My cousin, who I love dearly is on the crazy train. She is in an on again/off again relationship with a total douchebag who refuses to divorce his wife - they've been seperated for almost 3 years. He treats her like crap, they fight, she apologizes, begs him to forgive her (when she didn't do anything), wash rinse repeat.
Today, she asked me to call the STB ExW's work to see if she was there. Why? I don't know. I don't want to feed into any of this but I want to be there to support her.
She is literally having a horrific meltdown right now because she lurves him.
I just don't know what to do. Can you wise ladies give me some advice please?
Oh, and she can't afford therapy. Her ins doesn't cover it and she's hardly making ends meet as it is.
Thanks and here, have a :drink: since it's Friday and all ya'll are awesome.
Post by bullygirl979 on Nov 2, 2012 11:30:15 GMT -5
Here is my advice: she is going to do what she wants and she will not see the light unless *she* wants to. So you need to decide what you are willing to do and what you are willing to provide for her. Are you willing to be a shoulder to cry on when needed? Are you willing to listen when she needs to talk? Etc.
You can only change you and your reaction to her. She needs to make the changes in her life, if she so desires.
Do not call the STBXW's work and engage in the crazy! Stay out of it. Tell your cousin this is not a healthy relationship. You don't have horrific meltdowns over healthy relationships.
The best thing you can do to help your cousin would be to help her locate free or low-cost counseling services. They're out there and it sounds like she needs it.
ETA: I agree with the others that she'll need to see the light on her own, but if she asks for your help or your opinion, then I'd be honest and try to help her find affordable counseling.
She needs to see the light on her own. If she asks for your opinion, give it. Otherwise try to just support her and not be too judgemental (although I'm sure it would be hard). She's going to have to learn the hard way, I can see that.
Sorry - I thought I added that no, I will NOT call for her. It won't serve any purpose and I know that. I don't want to be part of her crazy train that's for sure. And I agree with you Turtle, you don't have meltdowns over a good healthy relationship.