50/50 Custody

[DirtyMartini]

Do the courts really favor 50/50 custody? My STBX is fighting for this, even though he doesn't see them all that much now. He says his attorney said that the court is usually in favor of this. To me it seems like it will disrupt our kids' lives more, and it doesn't look at the fact that I am their primary caregiver.

I am scared of giving up so much time with the kids. I know every court, every state is different, I just wanted to hear from you ladies who have experience with this.

Thanks

[DirtyMartini]

I don't know what his attorney means, or even if that was said. I know he (STBX) wants one day on, one day off, which seems awful for the kids. As it is, they are at the babysitter's more than they are with him because he uses the day after he works a shift to sleep or play video games. Why does he all the sudden want this time with them?

[formerlyak]

It depends on your state. In CA, they prefer 50/50 physical and legal. Luckily ex agreed with me that flip flopping back and forth wasn't the best, so he gave me primary physical custody and got an apartment very near by so he could still be around for everything.

[turtle1120]

Do you have an attorney? Your attorney could answer this question as it applies to where you live.

One day on, one day off sounds horrible and I would never agree to that. In my state, 50/50 is only awarded if both parties agree to it.

ETA: 50/50 physical custody that is. Joint custody is, in essence, 50/50 legal custody.

[achase123]

Oct 25, 2012 11:48:07 GMT -5 turtle1120 said:

Do you have an attorney? Your attorney could answer this question as it applies to where you live.

One day on, one day off sounds horrible and I would never agree to that. In my state, 50/50 is only awarded if both parties agree to it.

This, and I've more often seen 50/50 legal, not physical. It just depends on the circumstances.

[roselis]

I have 50/50 custody. We tried the one on, one off. That was horrible and A wasn't sleeping well. We now have 3 days on, 3 days off, and switch half way through Sunday. It works a lot better for us. I do miss A like crazy, but we also have in our agreement that when away from the child for more than 24 hrs we have the option to call and talk to our child. If you want, you can PM me and we can talk about it more in depth.
I can't answer if they favor it as we came to our agreement outside of court. It does seem that they favor joint physical and joint legal though. Ohio is a maternal state so the mom is usually given primary unless deemed unfit

[chrissie3416]

I also have 50/50 custody technically. I am the primary legal/physical custodial parent but our time with her is even when you count the days of the month. I know in NYS that most parents with 50/50 custody do not get child support. That may or may not be his reasoning. And it may be different where you live.

[bravofan]

My XH and I have 50/50 custody. We realized that a week on and week off works best for him. It's hard for me to be away from him that long, but it's good for him. Plus, I schedule isn't set in stone because XH travels for work and we make up the schedule every month. The judge said if it's working, then go with that. Plus, I can call my DS anytime and XH will let DS call me anytime.

[stephbfan]

My ex was awarded 50/50 being six months here- six months there. I appealed because I thought it was too much for my 1 y/o daughter. So it can definitely happen even if the two parents don't agree.

I think that if we lived close enough, we would be doing 50/50 though and its pretty standard to have joint legal.

[turtle1120]

Oct 25, 2012 12:34:28 GMT -5 stephbfan said:

My ex was awarded 50/50 being six months here- six months there. I appealed because I thought it was too much for my 1 y/o daughter. So it can definitely happen even if the two parents don't agree.

I think that if we lived close enough, we would be doing 50/50 though and its pretty standard to have joint legal.

That's crazy! And would never work out once she started school. I'm surprised any judge would think that would work out.

[DirtyMartini]

You guys are so great. Thank you for answering my questions! I am perfectly ok with shared parenting and do not want him out of their lives; however, he only does so much for them NOW, why does he want 50/50 physical custody?

I do have an attorney, and she never once alluded to the fact that we would have have 50/50 custody, so I am sure he is using this as a "scare tactic" so he can get me to give him a dissolution rather than a divorce and he can get out of paying child support. I think. I don't know.

[stephbfan]

Oct 25, 2012 12:47:01 GMT -5 turtle1120 said:

Oct 25, 2012 12:34:28 GMT -5 stephbfan said:

My ex was awarded 50/50 being six months here- six months there. I appealed because I thought it was too much for my 1 y/o daughter. So it can definitely happen even if the two parents don't agree.

I think that if we lived close enough, we would be doing 50/50 though and its pretty standard to have joint legal.

That's crazy! And would never work out once she started school. I'm surprised any judge would think that would work out.

Trust me, I was surprised too. The judge's main reason for it was that he thought DD would benefit from an equal international upraising. International upraising my ass. She was still breastfed and I fought with the money I didn't have to change that.
I feel bad for my ex but at this juncture, it had to be me or him.

[prettyinpearls]

How old are your children and how close to each other do you live? These both play a major factor.

Your STBXH is a firefighter who works 24/48 shifts, correct? How could he possibly do day on/day off when he’s working every third day? By the second “switch” it would fall on his scheduled shift.

My guess is that he’s just using this as a scare tactic, as a lot of them do. My XH tried this crap when we were first separating too. And hell, he tried bringing it up again just recently when his CS went up. Coincidence? I think not.

[lovelybb]

D's ex was more than happy to do 50/50 custody... she loves all the extra $$$ in CS she gets now. For the record, D's time with his daughter before the new agreement was a few afternoons and one overnight... so he basically had to buy his child and didn't want to leave up to a judge. Just bought herself a $200 purse. She's awesome.

