Explaining death to a toddler.

[satama]

Well I guess maybe he is a preschooler. DS1 is 2 (3 in December). His great grandmother just died. Because the funeral will be hours from home and my mom currently has pneumonia, we will have to take both kids. I am worried about DS freaking out when he sees everyone upset. Any advice?

He has never dealt with death before and I am trying to figure out what to say exactly. We aren't religious.

[SusanBAnthony]

We have gone through this. With my grandma it was sort of horrible bc they did the full laying out the embalmed body creaptastic thing ::shudders::. Anyway, neither of my kids would go in the room with the open casket, which I can totally understand.

We are not religious either, so I said something like "when people and animals get old, their bodies wear out and don't work right any ore. Sometimes the doctor can fix them, but when you get really old, the dr. Can't fix it and you die. Then we say good buy to the person and bury them. Sometimes people cry bc they are d, but really it is ok for grandma to die bc she was very sick and was ready to die. Everyone dies eventually when they get old and that is ok."

Then we repeated variations of the conversation with 20 questions for the next 3 months!

The only thing I found hard to explain (and pretty much lied to avoid) was cremation. I couldn't figure out any good way to explain that we burn the bodies up, lol. I have since explained it vaguely, saying something like "her body was turned to ashes" but explaining how that happens, and they haven't asked.

[princessx]

We had a cat that died of old age so that was the first time we explained death to our 2 DD's who were 3 and 5 at the time. Pretty much as a previous poster said - we explained about bodies getting old and not working anymore. We aren't religious either so we didn't talk about heaven or anything like that - just that they wouldn't be able to see the kitty anymore but they would be able to feel her in their hearts forever.

Then when a person they knew died and we started to explain they just said "Oh yes, just like Kitty!".

Best part - a few months after the cat had died my younger daughter was playing and gasped and clutched her heart and very seriously said "Mommy, I just thought of Kitty and I DO FEEL HER IN MY HEART! Right between my boobies!".

I guess kids listen after all!

Px

[cjeanette]

My grandma passed last winter and my kids were 3 and 6. They didn't freak out at all at the actual funeral. They were very interested in why "omie" was in the casket, wanted to say hi, wanted to ask questions. I thought it was good for them in a way.

Now the actual closing of the casket and putting in the hearse? I wouldn't let them see that again. DD started screaming "don't do that she can't SEEEEEEE". That was a bit of a tear jerker.

[pitterwoo]

Oct 25, 2012 8:37:30 GMT -5 princessx said:

Best part - a few months after the cat had died my younger daughter was playing and gasped and clutched her heart and very seriously said "Mommy, I just thought of Kitty and I DO FEEL HER IN MY HEART! Right between my boobies!".

I guess kids listen after all!

Px

that is really cute!

don't be too worried, they really can handle more than you'd think. grief doesn't hit them in the hard way it does for adults. Just keep repeating the simple explanations like the pps and they will probably roll with it just fine.