Uhhh, that was awkward-updated!

[achase123]

So coffee date dude for Thursday and I just had an awkward text exchange. He said "so why are you still single, you're a hot blonde". I totally knew he meant it as a compliment but I said something like "oh to be fair I do hate that question, but I totally get what you meant, like "you're a catch, so why are you still single".

He got all defensive and kept apologizing and I was like "oh NO, it's fine, it's fine!!!" I tried to explain myself and he was like "well, best of luck to you, A, I don't think we'll be a very good match". I was like "what, I'm confused?!"

He ended up saying he hates fighting and confrontation. I was like, no I'm not mad at all. He was like "ohhhh, ok, sorry for the confusion". But now I feel strange. That seemed like a very weird reaction to go from a stream of texts to "best of luck to you". It was odd.

Now I'm wondering if I should even bother with a date!

ETA-he texted to say Thursday won't work out after all due to him having his son and asked about this weekend. I just said I was, unfortunately, busy this weekend (which is true) and left it at that.

[formerlyak]

I think your reaction was probably a turn off and confused him, which is easy to do over text. I totally get your thought process, but if that was the first odd thing he'd said and you were otherwise excited, I don't think I'd have responded that way. A simple, "I'll take that as a compliment, so thanks." would have been fine -- he would get the point about it being an odd question by the response without it being confrontational ("I do hate that question"). KWIM?

[Deleted]

For the record I totally hate that question too, but I think guys generally think they are making a compliment of it. I think this is a case of reasons not to have text conversations before meeting in person. You just don't have any sense of the person's tone/personality.

[starburst604]

I hate that question and if someone is dumb enough to ask it I wouldn't care if I hurt their little feelers. Shrug.

[lizzie415]

Oct 30, 2012 19:10:03 GMT -5 @tjenbell said:

I've had some awkward text exchanges. I'd just respond, "Let's chalk this one up to text awkwardness and move on! "

Not currently in the dating world, but I would let this one go too. Anyone who is going to say something like "good luck to you" during a weird exchange and then flip - would not rate high on my let's meet up list.

[formerlyknownasefl]

Oct 30, 2012 19:24:30 GMT -5 lizzie415 said:

Oct 30, 2012 19:10:03 GMT -5 @tjenbell said:

I've had some awkward text exchanges. I'd just respond, "Let's chalk this one up to text awkwardness and move on! "

Not currently in the dating world, but I would let this one go too. Anyone who is going to say something like "good luck to you" during a weird exchange and then flip - would not rate high on my let's meet up list.

This. I think it's odd he got so defensive....especially when it was through text and can easily be misunderstood...I dunno you may have dodged a real winner here lol.

[stephbfan]

Achase, you know I love you but your response was not good at all. I guess he just thought that since he gave you a compliment and took it in a bad way, then you might be the type who picks a fight.

Just say it was a misunderstanding and go ahead and meet the guy unless there are other reasons not to.

[achase123]

Oct 30, 2012 19:01:28 GMT -5 formerlyak said:

I think your reaction was probably a turn off and confused him, which is easy to do over text. I totally get your thought process, but if that was the first odd thing he'd said and you were otherwise excited, I don't think I'd have responded that way. A simple, "I'll take that as a compliment, so thanks." would have been fine -- he would get the point about it being an odd question by the response without it being confrontational ("I do hate that question"). KWIM?

I just think it was odd that I was trying to explain myself and he was like "well, good luck to you, A" and then he said "I'm going to let this one go, I don't think we're a good match". I was scrambling to defend myself and he ignored my texts for awhile until i really went overboard saying I was sorry and I didn't mean it like that at all.

I totally acknowledge that I went about it wrong and for that I feel dumb. I just think that his reaction was very odd. He said that he hates "confrontation" and he said "maybe on my list of red flags should be someone with a temper who yells at me". Obviously he was referring to me.

::sighs:: It just seemed odd, that's all. I totally get that text can get misconstrued, it was his reaction that threw me for a loop.

[Deleted]

Oct 30, 2012 20:30:52 GMT -5 achase123 said:

I totally acknowledge that I went about it wrong and for that I feel dumb. I just think that his reaction was very odd. He said that he hates "confrontation" and he said "maybe on my list of red flags should be someone with a temper who yells at me". Obviously he was referring to me.

::sighs:: It just seemed odd, that's all. I totally get that text can get misconstrued, it was his reaction that threw me for a loop.

