Thinking unhealthy thoughts about career

[stretchad]

Here's the background on me for some context. Graduated from undergad a long time ago. Thought I wanted to work in marketing for big companies so I went back to get my MBA graduating in '08. Went to work at that point doing the job that I (thought I) wanted immediately and have been in that particular industry/function/company type since then.

I've had periods over the last several years where I've come to question whether or not i am in in the right career path/field. I have learned that I don't like stressful situations (losing millions of dollars, hitting make or break deadlines). I don't like lots of ambiguity or politics in an organization. I don't like always having to prove that I WANT to be a director or a VP eventually (I don't want to be those things). Frankly I'm happy kind of being a nobody, who sorta clocks in at 8 and leaves at 5. But at the same time I don't want to be BORED out of my mind, like I was before I decided to go to b-school.

I just started a new job & company about 3 weeks ago and all these thoughts are now re-surfacing. I'm having serious doubts about this major move I just made across the country. I'm having thoughts like "wow, I wish I could retire" (I'm 31!) or, some days I wish I could just be a postal worker or something where I don't have the stress, and all the hours and hours of work. There are days when I think about talking to my husband about seriously cutting back our dependence on my income so I could do something less high powered.

Questions are:
Anyone else go through this and what did you do?
Should I think about finding something new?
Any words of advice?

[StJess80]

I am kind of going through this right now. I am a couple of months away from graduation (BA), and the plan has always been to get my MLS (masters in library science). However, I have 2 coworkers that recently got their MLS and cannot find a job. One has been actively looking for 2 years. The market for librarians in this area blows, and I don't want to relocate.

I work for a university, and I have the option to pursue a masters there. (They don't offer an MLS as an option) So, I've been looking at the programs, and the one that sticks out to me is Negotiation and Dispute Resolution. But, what would I do with that? It's a newer degree, so there isn't a lot of info on the job market right now, but it would be free. So it has me thinking...do I want to invest (or blow) $25k on a masters degree that might not pay off, or get into something different? I could always get my MLS later if the market improves.

I doubt this was any help, however. But I am interested in the responses.

[y4m]

I don't think you can really judge a new job after 3 weeks...are you sure that's not just new job nerves/stress talking?

I totally get the high-powered versus being bored dilemma, and have struggled with finding a happy medium. But on the flip side of your new job, I convinced myself to accept a very 9-4:30 job, with very 9-4:30 colleagues and then backed out when a more high-powered opportunity came along. 9-4:30 just isn't who I am and I have to accept that--I don't regret backing out of that job at all.

[joenali]

I'm pretty sure postal workers have a lot of stress as well. I think all jobs come with stress it's just perhaps felt in a different way about different things. I've been a stressed out mess at work the past couple of days because we have started fall evaluations. It's just a stressful time for everyone, evaluators included. I know I'm stressed because I want to do well, and sometimes when I'm in the classroom I don't feel like I'm doing what I need to do, yet I work my ass off every day.

I know there are good and bad days at every job, that's why it's called a job. Do I think you should be enjoying what you do, yes, of course. But in the overall grand scheme of things some days at work can just blow donkey balls!

ETA: Welcome to the gloom that is fall and winter around here. Since our days are getting shorter you could be feeling a little SAD (seasonal affective Disorder). It gets a little depressing around here during fall and winter... it blows.

[mx27]

i'm in the same boat.

i'm trying to give myself 2 years in my current job, and then i intend to switch to a career/job that still utilizes my degree and experience, but requires less responsibility and stress (it will pay much less, but i don't care!).

life is too short. if you're truly unhappy, design an exit strategy.

good luck!

[mmmomof2]

Is this a grass is greener thing? If you have student loans I would probably stick it out a little longer.

[BNL2]

At least one day a week I spend part of my work day researching other careers and degrees. I'm just not happy with the stress and low pay that comes with my job. At the same time, I realize that the only things I can see myself happily doing are similar to what I do now, then I think I should just stick it out. I probably won't be able to remain in education until retirement but I keep telling myself it's worth it to stay until I can figure out what I really want to do. Right now, I just want out. I don't feel that's a good starting point for planning a future so I push through.

[stretchad]

Oct 30, 2012 20:51:16 GMT -5 mmmomof2 said:

Is this a grass is greener thing? If you have student loans I would probably stick it out a little longer.

