Single guy habits

[Deleted]

So there are people that never outgrow partying and there are people that kinda party when they're single, but settle down more when in a relationship. (By party I mean, going out to bars or clubs and drinking.) how to tell the difference?? Not always easy.

How it relates to me: work dude. Most of you know the backstory (respectful guy, couple of dates, no kiss). He is a huge sports fan, likes to hang at sports bars etc have drinks with the boys pretty often. Obviously, I've never been "out" with him in that environment. Made plans for the weekend, he said he doesn't want to go out..wants to come by me for dinner and movie (#2). Too early to judge, but IF this were to turn into a dating relationship I can't deal with a guy that's *always* out drinking with the boys. In his case it may just be the boredom of being single. What do you think?

[gozf]

I think there's no way of knowing, and you should relax and see where this goes.

[gozf]

Also, we're just talking beer and sports, right? Not hookers and blow?

I've been a barfly a few different times in my life, and it does serve a purpose, especially when single. I wouldn't resent my partner for maintaining friendships and a social life, provided I still felt we had an adequate amount of couple time.

[turtle1120]

I agree with GOZ. It's too soon for you to know just yet. Get to know him and have fun. Eventually you'll figure out if you're comfortable with the amount of time he spends in bars.

[jojoandleo]

Oct 30, 2012 21:39:50 GMT -5 gozf said:

Also, we're just talking beer and sports, right? Not hookers and blow?

I've been a barfly a few different times in my life, and it does serve a purpose, especially when single. I wouldn't resent my partner for maintaining friendships and a social life, provided I still felt we had an adequate amount of couple time.

Yeah, I am a little confused how "beers and sport with the guys" translates into "PARTY DUDE!" I think it is perfectly acceptable for him to go out ad watch sports with his friends. This does not mean he is doing Tequila shots off a waitress. I still hang out and have wine nights and girly movies with my girlfriends. I didn't know I was supposed to "settle down" and stop that when I got into a relationship?

What exactly seems "party" about this to you? The fact that they go to a bar? Would you feel different if they went to each other's houses for sports and beers?

[Deleted]

No, no hookers or drugs...I get what you're saying about "party", but I just get that vibe because he frequently makes weekend trips out of state to hang with friends, tailgate and get shit faced. He recently described sitting in a bathroom stall at a bar for an hour with his head in his hand waiting to vomit. Guess I should have been clearer. By all means, I enjoy drinks with the girls and no, that doesn't stop during a relationship. But I have to say, my girls and I are MUCH tamer these days. When we were in our 20's, every weekend we were out drinking/dancing at bars/clubs and galavanting all over NYC. I'm long past my days of drinking till i get shit faced and puking down my tube top...been there, done that, got the tshirt. NOW, dinner and wine or a few cocktails at a local bar or wine at someone's house are more our speed.

[jojoandleo]

Okay, Yeah, that's different. I used to be like that in my early-mid twenties, and I still drink like that once in a while, but if it is an every week kind of thing, I dunno. I'd just see slow down and see what happens. He may just be telling you what he thinks are funny stories, which may make it seem like he gets shit faced more often than he really does.

[Deleted]

Oct 30, 2012 22:28:57 GMT -5 jojoandleo said:

Okay, Yeah, that's different. I used to be like that in my early-mid twenties, and I still drink like that once in a while, but if it is an every week kind of thing, I dunno. I'd just see slow down and see what happens. He may just be telling you what he thinks are funny stories, which may make it seem like he gets shit faced more often than he really does.

Yeah, you're right. I guess I'm just thinking cautiously, in case this ever turns into 'real' dating. Ehh..time will tell.

[roselis]

I agree that its hard to say. I mean right now, I'm out and about a lot because I am single. I hang out with my friends and go places I couldn't go when I was married. That will change when I get into a relationship for sure.

[starburst604]

Oct 30, 2012 22:05:22 GMT -5 @blueyes623 said:

No, no hookers or drugs...I get what you're saying about "party", but I just get that vibe because he frequently makes weekend trips out of state to hang with friends, tailgate and get shit faced. He recently described sitting in a bathroom stall at a bar for an hour with his head in his hand waiting to vomit. Guess I should have been clearer. By all means, I enjoy drinks with the girls and no, that doesn't stop during a relationship. But I have to say, my girls and I are MUCH tamer these days. When we were in our 20's, every weekend we were out drinking/dancing at bars/clubs and galavanting all over NYC. I'm long past my days of drinking till i get shit faced and puking down my tube top...been there, done that, got the tshirt. NOW, dinner and wine or a few cocktails at a local bar or wine at someone's house are more our speed.

Has he been single a long time? I ask because my bf was single 3 years before we met. He had gotten into the habit of hanging with 20 somethings (we are 37) and partying like you describe this guy doing. I won't lie, it became an issue in our relationship. He did finally come to the realization that single or attached, he needed to grow up and change his habits, but it took him almost losing me for good to make it happen. I'm glad we worked through it and very happy with where we are now, but I wish he had toned it down before we met. This guy could very well tone it down on his own but I don't blame you for thinking it's over the top. At a certain age, it is.

[Deleted]

[/quote]
Has he been single a long time? I ask because my bf was single 3 years before we met. He had gotten into the habit of hanging with 20 somethings (we are 37) and partying like you describe this guy doing. I won't lie, it became an issue in our relationship. He did finally come to the realization that single or attached, he needed to grow up and change his habits, but it took him almost losing me for good to make it happen. I'm glad we worked through it and very happy with where we are now, but I wish he had toned it down before we met. This guy could very well tone it down on his own but I don't blame you for thinking it's over the top. At a certain age, it is. [/quote]
Glad (and sorry) you can relate. He is 35, I'm 30. From what I understand, he's been single about a year, but I'm pretty sure that last relationship was short lived and not very serious. At age 35, I think it's time to straighten up and this could potentially be a deal breaker. But I'm not there just yet...not romantically dating at this point.

[stephbfan]

I have a friend who was 38 and was still partying it up and acted like a teenager. When he got a GF (now FI) he toned it down and he still goes out from time to time but nothing like before.

So just wait and see, I guess?

[wrathofkuus]

I am raising an eyebrow at this guy trying to make a good impression on a new love interest by telling her dry heave stories.

[achase123]

Oct 31, 2012 9:45:18 GMT -5 wrathofkuus said:

I am raising an eyebrow at this guy trying to make a good impression on a new love interest by telling her dry heave stories.

This. We've all had our crazy times, I know I'm no exception, I just think that it's a bit immature to mention these stories in that way. It's probably not going to leave the best impression with someone that is in the beginning stages of the dating process with him.

[Deleted]

Oct 31, 2012 10:25:40 GMT -5 achase123 said:

Oct 31, 2012 9:45:18 GMT -5 wrathofkuus said:

I am raising an eyebrow at this guy trying to make a good impression on a new love interest by telling her dry heave stories.

This. We've all had our crazy times, I know I'm no exception, I just think that it's a bit immature to mention these stories in that way. It's probably not going to leave the best impression with someone that is in the beginning stages of the dating process with him.

Yes, all of this. We'll see...this may be a totally unnecessary concern because 1. We may not end up involved or 2. He may just be acting like a moron because he's single. BUT in the event that we do get involved, I don't want to have ignored warning signs!