STFU parents?

[birdmom]

I compare my toddler and my puppy frequently. When they play together, its like two little kids playing. And a dog dying is not at all the same as a child dying, although I would never minimize someone's grief, because losing a pet is very difficult.

[Deleted]

As a childless dog owner, this annoys me. With your additional explanation, it doesn't annoy me as much, but just the original post with no context? STFU.

I listen to my friends talk about their kids not because I really care all that much about children but because I know their kids are important to them and therefore as their friend it is my duty to at least act like I care. I mean I do care, but you know what I mean. I don't want to talk about kids all day, if I was that into children I'd have one.

My dogs are an important part of my life and the closest thing I have to relate to their kid stories. I don't think I am always drawing comparisons but if I did, it would be my way of relating and/or sharing a story or something that is important to me. If someone blew me off like their kid story was more important than my dog story, I'd assume they are not a very good friend.

[takeonyou]

I think it's rude. Does he expect people to only respond on the the topic at hand? Does he hand out conversation starter cards? Because by his logic, the conversation would just be him talking about the baby, other person has no reference, conversation is one ended, dull, and then over.

[Deleted]

There is so much wrong in this thread, hanna's DH getting upset because the whole world doesn't care about his kid as much as he does, doctorblue getting bent out of shape because someone said a kid dying wasn't the same as a dog dying, dolt calling.

Jesus.

[Deleted]

Yeah I have a friend who compares her puppy to children all the time (wrt to having to go out at night, peeing indoors, chewing on random stuff, etc.). It doesn't bother me. I actually think she has it worse than I do. At least children grow up and leave your house eventually!

OP I think your H needs to chill. His friends are probably just trying to participate in the conversation.

[ECB]

Oct 31, 2012 18:22:42 GMT -5 dexteroni said:

Oh this is funny because I have done this. I didn't realize it was offensive. It's usually something like "omg my kids can wreck a house in no time flat" and I'll be like "lol, so can my dogs" or whatever. And it's always done lightheartedly; I would never seriously be like "this works on my dog, try it with your baby." And I highly doubt the "I spray my dog with water" person was recommending that your DH try it on your baby. lol.

My personal take - for people who don't have kids, it does give them SOME parallel and a way to take part in a conversation. Here and there, I don't care.

But I have a friend who before she had her DD, she did this ALL THE TIME w/ her dog. ALL THE TIME. No one could mention their kid or try to talk to another parent about "we're having ___ issue - how did you handle it?" w/o her chiming in about her dog and basically taking over the conversation.

I do not exaggerate when I say "all the time". It was maddening.

She no longer does this about her dog, thank God. But now she's moved on to her kid - which is just as bad. I realize now that she's just really, really self centered and simply doesnt want to listen to other people. She only wants to talk abou therself and her family. There is no "conversation" with her.

[Lucille Bluth]

Oct 31, 2012 22:05:26 GMT -5 @buckybells said:

As a childless dog owner, this annoys me. With your additional explanation, it doesn't annoy me as much, but just the original post with no context? STFU.

I listen to my friends talk about their kids not because I really care all that much about children but because I know their kids are important to them and therefore as their friend it is my duty to at least act like I care. I mean I do care, but you know what I mean. I don't want to talk about kids all day, if I was that into children I'd have one.

My dogs are an important part of my life and the closest thing I have to relate to their kid stories. I don't think I am always drawing comparisons but if I did, it would be my way of relating and/or sharing a story or something that is important to me. If someone blew me off like their kid story was more important than my dog story, I'd assume they are not a very good friend.

:Y:

[jennistarr1]

So I catch myself doing this from time to time and try and stop it...it's usually not a direct comparison (like the chewing example someone gave)...but more of "my kid did the funniest thing" and you want to share a story of when your dog did something funny that made you laugh". Most of the time my anecdote pops into my head but I censor myself from sharing because I know the kid/dog comparison is upsetting. But ALL of my friends have children but me so I often feel left out of conversations.

[flygirl22]

A coworker of mine took 2 weeks off of work because her dog died. She has no kids (in her 40s), and her dog was her life. She tried to come into work a week after and she would literally burst into tears at moments. She was greiving like that dog was her child, and just because YOU don't see them as the same thing, doesn't mean others don't.

