can i vent about dh for a sec?

[Bernadine]

Nov 1, 2012 13:26:27 GMT -5 frkls said:

he just called and is stopping home for something, so i have to pull it together...

Why? Why don't you let him see that you're upset, and tell him how you feel?

I know it's easier said than done, but I really think you should.

[flex]

We had a course at my church years ago on the importance of the "family" which is the mother and father FIRST and foremost--the children are the second priority. And he based it on biblical priniciples. I found it very refreshing because a lot of denominations make it all about the children coming first. The instructor said God created Adam and Eve as adults, not as children.

The instructor said that Mom and Dad should make it a priority every day have 15 minutes of uninterrupted time alone.

[papie]

((hugs)))

He is being an asshole. (Can I say that about a pastor?)

I am sorry frkls. Can you tell him what you just told us?

[sake]

I think that you should voice some of these concerns with him. Tell him that you feel like as a family, you guys are awesome, but as a couple, you feel like you are struggling, and suggest some solutions i.e. monthly date nights, or whatever it is that you would like to do.
I think that what you're saying is valid, and as parents it's easy to put the kids before your own relationship, but in the grand scheme of things, your kids will be grown up and moved out and then it will just be the 2 of you, and you don't want your relationship to have been put on the back burner for so long, that it is REALLY hard to adjust when it's just back to you and him...
Good luck, and ((hugs)) I hope that you can talk to him, and get what you need out of your marriage

[mkesweetie]

Oh, Frkls, I'm so sorry.

No real advice just lots of good thoughts for you.

[papie]

Nov 1, 2012 13:30:34 GMT -5 flex said:

The instructor said that Mom and Dad should have 15 minutes of uninterrupted time alone.

This made me lol. 15 minutes, quiiiiiiick! Lock the door, take off your pants, the clock is ticking.

[pantsparty]

I'm sorry. Have you told him how much this bothers you? Can you take the initiative and plan a date night?

[gozf]

Frkls, I'm so sorry.

[flex]

Nov 1, 2012 13:31:38 GMT -5 papie said:

Nov 1, 2012 13:30:34 GMT -5 flex said:

The instructor said that Mom and Dad should have 15 minutes of uninterrupted time alone.

This made me lol. 15 minutes, quiiiiiiick! Lock the door, take off your pants, the clock is ticking.

He wasn't talking about sex. It was about sitting down and talking at the end of the day (not when the kids are in bed), and to make it clear to the kids not to interrupt that time. He said it's good for kids to see that their parents cherish each other.

[ering1115]

I would read him your second paragraph verbatim. He should know how you feel about this.

How old is dsd? Could she watch the boys for you while you go to dinner or a movie?

[papie]

Nov 1, 2012 13:34:41 GMT -5 flex said:

Nov 1, 2012 13:31:38 GMT -5 papie said:

This made me lol. 15 minutes, quiiiiiiick! Lock the door, take off your pants, the clock is ticking.

He wasn't talking about sex. It was about sitting down and talking at the end of the day (not when the kids are in bed), and to make it clear to the kids not to interrupt that time. He said it's good for kids to see that their parents cherish each other.

I figured he wasn't, but that is where my mind went anyway.

[pittsmcgee]

I'm sorry frkls. That's not fair and I think you (from what I "see" here) appear to be doing a fantastic job at being a mom and a stepmom. It's not easy!
He needs to know you are upset and open his eyes! You deserve to have time to yourselves, you need it to keep the marriage afloat

[imoan]

Tell him! These are legitimate concerns.

I wouldn't kill myself to pull myself together before he gets home. Maybe your reaction would be a wake up call.

[fuckyourcouch]

Nov 1, 2012 13:28:10 GMT -5 Bernadine said:

Nov 1, 2012 13:26:27 GMT -5 frkls said:

he just called and is stopping home for something, so i have to pull it together...

Why? Why don't you let him see that you're upset, and tell him how you feel?

I know it's easier said than done, but I really think you should.

this! i'm so sorry you're feeling this way, but i think you should share it.

[caffeinebean]

Nov 1, 2012 13:37:11 GMT -5 ering1115 said:

I would read him your second paragraph verbatim. He should know how you feel about this.

How old is dsd? Could she watch the boys for you while you go to dinner or a movie?

This is a great idea! And I also agree that you should read this to him. He needs to know how you're feeling.

[Deleted]

Frkls, I'm so sorry.

[Deleted]

I think you need to have a come to Jesus meeting (no pun intended) with your DH about the importance of your relationship with him. You guys are doing good with the kids and church, but you sound unhappy when it comes to your DH. Tell him how his comment affected you then tell him you need to institute a date night or something that will allow the both of you to spend time together, just the two of you without kids.

[cuddlyevil]

ITA with everyone else. Sorry he's being a jerk Frkls.

[wannabe]

i agree with the others - plan a date night and accept no excuses. you two deserve some alone time, and hopefully you can sit him down for a heart-to-heart before the date so that you can fully enjoy it.

[sunflower22]

Is he willing to wake up and help in the mornings to accomplish this new goal? Or it is just all on you. I agree w the others, tell him how you feel.

[Deleted]

Nov 1, 2012 13:28:10 GMT -5 Bernadine said:

Nov 1, 2012 13:26:27 GMT -5 frkls said:

he just called and is stopping home for something, so i have to pull it together...

Why? Why don't you let him see that you're upset, and tell him how you feel?

I know it's easier said than done, but I really think you should.

I so agree with this. Let him see you upset. Be honest with him about your feelings!

[hisno1girl]

Nov 1, 2012 13:30:46 GMT -5 papie said:

((hugs)))

He is being an asshole. (Can I say that about a pastor?)

I am sorry frkls. Can you tell him what you just told us?

Papie, my priest calls people assholes all the time! LOL

[partiallysunny]

Don't you dare put on a happy face! Tell him!

[poppyseed]

I'm really sorry, frkls. But you need to tell him how you feel! Your feelings are important, too, and he won't know unless you tell him.

Also, you're an awesome mom - don't ever doubt that.

[Mrs.Beagle]

:@

You are a fucking kick ass mom. You take care of EVERYTHING so he can be devoted to the church.

But you are more than a mom. You are also a wife and a woman and deserve to be treated as such.

[chickadee77]

Frkls, I'm sorry, and ditto everyone here. My sister's husband is a minister, and very kid-centric (rather than focusing on their relationship). This sounds like something he would pull.

I know I'm just a lurker, and I agree about doing more date-nights, or whatever you want to call it, but consider making that a separate conversation. When my sis tried this in a situation similar to yours, her husband took it as wanting time together to discuss and re-evaluate some of their parenting techniques, rather than time to re-connect with each other.

Anyhow, just my two cents. I'll butt out now...

[wrathofkuus]

You didn't yell all this at him immediately? You should.