How do you make friends???

[Deleted]

We have been in DC for two years and I haven't really made any friends. I have girls that I go to lunch with sometimes, but unless I am at work, I don't have anyone to talk to besides H. I have plenty of friends back home, but I am having a hard time here for some reason.

H was military so I made friends when we moved, mostly other military couples that we got along with, but eventually everyone moves on. I am just starting to get lonely. It was bad during the hurricane, when h's phone was blowing up from his friends he works with checking in on him. No one checked in on me and I totally had a pity party.

How do you make friends outside of work? I'm shy, but I need to do something. I fill my spare time with hobbies instead of meeting people because that scares me. Any advice??

[Deleted]

Find hobbies that involve other people being in close proximity--exercise classes are an easy one. I've met a lot of people playing in local poker and trivia leagues. I've also made friends at a local karaoke night.

Also, just gather the courage and ask your coworkers to do things outside of work. I ask 2-3 times and if I don't get a yes, I give up without any hard feelings.

[Deleted]

Oct 31, 2012 9:03:25 GMT -5 @kcpokergal said:

Find hobbies that involve other people being in close proximity--exercise classes are an easy one. I've met a lot of people playing in local poker and trivia leagues. I've also made friends at a local karaoke night.

Also, just gather the courage and ask your coworkers to do things outside of work. I ask 2-3 times and if I don't get a yes, I give up without any hard feelings.

I just have always had someone to go with as my "wingman" to introduce me to their groups and then I find people I like. I've never had to go alone, which is super intimidating. I do go to exercise classes, I just never talk to anyone...

[ijack]

what are your hobbies? Can you join a group?
I totally understand, I'm very social awkward but have found that having something in common helps. Honestly for me having kids helped the most because DD talks to everyone and actually forces me to as well ("now ask her her name mommy"), but that's not really the best reason to have kids. Do you have neighbors your age?

[Deleted]

Oct 31, 2012 9:24:24 GMT -5 ijack said:

what are your hobbies? Can you join a group?
I totally understand, I'm very social awkward but have found that having something in common helps. Honestly for me having kids helped the most because DD talks to everyone and actually forces me to as well ("now ask her her name mommy"), but that's not really the best reason to have kids. Do you have neighbors your age?

I love to cook, but I don't know how to find a group without having to pay money for classes. I actually don't know any of my neighbors. We never see anyone on our floor.

[karinothing]

I hang out with DC area nesties

Honestly, I am just super social and I go up and talk to people all the time. Now that I have a kid I find it super easy becuase I just go talk to another mom with kids and we usually just exchange info at the end of the conversation. Before kids it was kind of the same way. I just went to talk to random people and then said "hey we should hang out sometime" or whatever.

[dawnyp]

When I've moved to new cities I've joined meetup. There are groups for everything there - socializing, eating out, running, hiking, photography, foreign languages, etc. I'm sure you can find a group that interests you. One thing is to check when the most recent meetup is and how often the groups meetup. Some groups are active and some rarely do anything. Look for a group with a large number of members and frequent events.

[Deleted]

I've actually made a lot of friends through the Nest/Bump. Some I met individually, and others I met as a larger group. The first GTG tends to be a bit awkward, but I have friends who I am so close to now that I completely forget that we first met online. I also have become good friends with a few colleagues. I think those friendships likely started by one of us asking the other to lunch. After going to lunch a couple of times we started doing different social things together.

[gt7301b]

I suck at meeting people too. I've lived in DC for four years and I am just starting to have a good solid base of friends in the area. Here are some suggestions.

- Work, plan a happy hour with your entire team. It removes a little of the weirdness if there is a large group of people. See if the girls you go to lunch with want to hangout on the weekend or for dinner.
- DH's friends - do they have spouses/significant others?
- Hobbies - I ice skate and I joined a group class to help meet people. It took me a while to join a class here, but I am glad I did and I am starting to make new friends in the class.
- GTGs - I've only been to one DC nesties GTG, but sometimes you just have to put yourself out there.
Meetups
-Have a party and invite lots of people - We host a Christmas party and we invite our entire work teams. Even if you aren't friends with everyone you might be after the party.
-Friends from the past - One of my best friends from college just moved back to the area and we hangout a lot now. Maybe there are people who you are FB friends with that you can catch up with.

The first time you go to a meetup or GTG it can be awkward, but it gets better.

[sunny]

volunteering is how I've made most of my friends. followed by having a kid and becoming friends with the moms at daycare

[Deleted]

My only friends outside of work, aside from my husband's friends, are Knotties/Nesties/Nexties. LOL.

[Kore]

I completely understand. It can be SO hard to put yourself out there when you're not naturally outgoing.

Most of my adult friends have been made through work, the nest, and volunteering with an animal rescue. We all have something in common, so that makes it less awkward. If you haven't, join the DC board & get to know them. That's a great place to start. I also agree with meetup. Find or start a book club, social club, etc. Those people are all looking for friends, too, so that's an easier "in."

[Susie]

Oct 31, 2012 8:59:04 GMT -5 @micheleb18 said:

How do you make friends outside of work? I'm shy, but I need to do something. I fill my spare time with hobbies instead of meeting people because that scares me. Any advice??

