let's discuss: family and money

[sarack]

not to be confused with family money...

so i was on tn and there was this thread on family matters about how this woman and her family go to their il's every monday night.. the ils suggested that they bring a full print out of their credit reports so they could go over some financial planning.. apparently the h was all for it but the wife thinks that they are over stepping..

so, if your h's parents asked you two to come over and bring your financial states and credit report.. would you do it? what would you think? what if h wanted to?

[sarack]

first of all, hell no. i'd say i'll do i if they do it too and we'll compare notes. otherwise, if h was insisting on it, i'd think he was talking to his parents about our business. which would irritate me.

[picksthemusic]

DH would not be up for this. His dad's temper is WAY too short for any sort of discussions of money between them. FIL gives us money advice a lot, and DH just smiles and nods. I'd rather talk money/credit issues with an unbiased 3rd party.

[jennlin]

Heck no. Sure, my inlaws have money, but they also write checks. I can't take financial advice from someone who writes checks at the grocery store.

[madDawg228]

May 22, 2012 14:41:34 GMT -5 picksthemusic said:

I'd rather talk money/credit issues with an unbiased 3rd party.

This. I only talk $$$ with my H. Recently my MIL asked me how much I make per hour, and I told her that is between me, my H, and my employer. Extended family and money talks do not go together imo.

[amandasw]

I wouldn't do it, but in the situation mentioned, could it be that this couple is making poor choices and the parents are concerned? If you look at it this way (and the poster isn't telling the whole story) then I'm with the ILs.

I would be irritated if either set of parents told us to do this. However, we often ask my parents for advice since my mom knows a lot about various things and his parents don't. Also, I think we have a 'healthier' relationship with my parents who wouldn't hold things over us etc (whereas his mom can be petty and still thinks she can tell him what to do).

[emyinpink]

This would totally piss me off. Luckily, none of our parents would every pull something like this.

That being said, we do tell our parents when we get raises (at least, my parents and his dad/step-mom), and they have pretty good idea of what we make.

[tacocat]

I have discussed financial questions with my family but they are not pushy about anything. FIL tends to overstep his bounds so I don't tell him anything.

[MrsH2010]

Yeah, I would not feel comfortable going over all of our financial stuff with my ILs. I feel like they already try to make too many decisions for us and push us to do things we don't want to do.

We ask my mom for advice a lot and we ask his parents for advice sometimes about different things.

I agree with amandasw though, if the couple is really screwing up, maybe the parents are concerned and offering their help and I think offering is okay, pushing is not. I also think it would have to be 100% okay between both her and DH.

[Deleted]

Thankfully neither of our parents would ask us to do that, but I wouldn't.

However, once, in the context of a conversation (ok fine, emotional breakdown that I was having) my mom asked what we made and I told her.

[larzhope]

yeah, no I wouldn't feel comfortable at all. My family is pretty open about money - i.e. my parents know how much I make (approximately). They know H makes more than me, but they don't know how much.

That being said, I'd never let them look at our financial statements - and frankly, there isn't really a reason to since in my opinion, we probably manage our money similiarly and/or better than our parents

[niq]

Yowza. No dice. I would talk to my parents about individual financial planning issues, but I'm not going to show them my credit report.

I think if I thought my kids were irresponsible with money, I would want to get involved. But I don't think I'd even ask for the actual credit report.

[hellzkitten]

No. But none of our parents are in a better financial situation than us. If it were MH's oldest sister (she is about 20 years older than us), I would thank her for the offer, but decline. I am accountable for my own finances & while I don't mind discussing vaguely with friends about stuff, I am not going to get into details with family.

[sarack]

the only way i could see me agreeing to this is if the il's were really nice and great with money AND if we were in a hole or something and weren't sure where to turn. otherwise, the topic is inappropriate to me.

mgoss- i could have NEVEr said that to my MIL! I would feel like an asshole. but GREAT JOB!

[MrsH2010]

May 22, 2012 15:22:01 GMT -5 niq said:

Yowza. No dice. I would talk to my parents about individual financial planning issues, but I'm not going to show them my credit report.

I think if I thought my kids were irresponsible with money, I would want to get involved. But I don't think I'd even ask for the actual credit report.[/quote]

Yeah, this is true. Why would it even be necessary to see?

[Deleted]

I could see in some circumstances, not enough detail in the OP. If the parents were really good with money matters and the children were having some financially difficulty and wanting help (learning to create a budget to pay down debt, etc), then I don't think the request would be out of line.

[sarack]

it's absolutely out of line. unless they ask for your help, damanding that they bring this personal stuff is ridiculous. it's one thing to mention in passing, oh we had debt and this is what we did.. or whatever to see if your children bite, but if not, leave it alone.

[libbride]

I'd be very uncomfortable with this. I could see maybe some sort of budgeting/financial plan session, but even that would be strange. I think it is something that should be worked out between the couple and, if needed, a non-family third party (financial planner, etc.)

I have generally the same money philosophy as my parents (pay off credit cards in full, pay off car loan asap, etc.) but I would die if they saw my credit card bills. We just have different priorities, even though in the end we are similar.

(DH's dad isn't so great with money, so that conversation would never happen.)

[Deleted]

Definitely not something I'd be comfortable doing. After all I think at that point in your life it isn't any of my/his parents' business what our finances look like.