what do you call your parents-in-law?

[Deleted]

I also just realized that SO calls my grandmother Nana (the name we all use). he usually avoids addressing my parents, but they are cool with first names - they would think anything else was odd.

[Deleted]

First names.

I don't call my stepparents Mom or Dad, and they've been in my life a lot longer than my in-laws. I love my in-laws, but it would be weird to call my stepparents by their first names but my in-laws Mom and Dad.

[salbert79]

I call them by their first names, but now that we have DS, I guess I have to start practicing saying Grandma and Grandpa.

[Muddled]

What do you want to call her? Call her that. She'll correct you if it bothers her.

I don't understand why this is such a sensitive issue that you can't bring it up. I mean, if you knew she had a preference that you didn't agree with, then I could get tiptoeing around it, but because you just don't know? What?

[rikki]

Señor first name and Mamiña

[Rachael070707]

I call my MIL and FIL mom and dad. It started with it being easier to call FIL dad because DH is a junior. Gradually I started calling MIL mom and it works for us. I love them and we have a fabulous relationship. It doesn’t bother my mom either because DH sometimes calls her mom or her first name. Step-dad is his first name to both of us, as is my step-mom. For my dad, DH just calls him by his first name. My dad is like that though, even growing up he never wanted to be Mr. X and instead preferred to be called by his first name.

I know who my parents are and for me, it doesn’t take away anything from our respective relationships to share a “mom” title. If anything, it’s brought my mom and mil closer.

[ladybrettashley]

I've recently started calling them Mom and Dad, but it still feels weird and sticks in my throat. I avoid calling them anything if I can help it. Now that we have a kid it's easier because I can refer to them as Nana and Papa around DS.

[Mrs.Beagle]

First names. I can't call them mom and dad.

H calls my parents by their first names, at their insistence.

[midnightrae]

I'm not married, but I call my SO's parents by their first name. I would never call them mom or dad.

[Deleted]

May 22, 2012 10:56:41 GMT -5 Muddled said:

What do you want to call her? Call her that. She'll correct you if it bothers her.

I don't understand why this is such a sensitive issue that you can't bring it up. I mean, if you knew she had a preference that you didn't agree with, then I could get tiptoeing around it, but because you just don't know? What?

she wouldn't - that's the problem. she would probably just be offended, seethe, and keep it in for forty years.


ETA: I really don't care what I call her - if she's cool with it, I'm cool with it.

[sunshine608]

Mr. and Ms. FirstName

Its a southern thing I guess.

[firefly]

Mom & Dad. I lucked out in the in-law department, though.

[adlove]

May 22, 2012 11:09:43 GMT -5 sunshine608 said:

Mr. and Ms. FirstName

Its a southern thing I guess.

I was just going to say the same thing. H and I have been together since high school also, so when we started dating I called them Mr. and Mrs. FirstName, so it doesn't feel right to drop the Mr. and Mrs. Now just because we're married.

[Muddled]

May 22, 2012 11:07:10 GMT -5 tacom said:

May 22, 2012 10:56:41 GMT -5 Muddled said:

What do you want to call her? Call her that. She'll correct you if it bothers her.

I don't understand why this is such a sensitive issue that you can't bring it up. I mean, if you knew she had a preference that you didn't agree with, then I could get tiptoeing around it, but because you just don't know? What?

she wouldn't - that's the problem. she would probably just be offended, seethe, and keep it in for forty years.


ETA: I really don't care what I call her - if she's cool with it, I'm cool with it.

I'm feeling very black and white today, but I see that as her problem and not yours.

I understand that you don't see it that way, so just ask her. "You know, I'm never exactly sure what I should call you. What do you prefer?" If she replies with something like, "Oh, I don't care. Whatever," then you say, "How about I call you FirstName?"

That gives her the chance to voice an opinion and it's all out in the open. No seething. And if she does seethe, then she's just looking for something to seethe about and it's all out of your hands.

[Awkward]

SO and I aren't married, but I don't think I'd ever call his parents Mom and Dad. Mainly because his parents are no longer married and have remarried (or as good as remarried), so I don't see the point of calling them something like "Mom and Steve" and "Dad and Paula." First names all around. I do call his grandmother "memere" like the rest of the family does. Calling her by her first name seems disrespectful.

Interestingly, when I asked my parents what SO should call them, my mom said pointedly that he would probably avoid addressing them directly so it doesn't really matter. And she was right.

[papie]

First names. DH does the same. I may have called them Mr and Mrs pre-wedding, I can't remember.

[heygrey]

mom and dad. i never thought i would (when i was single and thinking about hypothetical relationships), but they do the parenting role so well it was natural. i didn't start calling them that until we were married though. before that, i avoided addressing them directly or used their first names.

[phoeny]

May 22, 2012 10:30:47 GMT -5 tacom said:

or your SO's parents for those who may not be married?

if you are married, do you now address your in-laws differently than you did before the wedding?


this poll is prompted by my conversation with SO. after over three years of dating and four years of knowing his parents, I have effectively managed to never directly address them because I don't know wtf to call them. even SO is at a loss. we both agree that his mom probably wouldn't be okay with me calling her by her first name - she refers to her in-laws as mom/dad.

Either first names or mom/dad. My H calls my mother mom though.

[agnes]

I went a long time with out actually using any names.

FIL is not really in the picture anymore.

MIL, I call her by her first name, a shortened version of her name, or Grammy when the nieces and nephews are around.

[noodleoo]

My H's parents are Mr and Mrs Lastname. I can't imagine calling them anything more personal.

[angnshaun]

By their first names

[dreamsofdesign]

In person, I generally use their first names. I asked his mom what her preference was when we got engaged - prior to that point I referred to her as Mrs. Lastname. She told me I could call her mom or use her first name. I went with what I was more comfortable with. My H also calls my parents by their first names. He works with my dad so it would be awkward for him to use anything else.

When writing cards or giving gifts I write Mom or Dad + last initial for both sets of parents since cards and gifts are from both my H and me.

[Ashley&Scott]

I call them by their first names, DH does the same for my parents.

[lurkergirl123]

I call my MIL by her first name. To her face. Behind her back I generally call her something less flattering.

[Deleted]

May 22, 2012 11:43:07 GMT -5 lurkergirl123 said:

I call my MIL by her first name. To her face. Behind her back I generally call her something less flattering.

LOL

[Deleted]

Nothing. In 12 years, I've never had to address my father-in-law.

No joke.

[Deleted]

May 22, 2012 11:50:53 GMT -5 @misoangry said:

Nothing. In 12 years, I've never had to address my father-in-law.

No joke.

now that is impressive.

[dancingirl21]

I try to avoid calling them anything. My SIL calls them "Mom and Dad", which I just cannot get behind. It's weird. But when they sign cards or emails to me, they do write "Mom & Dad".

My DH calls my family - FIL (pronounced Phil), MIL (pronounced just that way), BIL (Bill), SIL. He thinks it's hilarious and so do they. My dad's name is Steve but it's pretty funny to hear DH say FIL.

[madladybride]

First names for all 4 of them.

In your case, I would call them by Mr. or Mrs. last name and that is what I did until MIL/FIL/SFIL, and SMIL corrected me.

[Deleted]

May 22, 2012 11:50:53 GMT -5 @misoangry said:

Nothing. In 12 years, I've never had to address my father-in-law.

No joke.

Is it because you are distant, don't have a good relationship, or because you just never had to address him?

H and I call our ILs mom and dad. It's the norm in our culture.