[DirtyMartini]

Oct 25, 2012 12:53:59 GMT -5 prettyinpearls said:

How old are your children and how close to each other do you live? These both play a major factor.

Your STBXH is a firefighter who works 24/48 shifts, correct? How could he possibly do day on/day off when he’s working every third day? By the second “switch” it would fall on his scheduled shift.

My guess is that he’s just using this as a scare tactic, as a lot of them do. My XH tried this crap when we were first separating too. And hell, he tried bringing it up again just recently when his CS went up. Coincidence? I think not.

Yes he is a firefighter and works that type of shift. As it is, he works one day, the next day kids are at babysitter, and the day before he works he has with them. I told him I would agree to THAT custody arrangement. He could see them every third day. He said no, and now we're at a standoff until the courts can decide once our divorce is filed.

The worst part? We still live together. He won't move out! His parents live down the street from his fire station, and his brother lives around the corner from us. Just go somewhere else! My parents live 45 minutes away and it is not at all logical for me to leave. I have a call into the lawyer regarding getting my name off the lease that we signed, so we'll see.

[DirtyMartini]

Oct 25, 2012 12:57:30 GMT -5 lovelybb said:

D's ex was more than happy to do 50/50 custody... she loves all the extra $$$ in CS she gets now. For the record, D's time with his daughter before the new agreement was a few afternoons and one overnight... so he basically had to buy his child and didn't want to leave up to a judge. Just bought herself a $200 purse. She's awesome.

Just for the record, I couldn't care less about child support. I just want my time with them. I don't think two out of three days is being greedy or vindictive (not that your post implied I was, but just in case it did )

[lovelybb]

Oct 25, 2012 13:01:55 GMT -5 DirtyMartini said:

Oct 25, 2012 12:57:30 GMT -5 lovelybb said:

D's ex was more than happy to do 50/50 custody... she loves all the extra $$$ in CS she gets now. For the record, D's time with his daughter before the new agreement was a few afternoons and one overnight... so he basically had to buy his child and didn't want to leave up to a judge. Just bought herself a $200 purse. She's awesome.

Just for the record, I couldn't care less about child support. I just want my time with them. I don't think two out of three days is being greedy or vindictive (not that your post implied I was, but just in case it did )

Oh no, not implying you were vindictive at all. It sounds you obviously want the time with them because you're a parent and it's not about the $$.

[stephbfan]

Oct 25, 2012 12:59:40 GMT -5 DirtyMartini said:

Oct 25, 2012 12:53:59 GMT -5 prettyinpearls said:

How old are your children and how close to each other do you live? These both play a major factor.

Your STBXH is a firefighter who works 24/48 shifts, correct? How could he possibly do day on/day off when he’s working every third day? By the second “switch” it would fall on his scheduled shift.

My guess is that he’s just using this as a scare tactic, as a lot of them do. My XH tried this crap when we were first separating too. And hell, he tried bringing it up again just recently when his CS went up. Coincidence? I think not.

Yes he is a firefighter and works that type of shift. As it is, he works one day, the next day kids are at babysitter, and the day before he works he has with them. I told him I would agree to THAT custody arrangement. He could see them every third day. He said no, and now we're at a standoff until the courts can decide once our divorce is filed.

The worst part? We still live together. He won't move out! His parents live down the street from his fire station, and his brother lives around the corner from us. Just go somewhere else! My parents live 45 minutes away and it is not at all logical for me to leave. I have a call into the lawyer regarding getting my name off the lease that we signed, so we'll see.

That is complete nonsense and quite frankly, I highly doubt a judge would take the kids from their mother so they can spend time at the babysitter's.
Are you guys doing that right now or is it just his proposal?

[DirtyMartini]

Oct 25, 2012 13:08:58 GMT -5 stephbfan said:

Oct 25, 2012 12:59:40 GMT -5 DirtyMartini said:

Yes he is a firefighter and works that type of shift. As it is, he works one day, the next day kids are at babysitter, and the day before he works he has with them. I told him I would agree to THAT custody arrangement. He could see them every third day. He said no, and now we're at a standoff until the courts can decide once our divorce is filed.

The worst part? We still live together. He won't move out! His parents live down the street from his fire station, and his brother lives around the corner from us. Just go somewhere else! My parents live 45 minutes away and it is not at all logical for me to leave. I have a call into the lawyer regarding getting my name off the lease that we signed, so we'll see.

That is complete nonsense and quite frankly, I highly doubt a judge would take the kids from their mother so they can spend time at the babysitter's.
Are you guys doing that right now or is it just his proposal?

It's just a proposal. I thought it was decent and would not disrupt their schedule. Hell, they probably wouldn't even realize that anything has changed since they are so young (3 and 1) and right now STBX and I avoid each other anyhow.

OK, I'm feeling better about this.

[naeljun]

They are too young for 50/50 physical custody. DD was 3 when we divorced and there was no way my ex even wanted that much time never mind if I would go for it. We have joint custody with me having placement. He sees DD EOW and on Th nights. He does usually keep her over on Sunday nights on his weekend.

It doesn't matter if the kids are with a sitter when they are with him. honestly. Unless said sitter is abusing them or something so that is poor reasoning as to why he shouldn't have 50/50 custody. His work schedule and their age are the most important factors. Too much back and forth isn't good for them. The one year old would probably be OK with it but not the 3 yr old.

As DD has gotten older, she is now 7, EH has wanted to take her more and more. I still only allow sticking to the schedule because he is a douche when I don't. That's a long story.