Post by georgeharrison on Oct 26, 2012 13:01:21 GMT -5
One of my cousins that lives out of state was having a hard time: lost his job, his girlfriend, running with wrong friends, etc. He just turned 30. My mom invited him to come stay with her for a fresh start. He came in on Monday and has basically done nothing. He had a job lead for FedEx, but they said they would start hiring on Nov. 1, and they'd let him know. My step-dad runs a business out of their home (well, he does sales, but the home base is their house). He had all this work (pick up, labor type work) around the house/garage, etc., and said that he would pay him to do it (he's not paying anything to stay there - eat their food, etc.). My mom showed him specifically what to do. He said okay but then just went in his room and got online. That was early yesterday morning. My mom said he hasn't done anything except be online since he got there (besides checking in at FedEx). My mom is already regretting having him come here.
Post by madDawg228 on Oct 26, 2012 13:05:34 GMT -5
I commend your parents for trying to help your cousin. I feel sorry that they are stuck with a 30 yr old manchild Can they take away his internet usage at all?
Post by georgeharrison on Oct 26, 2012 13:12:33 GMT -5
this was the email I sent my mom (she asked for advice):
Well, I think you definitely need to have a talk with him. I'd say give him one week. Then, tell him you wanted to check in with him and also let him know how you see things going. If I were you, I'd say that you expect him to find a job and then start paying rent and helping with groceries (keep it cheap like $150/month for both or something). Give him like 2 weeks from then. Tell him in the meantime, you had jobs for him to do around the house that he could do to earn that $$ for rent and groceries. You can tell him that you and (step dad) will drive him to work for the first few weeks, but then after that, he'll need to try to buy a car or find some other ride. I'd offer to help him with a small amount of a downpayment as well...maybe like $300. That won't help a lot, but at least he won't feel like he has to completely do it on his own. I'd say something along the lines of, "We are willing to help you out as much as we can if we see that you are really trying to get on your feet." I would also give him a deadline. Tell him if he doesn't find a job by Thanksgiving, he needs to go home. A month should be plenty of time especially with all the seasonal hiring.
Ditto Jennlin, that's good advice! Commendable that she's trying to help, but he needs to also put in effort to help himself. Is he religious like you are at all? Can he seek some help from the pastor just in having someone to talk to since he's probably feeling down at what's going in currently. But you are right, your mom needs to not let him take advantage of them.
Ditto Jennlin, that's good advice! Commendable that she's trying to help, but he needs to also put in effort to help himself. Is he religious like you are at all? Can he seek some help from the pastor just in having someone to talk to since he's probably feeling down at what's going in currently. But you are right, your mom needs to not let him take advantage of them.
He was raised in church, but I'm not sure he would be open to talking to a pastor. He's super shy and quiet. Plus, he definitely "lost his way." He was talking to my mom and me in my car the other day and my mom asked him about his ex-wife. He said that he had talked to her a little the last couple days, that she was doing okay if she could stay off the ice. My mom is so innocent. She says, "Oh, did she hurt her ankle or something." He's like, "Um, no, like meth. She's on it bad. I was on it bad."
My mom asked if he still was and he said no that he hadn't done it since April.
Ok, then I think a condition of his staying at the house is that he needs to go to Narcotics Anonymous or whatever its' called now. Kudos he's been off since April, but that stuff is SEVERELY addictive, and is he's having troubles emotionally, it would be too easy to turn back to that to help manage feelings.
Ok, then I think a condition of his staying at the house is that he needs to go to Narcotics Anonymous or whatever its' called now. Kudos he's been off since April, but that stuff is SEVERELY addictive, and is he's having troubles emotionally, it would be too easy to turn back to that to help manage feelings.
Agreed. It's hard to kick and easy to slip up and into old habits, especially when things aren't going well.
This. And I totally and completely agree with what you said to your mom. Hopefully he gets his act together soon.