a good idea. Or help cover some things at work? I think for a day or two, I'd just want to be alone and ball my eyes out.

After that, you need someone to talk to and/or distract you so you don't just keep crying and obsessing. So, then I'd offer to hang out or do happy hour or go to a movie or whatever you can to keep her company.

All of this

me too.

[llh0211]

I think the pp's have good suggestions. Speaking from my personal experience, distraction is what helped me the most. And still continues to months later... So maybe a gc to do something fun with the kids, or bring over wine, ice cream and have a girls night in. Let her know that you're there for her if/when she needs an ear or shoulder...

[karebear219]

Oct 23, 2012 12:34:59 GMT -5 llh0211 said:

I think the pp's have good suggestions. Speaking from my personal experience, distraction is what helped me the most. And still continues to months later... So maybe a gc to do something fun with the kids, or bring over wine, ice cream and have a girls night in. Let her know that you're there for her if/when she needs an ear or shoulder...

This.