I am not sure I even know where the other side is

I do have student loans but they're tiny now because I had been aggressively paying them down. However, the job that I just started did move me here and I have at least 2 years of a commitment to them before I can think about leaving (or at least, pay them back a prorated portion of it). I can possibly stay in the same company and move to another position though.

[krystee]

Have you thought about marketing for a nonprofit or association? I know marketing is still very visible/busy at my organization, but it's nothing like it was at the Fortune 50 company where I used to work.

[joenali]

Oct 30, 2012 20:59:02 GMT -5 stretchad said:

Oct 30, 2012 20:51:16 GMT -5 mmmomof2 said:

Is this a grass is greener thing? If you have student loans I would probably stick it out a little longer.

I am not sure I even know where the other side is

I do have student loans but they're tiny now because I had been aggressively paying them down. However, the job that I just started did move me here and I have at least 2 years of a commitment to them before I can think about leaving (or at least, pay them back a prorated portion of it). I can possibly stay in the same company and move to another position though.

We need to have a GTG here!

[stretchad]

Oct 30, 2012 20:43:38 GMT -5 joenali said:

I'm pretty sure postal workers have a lot of stress as well. I think all jobs come with stress it's just perhaps felt in a different way about different things. I've been a stressed out mess at work the past couple of days because we have started fall evaluations. It's just a stressful time for everyone, evaluators included. I know I'm stressed because I want to do well, and sometimes when I'm in the classroom I don't feel like I'm doing what I need to do, yet I work my ass off every day.

I know there are good and bad days at every job, that's why it's called a job. Do I think you should be enjoying what you do, yes, of course. But in the overall grand scheme of things some days at work can just blow donkey balls!

ETA: Welcome to the gloom that is fall and winter around here. Since our days are getting shorter you could be feeling a little SAD (seasonal affective Disorder). It gets a little depressing around here during fall and winter... it blows.

Yeah good point. I mean whenever I think about "Oh I could go do that" or whatever, I realize that they have stressful points as well. Right now I just feel a constant anxiousness, and stress in the pit of my stomach. And I'm sure some of it is just ramping up on the new job and whatnot so I'm thinking I should still stick it out for at least several months before making drastic changes...

Speaking of the SAD thing though, how do you deal with it? I don't think that's quite what's going on, but probably better to nip it in the bud before it starts, right?!

[joenali]

Oct 30, 2012 21:01:48 GMT -5 stretchad said:

Oct 30, 2012 20:43:38 GMT -5 joenali said:

I'm pretty sure postal workers have a lot of stress as well. I think all jobs come with stress it's just perhaps felt in a different way about different things. I've been a stressed out mess at work the past couple of days because we have started fall evaluations. It's just a stressful time for everyone, evaluators included. I know I'm stressed because I want to do well, and sometimes when I'm in the classroom I don't feel like I'm doing what I need to do, yet I work my ass off every day.

I know there are good and bad days at every job, that's why it's called a job. Do I think you should be enjoying what you do, yes, of course. But in the overall grand scheme of things some days at work can just blow donkey balls!

ETA: Welcome to the gloom that is fall and winter around here. Since our days are getting shorter you could be feeling a little SAD (seasonal affective Disorder). It gets a little depressing around here during fall and winter... it blows.

Yeah good point. I mean whenever I think about "Oh I could go do that" or whatever, I realize that they have stressful points as well. Right now I just feel a constant anxiousness, and stress in the pit of my stomach. And I'm sure some of it is just ramping up on the new job and whatnot so I'm thinking I should still stick it out for at least several months before making drastic changes...

Speaking of the SAD thing though, how do you deal with it? I don't think that's quite what's going on, but probably better to nip it in the bud before it starts, right?!

Exercise! And trying to get on the days that are nice.

[gardengal]

So, I went to grad school & left uncertain whether my career choice was right but figured maybe I was sick of being in school & would like it more "practicing." Things did not improve. I went do a different, lower pressure situation (but same job function) and I still loathed waking up every morning for work. I was miserable, I was making my SO miserable.

He suggested I engage in something else. I had a budding interest in gardening & started volunteering in places related to that. I loved it. I explore the field's options, went back to school part-time & now am really happy with my career. It's lower paying & stressful in different ways, but I'm happy I took the risk.

