or your SO's parents for those who may not be married?
if you are married, do you now address your in-laws differently than you did before the wedding?
this poll is prompted by my conversation with SO. after over three years of dating and four years of knowing his parents, I have effectively managed to never directly address them because I don't know wtf to call them. even SO is at a loss. we both agree that his mom probably wouldn't be okay with me calling her by her first name - she refers to her in-laws as mom/dad.
I call them by their first names or their grandparents names if I'm talking to the kids. I would never call them mom and dad because they aren't my parents.
My husband and I have been married 9 years and we have both completely avoided calling the in-laws anything specific. Aren't we terrible. We discuss this, because my parents aren't mom and dad to him and he just can't call them by their first names.
Post by hainesherway on May 22, 2012 10:35:29 GMT -5
My XMIL insisted that I call her "Mrs. Lastname" until we got married, which then she insisted I called her "mom". In their culture, calling someone older than you by their first name is considered very disrespectful.
I am confused about what other options were available to me as I never considered anything else.
I would probably go with Mr. and Mrs. Last Name. But I don't want to offend her if she expects me to call her mom (like she does with her MIL).* All I know is that First Name would probably be the most offensive to her, so I avoid it. SO agrees with me on that last point.
*We are not married, but we have lived together for almost two years now, and his mom includes me in every card, invitation, etc. she sends. She also gives me gifts for every holiday and spends the same on me as she does SO/her other children. Recently, she has been making comments about how she knows our wedding will be soon (it won't be, LOL).
Post by MrsManners on May 22, 2012 10:36:57 GMT -5
I called them by their first names until we had a kid. Now I call them what he calls them (poppa, Gmom, nana). Hell will freeze over before I call someone other than my parents mom or dad.
I try to avoid addressing my MIL. When I talk about her, I either refer to her as "H's mom", "your mom", "my MIL", or her first name. If I have to talk to her directly, I just wait until I catch her attention. I feel so awkward calling her "mom". I tried, it felt weird. Maybe eventually I will get used to it.
It's not like my husband calls my parents mom/dad. He avoids addressing them as well.
If you do find a way (or your DH) to broach the topic w/ them, if his mom says "cal lme mom!" - if YOU don't want to do that, you can say no. you can say "oh, that's so sweet. But I honestly would feel odd calling anyone but my mom "mom". I'd be more comfortable with your first name or (whatever options you'd be cool with".
If she's one of those kind of people who gets pissy and says "It's mom or nothing", then if I HAD to address her, I'd just call her "Mrs. last name". If she won't compromise, just be ultra formal!
I am confused about what other options were available to me as I never considered anything else.
I would probably go with Mr. and Mrs. Last Name. But I don't want to offend her if she expects me to call her mom (like she does with her MIL).* All I know is that First Name would probably be the most offensive to her, so I avoid it. SO agrees with me on that last point.
*We are not married, but we have lived together for almost two years now, and his mom includes me in every card, invitation, etc. she sends. She also gives me gifts for every holiday and spends the same on me as she does SO/her other children. Recently, she has been making comments about how she knows our wedding will be soon (it won't be, LOL).
Is this a conversation your husband could have with his mom without too much awkwardness? Is there a way to ask what she prefers to be called without offending her? If not, I would probably stick with Mrs. Lastname.
I will never understand why people avoid this conversation. I made a point to ask MIL the first time I met her. She said she was fine with her first name. DH calls my parents by their first names. If anyone had said, "Call me Mom/Dad", I would have politely told them I preferred their first name.
I have recently noticed that sometimes when I refer to them, I try out "Mom" and "Dad"...as in "Hey BIL, do you know when Mom & Dad are getting here?" but don't think I would ever say it to them directly.
I also kind of avoid addressing my in laws at all. If I had to, I guess right now I would call them Mr. and Mrs. X. I don't really feel comfortable calling them by their first names right now because we don't have a good relationship at all. Maybe someday, but I will never call them mom and dad. Absolutely not. H sometimes calls my parents by their first names, but he rarely addresses them.
I call them by their first names. On my wedding day, MIL came up to me and told her I could call her "mom" now. I still can't and I think she is offended. DH calls my parents mom and dad. Oddly I do call his grandparents Grandma and Grandpa. This may because I don't have any grandparents left.
First names-same as before we were married. They are NOT my parents, so I will never call them mom and dad. If I am talking about them, I usually say H's mom or H's dad.
neither SO nor myself are comfortable bringing it up, lol.
we both agree that his dad would probably prefer First Name, but his mom is the one throwing a wrench in this. I will probably just continue to avoid addressing her for now. I will wait until a life change like an engagement/wedding to have SO ask her what she would like to be called "now" ha.