Hmm...I'd have to see the whole text conversation to fully judge but I'm wondering if you didn't come off as more hostile then you think? Like for instance, I initially read this text (oh NO, it's fine, it's fine!!!) as pretty aggressive and angry. Maybe he felt like you were jumping on him more than you realize?

I don't think his response to quit communicating with you is all that odd as I think he really did misunderstand. However his red flag comment gets some side eye from me.

[achase123]

Oct 30, 2012 20:40:46 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

Oct 30, 2012 20:30:52 GMT -5 achase123 said:

I totally acknowledge that I went about it wrong and for that I feel dumb. I just think that his reaction was very odd. He said that he hates "confrontation" and he said "maybe on my list of red flags should be someone with a temper who yells at me". Obviously he was referring to me.

::sighs:: It just seemed odd, that's all. I totally get that text can get misconstrued, it was his reaction that threw me for a loop.

Hmm...I'd have to see the whole text conversation to fully judge but I'm wondering if you didn't come off as more hostile then you think? Like for instance, I initially read this text (oh NO, it's fine, it's fine!!!) as pretty aggressive and angry. Maybe he felt like you were jumping on him more than you realize?

I don't think his response to quit communicating with you is all that odd as I think he really did misunderstand. However his red flag comment gets some side eye from me.

Yah, when I looked back it was actually me reversing the question on him (after I'd already answered it) I said "so why are YOU still single, how do you like them apples-lol". Then I said "well, to be fair, I hate that question...." and then we all know where it went from there.

Long story short, it's a silly coffee date. I'll meet him and it'll either go well or it won't. It's 40 minutes out of my life. There's no need to worry about it any more.

[gozf]

Ooh! Ooh!!! If the date goes poorly, can you make a scene and yell at him and maybe throw creamer in his face?

This is what I'd fantasize about. A nice, dramatic exit!

If he sucks, you should show him what yelling really is!!!!!

[achase123]

Oct 30, 2012 21:50:36 GMT -5 gozf said:

Ooh! Ooh!!! If the date goes poorly, can you make a scene and yell at him and maybe throw creamer in his face?

This is what I'd fantasize about. A nice, dramatic exit!

If he sucks, you should show him what yelling really is!!!!!

Perfect, real yelling, as opposed to "yelling" via text!

[blackkitty]

Communicating via text leaves too much room for misunderstanding for me. I prefer talking on the phone especially very early on. Sorry you had a bad experience!

[jm5855]

He is overly sensitive and gives up easily...if you are attracted to those qualities then I suggest you still meet him.

[achase123]

Oct 31, 2012 10:17:12 GMT -5 jm5855 said:

He is overly sensitive and gives up easily...if you are attracted to those qualities then I suggest you still meet him.

Hahaha!!! I actually agree with you completely.

[stephbfan]

Oct 30, 2012 20:49:23 GMT -5 achase123 said:

Oct 30, 2012 20:40:46 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

Hmm...I'd have to see the whole text conversation to fully judge but I'm wondering if you didn't come off as more hostile then you think? Like for instance, I initially read this text (oh NO, it's fine, it's fine!!!) as pretty aggressive and angry. Maybe he felt like you were jumping on him more than you realize?

I don't think his response to quit communicating with you is all that odd as I think he really did misunderstand. However his red flag comment gets some side eye from me.

Yah, when I looked back it was actually me reversing the question on him (after I'd already answered it) I said "so why are YOU still single, how do you like them apples-lol". Then I said "well, to be fair, I hate that question...." and then we all know where it went from there.

Long story short, it's a silly coffee date. I'll meet him and it'll either go well or it won't. It's 40 minutes out of my life. There's no need to worry about it any more.

Seeing the whole conversation changed my mind. I see how it could be misinterpreted but I do think he was being way too sensitive.

I do tend to write people off very easy at first, so give him the chance but be in the lookout for red flags.

[achase123]

Oct 31, 2012 10:25:13 GMT -5 stephbfan said:

Oct 30, 2012 20:49:23 GMT -5 achase123 said:

Yah, when I looked back it was actually me reversing the question on him (after I'd already answered it) I said "so why are YOU still single, how do you like them apples-lol". Then I said "well, to be fair, I hate that question...." and then we all know where it went from there.

Long story short, it's a silly coffee date. I'll meet him and it'll either go well or it won't. It's 40 minutes out of my life. There's no need to worry about it any more.

