NYT Article on the Nanny Murders

[Deleted]

This will be a post and retreat to regular MM, but I thought you guys might find this article about the murders hannamaren posted about interesting... particularly the discussion of the UrbanBaby discussions...


New York Parents Rattled by Fatal Stabbing of Two Siblings
By JENNY ANDERSON
It is often the sweetest time of day for harried parents. That magical moment when children retreat from the unpredictable, aggressive city to wash off the dirt of the day and settle into their soothing evening routine of bath time and bedtime stories.

Instead, on Thursday evening, mothers and fathers around the city were startled to learn of a shocking story emerging on the Upper West Side: a nanny had fatally stabbed two small children, the police said, and then stabbed herself, a puzzling intrusion of violence into the ordinary family rituals of an autumn evening.

“It’s beyond horrifying,” said Wendy Sachs, an author and mother. “It’s beyond any mother’s worst nightmare.”

The double homicide, on a well-to-do block near Central Park, elevated every parent’s worry to a new level. It especially unsettled those who rely on hired caregivers, strangers who become intimate members of their household and their children’s lives.

Few parents hand their children over to nannies lightly. It is a complex relationship, fraught with expectations and anxiety: Will they read enough or resort to TV? Are they on the phone too much? Do they substitute fries for carrots when parents are at work?

Those concerns seemed trite last night, as details emerged about the gruesome killings. A mother returned home around dinnertime to find two of her three children, ages 2 and 6, stabbed in the bathtub. The nanny lay nearby, gripping a bloody knife, having slit her own throat. Neighbors recounted hearing bloodcurdling screams, not of the children, but of the mother discovering what no parent could ever imagine. The nanny was arrested and taken to NewYork-Presbyterian Hospital/Weill Cornell Medical Center, where she was in critical but stable condition Thursday night.

Horror immediately swept through online forums for parents. Urban Baby, a chat site with a heavy following among affluent Manhattan and Brooklyn mothers, lit up with comments and stinging criticism, with some questioning why some stay-at-home mothers need nannies and others arguing that mothers who choose to work are asking for trouble.

One mother who was contemplating getting a nanny announced she would now stay at home until her children were in kindergarten.

Others wondered why so many mothers were up fretting about something so unlikely. Wasn’t the likelihood of cancer, or a car accident, far greater?

“You don’t get how dizzying this is? This is 9/11 territory for this family. It makes no sense,” another mother said in response.

Empathy was not absent, however: “Is there anything worse?” one post said. “No. Nothing. My heart aches.”

Some parents might have missed the story; it came at the moment in their day when many tune out of work and switch off smartphones to make dinner, read a story, muck through fractions or tuck small bodies into cribs and beds. They relish the short moments they get, and hope that the ones they had with their caregivers were instructive and fun, safe and loving. They trust that the hundreds of decisions, big and small, made every day are sound ones, from getting across maddeningly busy streets, feeding and bathing their children and exercising safe and sound judgment.

They don’t imagine abuse, or conceive of murder.

Parents go to great lengths to be sure they are hiring safe, reliable and loving caregivers. They do reference checks and background checks. Some install nanny cams and pull a few surprise visits. But once a nanny is hired, a profound level of trust steers the relationship. And parents forgive caregivers small things because of the way in which they see them love their children.

The relationship between mothers and their nannies is a complicated one, said Ms. Sachs, a onetime Upper West Side resident who, over the years, has employed 12 nannies and wrote “How She Really Does It: Secrets of Successful Stay-at-Work Moms.” “When we leave the house and we hand our kids over to someone else, you just hope for the best,” she said. “At the end of the day, there is a little bit of a leap of faith.”

Murder is rare in the section of the Upper West Side where the stabbings occurred. Most days, families roam the sidewalks and nearby Central Park with young children in strollers or on scooters; safety and security are assumed.

And even on Thursday evening, a block away from the crime scene, mothers entered a nursery school for parents’ night, pausing just briefly to look up at the circling news helicopters and wonder aloud what was going on.

www.nytimes.com/2012/10/26/nyregion/new-york-parents-rattled-by-fatal-stabbing-of-2-children-on-upper-west-side.html?hp&pagewanted=print

[Deleted]

It's so sad. But it's definitely a one off.

Has anyone ever been to Urban Baby? I clicked on it last year after that Gawker article came out about their discussion of whether some absurdly high income in NYC is rich or not. Chock full of psychos over there, lol. Probably because it's totally anonymous.

[anna7602]

It's being discussed on CE & P, too.

The comments on the various NYT articles about this incident are peachy. Basically, let's forget that this family is suffering unimaginable pain and sling mud at them for daring to hire a nanny.

WTF is wrong with people?

[Deleted]

Oct 26, 2012 8:54:59 GMT -5 @lcap said:

It's so sad. But it's definitely a one off.

Has anyone ever been to Urban Baby? I clicked on it last year after that Gawker article came out about their discussion of whether some absurdly high income in NYC is rich or not. Chock full of psychos over there, lol. Probably because it's totally anonymous.

That is the only time I've been to Urban Baby (because I don't have a baby) but that thread was one of the most amazing things I have ever read.

[pugz]

ridiculous. From reports, it sounds like this family was very close to the nanny. They had just visited the nanny's family in the dominican republic!

i am wondering if there was some kind of mental illness involved, psychotic break maybe?

[Deleted]

This is definitely one off, but terrifying and awful nonetheless. This poor family :-(

[GailGoldie]

I think people start to make the comments about moms working etc just to feel in control. Because hearing stories like this make us all realize how vulnerable life is and we want to feel like we can control it in some way.

I cant stop thinking about this story. It is haunting.

[bronxgirl]

Oct 26, 2012 9:12:08 GMT -5 GailGoldie said:

I think people start to make the comments about moms working etc just to feel in control. Because hearing stories like this make us all realize how vulnerable life is and we want to feel like we can control it in some way.

I cant stop thinking about this story. It is haunting.

I agree. This story is so horriffying that people immediately jump to reasons why it can't happen to them.

[Deleted]

I feel like puking.