BFing-Help me keep my goal

[jackpackage]

This is going to sound whiny, but here goes. DS is 4 months, and I want to bf until 6 months (end goal of 1 year, but I need mini-goals). I finally have grown to enjoy nursing, but for selfish reasons, I want to quit. DH works 7:30-6 every day and since ds won't take a bottle overnight, I'm on baby duty for all but 1.5 hours/day through the week.

My h, mom, and MIL all help out when they can, but whenever they watch him (and give him a bottle), he ends up nursing a ton afterwards. So basically to be away from him, I still have to pump and then I nurse non-stop for a few hours when I get home. Kind of damned if I do, damned if I don't, and it ends up being easier on both me and ds if I stay nearby to nurse.

I just think of everything I can do if I quit nursing. Diet (I'm so hungry all the time!), have freedom, wear normal clothes, etc. Then there's the fact that I have no sex drive, and I miss sex! I was on pelvic rest throughout pregnancy, so we've only had sex two or 3 times since Feb. :-(

I know 4 months is nothing for most of you, but it's been a really hard road and I'm proud of myself for making it this far. I could use a pep talk right about now.

[Deleted]

((hugs)) It's hard to be needed so much, all the time.

Are you at home or working? Do you have any IRL mom groups to go to?

The only thing I can tell you is that even though it feels ENDLESS right now, this is a tiny part of your life. You're sacrificing some things right now (and yes, it's hard) to give your baby the best nutrition and start you can. You're through the worst part and it really does get easier and better - before you know it, he'll be more able to cope with you being away for a few hours.

I Rx a glass of wine. Drink it slow and I promise it won't hurt the baby.

[Ashley&Scott]

It will get better!

Can you do anything fun while you nurse? Read, play on the computer, watch tv, etc? Have you tried nursing in the side lying position yet? Do you NIP? Just getting out of the house, even with the baby will probably make you feel less tied down

Try to remind yourself, since your DS won't take a bottle quitting won't really make your life easier. Instead of being able to nurse & calm/feed him easily you'll have to deal with the struggle of getting him to take a bottle.

RE: your hunger, have you tried eating more protein? That helps keep me full longer.

I also think a mom's group or BF support group would be great for you.

Some of the best BFing advice I've heard is never quit on a bad day. ({) (})

[jackpackage]

Thanks token. I was hoping you'd respond. I SAH. We've tried a moms group, but I'm not cut out for it. I'm introverted as it is, and I can't relate to other SAHMs in the area.

I remember you, or another BFing pro, said to never quit on a bad day, and that helped me so much in the early weeks. I keep telling myself to take it 2 weeks at a time, since I'm sure I'd regret weaning.

eta: Thanks Ashley. I try to get out a few times a week, but I'm starting to get the winter blahs already. I need to change it up too, since our outings are always the same. Maybe I'll look into moms groups some more.

[gibbinator]

Maybe you can find a mom's group that's more structured rather than a random social playgroup?

I'm very introverted too and was really anxious about going out to moms groups, but there came a point when staying home alone all day with nothing but my thoughts and a bored baby was just too much..

I go to 2 weekly groups now. The first is a 10wks class through the hospital on various new parents subjects (first foods, physiotherapy - teaching rolling, sitting etc, copingbwith stress). Because there's the instructive element you're not so pressured to be social.

There's also a group that's basically dedicated to learning nursery rhymes and lullabies to play with your baby - so again, it's mostly learning fun, and less forced socialization.

[Deleted]

Try to find something to do just to get some interaction. Volunteering was fun - I volunteered to help a refugee practice her english. I asked to be paired with someone with a baby or expecting, so she had a baby 4 months younger than mine. Walk dogs for the SPCA, see if you could pack boxes at the food bank, whatever you would find some value in. Having things to do really helped me feel better about my life, and there are options that work with a baby along. If there's any room in the budget, a mom and baby fitness class might also be fun.

[zeewifeandmama]

You've gotten some good advice so I will just add my support! I'm a sahm and struggle with being " on call" all.the.time. Its hard and frustrating at times. This nursing phase gets easier, you have totally done all the hard stuff already! Good luck to you! I hope you don't quit, but if you have to just know that you did a great thing for your baby! Take care!

[mrssandro]

To address the sex issue:
I think you need to get back on that horse again (when it comes to sex). It totally sucks at first making it feel like you have a low sex drive because it doesn't feel good etc, but I don't think it has anything to do with BF. Sex wasn't good for after a year or so. I still made myself do it. Now, three years later sex is better than ever.