If you're under contract for 2 years, then use those 2 years to assess what you like to do (and don't like to do) and explore your options. I really think that some people are OK with a job that they clock in/out of because they find fulfillment elsewhere. Other people aren't OK with an unfulfilling job. It's just how you're wired.

[ellipses84]

I can completely relate. I left my traditional career path a few years ago for a great opportunity but I am in a high stress job now. I definitely dream of working a low stress 9-5 hourly job, or more likely, going back to my old career with a 1/3rd pay cut.

I don't think anyone loves all parts of their job all of the time. A good employer can make a stressful job more bearable and a bad employer can make a great job miserable. There are definitely pros and cons to every position and office politics everywhere, with no guarantees things won't change in an instant.

Give your job more time, but save $$ and think about a plan B. There may be a different position you can use your experience for that is perfect for you.

[insominac]

Even though I just got home from work at 10:31 and want nothing more to get into the shower, turn on Sons of Anarchy, and go to sleep so I can do the whole shitty process tomorrow, I wanted to login so I can give you a hearty ditto.

This is a really busy time at work and i feel like I'm barely holding on. I'm jealous of the woman who cleans my office - if I could speak Spanish I'd try and find out what her hourly wage is and if she gets benefits. :/ I too have thought about joining the postal service lol. I'd get plenty of exercise and I'd get to check out houses. Other options are working at a specialty food store or being a receptionist.

I not only wish I could retire, a few weeks ago while making a right turn caught myself fantasizing about getting t-boned by an oncoming car. At the very least I'd have a week or so in a hospital bed. (sigh) Today I came very close to just walking home. For good. They could mail me my wallet and keys or just throw them in the trash. I could give a fuck. lol

But let me answer your questions.

Have I gone through this? Yes.
What did I do? Bitch, barely eat, and be miserable
I'm thinking about finding something new, but can't begin to really think about it until I have some breathing room.

I hope things get better for both us really soon!

[holly116]

I agree with a lot of what joenali has said earlier in the thread. While I don't think you should stay in a miserable situation, every job is going to have its drawbacks, that's why they have to pay someone to do it.

I have to think a lot of stress and how we deal with it is built into how we're wired. When I was working, I traveled a ton, had unachievable production goals set for me, and generally disliked the group I was working with. It sucked. Now that I'm taking a few years off to be at home with my kids, I feel some of that same stress over silly household deadlines that I've imposed on myself. No really, I give the laundry the power to eat at me like I had with my quarterly reviews. It's who I am.

[Deleted]

I think my answer really would depend on the kind of money you need/want to make. There are tons of people at my company who have low stress jobs where you work your 7.5 hours a day and go home. The last year or two has been a bit stressful for everyone due to a lot of organizational change, but I still think most people have a decent work/life balance. Even I feel like I have a pretty awesome job most days because it is busy enough to make the time fly by but not so busy that I'm stressed out all day, and deadlines are not usually hard so if something doesn't get done it can usually wait until the next day. No one in my office works 12+ hour days, for instance.

However, most people I'm describing above probably will never make big money. I make just over 50k a year and there is not a ton of potential to make much more than that unless I move into a higher position. I don't know what directors make but I'm guessing the newer ones make less than 100k and there are no bonuses. I don't know what kind of money you make now but I know many people in "business" with the long hours and stressful jobs make tons more than anyone at my company ever will (with a few exceptions for those at the top, I guess).

So.... if you don't like the lifestyle of your job, figure out if you can stomach making 50k a year for a less stressful job. It seems you can't have big money and an easy job in many cases, so you have to determine which is more important to you (ignore that advice if you don't make good money anyway - and, get a new job because what you describe wouldn't be worth it unless there is good money involved!)

[Deleted]

Does your work offer an EAP? If so call them and ask if they can make an appointment with a career counsellor. I did this once and it was really helpful in determining what I liked and didn't and what may be a good fit. Once you have a plan two years may not seem so bad because you know there will be a reward at the end. Or maybe you can work on transistioning within your company to a different kind of role.

The job I landed in has a lot of stress but it's different kind of stress from my previous role and because I like it the stress doesn't have a bad effect on me.