[Rachael070707]

There are a few 8-D worthy things in this thread but I will just add my perspective from an infertile. While, no I wouldn’t try to relate with my pets with spray bottles full of water or how to not eat cat poop, I probably would bring them up in the right context. The peeing in the bathroom in private is a good example. I can’t do that with my two cats or the dog. It’s not that I think they’re completely on the same level as kids (I’m not getting into that debate because I can see both sides) but since I’m unable to have kids and struggle with that aspect, I might just be trying to stay close or to not feel left out of the conversation. A conversation that always, always makes me hurt because I don’t know if I will ever know what you’re talking about. His friends might have their own struggles and don’t want to be left behind. You never know. Just adding my .02.

[bunnysmom]

Oct 31, 2012 22:05:26 GMT -5 @buckybells said:

As a childless dog owner, this annoys me. With your additional explanation, it doesn't annoy me as much, but just the original post with no context? STFU.

I listen to my friends talk about their kids not because I really care all that much about children but because I know their kids are important to them and therefore as their friend it is my duty to at least act like I care. I mean I do care, but you know what I mean. I don't want to talk about kids all day, if I was that into children I'd have one.

My dogs are an important part of my life and the closest thing I have to relate to their kid stories. I don't think I am always drawing comparisons but if I did, it would be my way of relating and/or sharing a story or something that is important to me. If someone blew me off like their kid story was more important than my dog story, I'd assume they are not a very good friend.

Exactly this!

[Doctorblue]

Nov 1, 2012 9:00:30 GMT -5 flygirl22 said:

She was greiving like that dog was her child, and just because YOU don't see them as the same thing, doesn't mean others don't.

Exactly. I have seen, literally, thousands of grieving pet parents. Some have barely batted an eye, some have collapsed on the floor wailing. To some people it IS the same as losing a child. Side eye it if you want, but instead, maybe show some compassion for someone who has a different perspective on their pets than you do.

[Myrrhine]

Nov 1, 2012 10:11:36 GMT -5 Doctorblue said:

Nov 1, 2012 9:00:30 GMT -5 flygirl22 said:

She was greiving like that dog was her child, and just because YOU don't see them as the same thing, doesn't mean others don't.

Exactly. I have seen, literally, thousands of grieving pet parents. Some have barely batted an eye, some have collapsed on the floor wailing. To some people it IS the same as losing a child. Side eye it if you want, but instead, maybe show some compassion for someone who has a different perspective on their pets than you do.

I have neither a child nor a pet, but don't most people expect to outlive their children but not their pets? Of course parents who lose children grieve for years and it sometimes ends marriages. Do people who lose pets have the same experience?

(I am not being snarky, seriously asking. I haven't encountered that myself.)

[dexteroni]

Nov 1, 2012 8:12:33 GMT -5 papiercherri said:

There is so much wrong in this thread, hanna's DH getting upset because the whole world doesn't care about his kid as much as he does, doctorblue getting bent out of shape because someone said a kid dying wasn't the same as a dog dying, dolt calling.

Seriously.

[mrshandy]

Oct 31, 2012 17:58:08 GMT -5 Kore said:

Do parents feel like it minimizes their hard work when people without kids make comparisons? It may not be comparable, but why get annoyed?

You know I don't really care if people make comparisons. I would think it is funny how toddlers and dogs are somewhat similar.

I don't really care that much about dogs, so I just think that people feel the same way when I talk about my kid.

I try not to talk about him too much and make sure to show interest in their pet.

I think your H is a little rude HM, I would just chuckle at someone who compares disciplining a dog to a baby.

[gmail]

The way I see it, these people are relators. They like making connections with people and sharing their experiences to show you "Look! I have something similar! We're connected!" It's a personality thing...they just like to relate to others and their experiences.

[whitepicketfence]

I think that was an odd thing for him to post. It doesn't bother me at all when people compare kids to pets. And, yes, I do think it comes across as a bit rude.

[jennistarr1]

Nov 1, 2012 10:27:07 GMT -5 Myrrhine said:

Nov 1, 2012 10:11:36 GMT -5 Doctorblue said:

Exactly. I have seen, literally, thousands of grieving pet parents. Some have barely batted an eye, some have collapsed on the floor wailing. To some people it IS the same as losing a child. Side eye it if you want, but instead, maybe show some compassion for someone who has a different perspective on their pets than you do.

I have neither a child nor a pet, but don't most people expect to outlive their children but not their pets? Of course parents who lose children grieve for years and it sometimes ends marriages. Do people who lose pets have the same experience? (I am not being snarky, seriously asking. I haven't encountered that myself.)