Seeing the whole conversation changed my mind. I see how it could be misinterpreted but I do think he was being way too sensitive.

I do tend to write people off very easy at first, so give him the chance but be in the lookout for red flags.

Yah, it was hard to convey actually how it all went down because I posted in a hurry and then left work for the day.

The whole thing was just odd because we'd literally been texting ALL day long (I know, it's best to meet first so I shouldn't have even been doing that). He'd said plenty of things I could've taken offense to already but I am a big joker and I don't get easily worked up (example, I said I had long hair and he said that could come in handy for certain things). I'm not easily offended so I rolled with it.

So I felt like he had somewhat of an idea of how low key I am based on lack of reaction to those things, and then all of the sudden he thinks I'm upset, reacts by getting pissy and says "well, take care and have a nice life" without even asking me to clarify. AND I was trying to clarify. I kept saying "no, you don't understand, text messaging is so hard because there's no context, I shouldn't have written that, I didn't mean it the way you took it at all, etc".

Possibly too much work for someone I haven't even met yet! I just think I'm going to go with my gut here and see how I feel today and tomorrow.

[baa1981]

Have you texted him since then? How is the convo going?

[achase123]

Oct 31, 2012 10:33:43 GMT -5 baa1981 said:

Have you texted him since then? How is the convo going?

A little last night after we cleared things up. I haven't heard from him since about 6:30 last night. Honestly, if I don't hear from him again I'm perfectly fine with that.

[starburst604]

Oct 31, 2012 10:23:58 GMT -5 achase123 said:

Oct 31, 2012 10:17:12 GMT -5 jm5855 said:

He is overly sensitive and gives up easily...if you are attracted to those qualities then I suggest you still meet him.

Hahaha!!! I actually agree with you completely.

So do I!!

[achase123]

Oct 31, 2012 10:35:12 GMT -5 starburst604 said:

Oct 31, 2012 10:23:58 GMT -5 achase123 said:

Hahaha!!! I actually agree with you completely.

So do I!!

I like your no BS attitude, Starburst. It's generally how I operate too.

[jojoandleo]

Oct 31, 2012 10:23:58 GMT -5 achase123 said:

Oct 31, 2012 10:17:12 GMT -5 jm5855 said:

He is overly sensitive and gives up easily...if you are attracted to those qualities then I suggest you still meet him.

Hahaha!!! I actually agree with you completely.

I am here. he could have misinterpreted what you said, but his reaction of "peace out-RED FLAGS!" is crazy. HIS reaction is a red flag to me.

[wrathofkuus]

I'm cringing at absolutely everything he said, from the implication that being single means there must be some problem with you, to the added shallow implication that "hot blondes" are items first taken off the market by consumers. I think he let you know more about himself than he intended there, and you aren't missing out on anything.

[emma245]

Oct 30, 2012 18:55:29 GMT -5 achase123 said:

So coffee date dude for Thursday and I just had an awkward text exchange. He said "so why are you still single, you're a hot blonde". I totally knew he meant it as a compliment but I said something like "oh to be fair I do hate that question, but I totally get what you meant, like "you're a catch, so why are you still single".

He got all defensive and kept apologizing and I was like "oh NO, it's fine, it's fine!!!" I tried to explain myself and he was like "well, best of luck to you, A, I don't think we'll be a very good match". I was like "what, I'm confused?!"

He ended up saying he hates fighting and confrontation. I was like, no I'm not mad at all. He was like "ohhhh, ok, sorry for the confusion". But now I feel strange. That seemed like a very weird reaction to go from a stream of texts to "best of luck to you". It was odd.

Now I'm wondering if I should even bother with a date!

ETA-he texted to say Thursday won't work out after all due to him having his son and asked about this weekend. I just said I was, unfortunately, busy this weekend (which is true) and left it at that.

That would annoy me too. What the f is he talking about? And I would be annoyed he asked me that to begin with. I say NEXT!

[achase123]

Yup, it all worked out for the best. Honestly, I wasn't too excited about a coffee date that late in the day anyways. By that time after a long day of work I'm ready for wine

[ECB]

While your response to him was odd, at the same time, his response was even odder. That he felt you all were "fighting" seems extreme, and that he literally said "best of luck to you" because he hates fighting and confrontation.

Well- who LIKES it? If this was a fight... cripes, they happen sometimes! This just reads to me that you can't ever express a difference of opinion w/ him w/o him taking it wrong.