I joined a club that centered around my hobby. In my case, it was a triathlon club. People with similar interests, something automatically in common to do/talk about - I made a lot of new friends. And I am pretty introverted!

[minniebee]

I just moved to a new city, my first big move since college (which was awhile ago, I'm 35), so these suggestions are great. Unfortunately, we don't have kids, and I don't have a job yet (we moved here for H's job), so not all of the options apply to me.

I did join the board of directors for an animal shelter, so I made one positive step to meet people. I was pretty proud of myself for that one. :-)

I asked H if he wanted to get together with anyone from his work, and he said that he wasn't comfortable being outside-of-work friends with the people he supervises. The other people at this company that are at a similar level as him are all much older.

The only person I knew in this city before moving here is my college boyfriend. Don't think we'll be hanging out with him ... awkward.

Anyone here from central Ohio? I would be up for planning a GTG if anyone is interested!

[Deleted]

Oh, and former co-workers, whom I suppose still fall under the umbrella of work.

[Deleted]

Oct 31, 2012 12:47:49 GMT -5 pennypenny said:

DC nexties are great if I say so myself. But all the other suggestions above are good. Plan a DC GTG. I know several of us would come.

Where is the DC board?? I didn't know there were local boards...lol

[Deleted]

My "newer" friends are from the gym and church.

[liveintheville]

I never left the city I went to college in. Our friends living here are a huge part of why we'd never move.

[karinothing]

Oct 31, 2012 12:57:05 GMT -5 @micheleb18 said:

Oct 31, 2012 12:47:49 GMT -5 pennypenny said:

DC nexties are great if I say so myself. But all the other suggestions above are good. Plan a DC GTG. I know several of us would come.

Where is the DC board?? I didn't know there were local boards...lol

I dont' have the link with me, but I just use MM as my local a lot of the time since there are so many of us. There is a local board, but it is on another proboards page.

[jenn248]

Oct 31, 2012 12:57:05 GMT -5 @micheleb18 said:

Oct 31, 2012 12:47:49 GMT -5 pennypenny said:

DC nexties are great if I say so myself. But all the other suggestions above are good. Plan a DC GTG. I know several of us would come.

Where is the DC board?? I didn't know there were local boards...lol

We have a separate board on proboards (we left the Nest a few weeks before all the GBCN boards did). It's private, but the mods will approve new members; just tell them you came over from the GBCN MM board: dcnestrefugees.proboards.com/index.cgi

[Deleted]

You do have to make an effort to talk to people;).

Start by telling someone you like their outfit or strike up a conversation about the last class. Be sure to introduce yourself.

If you don't have kids, you may have to target younger or older people. My new friends are mostly under 30 and over 50 because everyone else is busy with kids.

[cizzle]

My husband is military as well and I don't usually make a ton of military spouse friends so I was determined to make friends on my own here. I asked a couple girls I know if they wanted to start a book club and then told each to bring someone the other girls didn't know. I've made a handful of close friends this way just over the last 6-8 months.

[Deleted]

When we first moved here 4 years ago, I was determined to make some friends. I am naturally sort of shy and somewhat of a homebody, but the last time we moved somewhere I was miserable and wanted to do better this time.

I went to several meetups and made a couple of friends there. I also met up with a couple of girls I found on Craigslist...this was before it was known for being creepy so I'm not sure I'd recommend that route now. Basically, I posted a personal ad saying that I was new in town and wanted girlfriends, and then met the girls in a public place. LOL.

I also have made friends through volunteering and through my apartment building - the best friends we made happened to be neighbors and we struck up a conversation and joined in the fun one night when everyone was playing drinking games (like flippy cup) in front of the building. It is definitely more my style to avoid eye contact and run into my building without saying hello, but I forced myself not to do that.

Honestly? I still have a couple of those friends but most of them I have lost touch with, lol. They were nice but some moved, some ended up being weird, and some just ended up moving in different directions schedule-wise and we never reconnected.

But it at least got me over the hump of being new in town and feeling like I needed to meet people.

I also think that as the years have gone on, I've figured out that I don't need or want a ton of friends. I much prefer hanging out at home with my DH or by myself to being out and about with a million people all the time. I still like meeting new people and still value making friends, but I have also accepted that it just isn't my style to have a ton of people calling me all the time. Plus, if they are calling me I have to return the favor..no thanks. lol.

I did just meet my first "nextie" last night and she was super nice

[pitterwoo]

this is such a problem for me because I just usually don't initiate talking to people. I am not much of a joiner, so there aren't a lot of organizations or clubs that I would get into. I also am not a big one for going out. Basically I just want a few people to talk to, invite over to watch a game or have a cookout and maybe go out for drinks once in a while. It's taken a while, but eventually we met some neighbors that we like and they are low key to hang out with. I also have a couple coworkers that I occasionally do happy hour with.

I was annoyed with myself for a long time that I'm not better at making friends, but I've become more like buckybells recently realizing that I'm a homebody and don't want to make a ton of plans all the time. This could also be because one of my only friends around here really wore me out this past weekend asking for help with her moving sale. Unfortunately the move wasn't under good circumstances so not only was it a lot of work physically, she's a wreck emotionally and it's really draining.