[jackpackage]

Thanks so much everyone!

[holly116]

So many good things have been said already, but I wanted to reiterate that you are really at the top of the hill at 4 months, it's about to get so much easier.

I've been pregnant or nursing for 3 straight years next month with two kids that have never taken a bottle. (Except for a short amount of time when I had to pump to heal with my son.. Now he refuses, little stinker).

Your baby will start going longer stretches soon, at 8 months, I rarely have to NIP, if I feed him before we leave, he can make it a few hours. I still have to be around for bedtime since I have to nurse, but DH and I have gone out on several date nights since DS sleeps through the night. (Or on a bad night, makes it till 2 before wanting to nurse). You're almost there!

And remember, nursing is such a fix all. If my DS is upset or sick, or just needs a little comfort, I nurse him and all is right in the world. My 2 year old was sick all week and there were so many times I wished I was still nursing her because she was just so pitiful being sick.

As far as getting out of the house, are there any story time programs for babies at your library? At the libraries around here there are several each week, they're free, and it's a good kid focused, out of the house activity. I've met a few other SAHMs who I've clicked with, but there's no forced socialization either.

Good luck! Making it 4 months is such an accomplishment in itself.

[DarcyLongfellow]

The others have already said this, but it bears repeating: you have MADE IT through the hard part!!! Really and truly. It is about to get SO easy.

Starting soon your son will be able to eat solids, and then when you leave him with someone he can eat solids to fill up. And even before that, starting around 4 months their tummies grow and they can eat more at a time, so they don't have to eat as often.

I'm pretty sure the cluster feeding days are behind you already :-)

And nursing really is a cure all for everything once a baby gets a bit older. Any hurt feelings, boo boo, etc. is magically cured by nursing for an older baby or young toddler. DH and I used to call it DD's "reset" button.

As for sex drive, I agree with PP that you just have to do it. You don't want it because you never have it. If you start having sex more (even if you don't really feel like it), you'll want it more. Do it for your DH -- it will make the two of you feel closer and more connected.

What didn't you like about the moms club you tried? Being stuck in the house all day with a baby is really hard. I was stuck at home with DD for a while when she was 6 to 8 months old because we had some (unplanned) major renovations done to our house, and it greatly contributed to my PPD.

I think if you were able to find more activities to do with your baby outside the house during the week, you wouldn't feel so trapped by the nursing. If you can find other stay at home moms to hang out with, then you'll have the support of other women who are going through what you are. You said you can't relate to the other SAHM's in the area, but surely you can find some women that you'd want to hang out with.

If I were you, I'd try another moms club. Did you check out www.momsclub.org? I've been part of one since DD was under a year. They have playgroups where you can hang out with other moms who have kids your kid's age, but they also have events on the calendar 3 or 4 days a week that are free or cheap -- bouncy houses, zoo trips, playground meet ups. MOPS is good if you're religious, and you could also check out meetup.org.

ETA: I was responding to the fact that you seem to be unhappy. I meant to add that if you decide switching to formula is the right choice for you and your son, then do NOT feel guilty about it :-) Nursing for 4 months is great!

[Deleted]

I nursed exclusively with both kids for 6 months and then kept nursing DS1 till 13 months and DS2 is still nursing at 16 months (HIS choice, not mine!).

With the first kid it was mentally and physically kind of difficult for the first few months and lifestyle wise it's definitely hard for 6 months. It gets SO MUCH less demanding when they hit 6 months and start eating solids. They can be away from you a lot longer, etc.

I'm not going to say it's no big deal - it is. I blame nursing for DH kind of slacking on baby duties for the first year. Every time the kids cried he was all "here you go, lady w/ the boobs...". It was annoying. I did all the night wakings w/ both of them and missed a couple weddings due to bf'ing and not being able to pump or bring the baby.

That said - now that I'm further removed from the irritating part no one tells you about...... I'm glad I invested the time with both kids and in the grand scheme of parenthood and life a year of intensity for each kid at the beginning isn't that big of a deal. Once they each hit a year old DH felt WAY more confident that he could trouble shoot with them and handle them on his own.

DH and I also had a hard time w/ pp sex life due to nurisng and some other issues so I understand the appeal to quitting, believe me. If it is a goal that YOU are really invested in, not just one you think you "should" reach - then I say hang in there. At 6 months or so nursing gets a million times easier! Once I got to the point that each kid was nursing once in the am, once before nap, once at bedtime it was a piece of cake.