I guess it just boils down to how different people are. Some people just don't bond with pets where those that do have a really unique attachment to a pet then they would a person. You couldn't compare it to a child, it's just so different.

[sillygoosegirl]

Maybe rude, but I agree with him...

[karinothing]

re: the Pet/child grief thing.

I have lost pets where I was the one that collapsed on the floor crying and wasn't able to walk out of the room. BUT that is no where close to the pain I felt when I lost my mom and I can imagine that losing a child would be worse. Losing a pet is pain that can be instant and intense but losing a loved one is pain that can consume you for years. My friends mom still has difficulty over the death of her son 25 years ago. I really don't know anyone that is that worked up over a pet they lost 25 years ago. . . but who knows I am sure there is someone out there.

Hannah - I think the comment sounded kind of rude. I think he should just not let peopel bother him. I also typically refrain from posting any status updates about DS on FB becuase I don't want people making comments or being annoyed with me.

[dcrunnergirl]

Nov 1, 2012 12:08:30 GMT -5 whitepicketfence said:

I think that was an odd thing for him to post. It doesn't bother me at all when people compare kids to pets. And, yes, I do think it comes across as a bit rude.

I agree with this. In fact, sometimes I even treat my kids like pets and put them on leashes to keep them safe. The horror!

[Deleted]

Nov 1, 2012 12:54:58 GMT -5 @msstarry said:

pets aren't people (concerning the death thing). not the same at all. flame away.

I agree, and I LOVE my cats, like, I really love cats. *cue the YouTube video of the crazy cat lady crying about how she really loves cats.*

I will be devastated when one of them dies, and I know it's going to happen, and it makes me want to cry just thinking about it.

It still doesn't compare to the death of a human being.

I would think that any mother in their right mind would agree.

[mishap]

Losing a pet is not the same thing as losing a child. Give me a fucking break -- yes, I will minimize grief when that comparison is made.

[jennistarr1]

Nov 1, 2012 13:06:44 GMT -5 mishap said:

Losing a pet is not the same thing as losing a child. Give me a fucking break -- yes, I will minimize grief when that comparison is made.

It's not the same...but grief is grief...you can't just magically stop because now your reaction is equalling how some would grieve for their child

[mishap]

Nov 1, 2012 13:14:11 GMT -5 jennistarr1 said:

Nov 1, 2012 13:06:44 GMT -5 mishap said:

Losing a pet is not the same thing as losing a child. Give me a fucking break -- yes, I will minimize grief when that comparison is made.

It's not the same...but grief is grief...you can't just magically stop because now your reaction is equalling how some would grieve for their child

No one said people aren't allowed to grieve for their pets, or that they aren't allowed to fall to the floor sobbing at the loss of a pet. There is no timeline for grief, and there doesn't need to be. But comparing it to the loss of a child is just plain moronic.

[Kore]

lol at all of this.

People say stupid shit when they're grieving. They may say, "It feels like my heart has been ripped from my chest."

I'm sure people who've actually had their hearts ripped from their chests would disagree (if they were alive to do so).

[Deleted]

I think grief is grief and if someone wants to compare their loss of a pet to how they think they would feel if they lost a child - well, that's their feelings.

I would think this comparison would be inappropriate if someone actually lost a child and a friend or whoever said "I know just how you feel with your son's death - my dog died last year". Not the same.

If I as a childless person wanted to compare the death of my dog to how I would feel if I lost a child, that's my prerogative and it isn't fair or necessary to argue with me.

FWIW I have not lost a dog so I'm just using me as an example.

Some of these responses are sounding like "Well you couldn't possibly understand until you're a parent". Which I think we all agree is true in some cases but comes off as condescending and rude most of the time.

[rageragerage]

Oct 31, 2012 17:40:12 GMT -5 @libgrl said:

Honestly? I'd think your husband needs to get over himself.

Yep.

[Deleted]

Nov 1, 2012 12:54:58 GMT -5 @msstarry said:

pets aren't people (concerning the death thing). not the same at all. flame away.

:Y:

[karinothing]

Nov 1, 2012 13:53:31 GMT -5 jenny1980 said:

I guess I don't understand why people with kids are offended if someone says losing a pet feels like losing their child. They are speaking of their own feelings, not yours. So who cares?

I am not offended, I just think it is weird