My teaching contract has me returning to work after Thanksgiving. I am really having a hard time deciding what I should do. Financially, we're fine to go either way. I really love my job but I'm having a hard time trying to envision life being manageable if I go back to work. I teach learning support and have some students that require a lot of differentiation - which has me spending hours at night working on modifications for them. I also know that many people have no choice but to work and manage just fine - so I know I'm not unique here.
Some positives for working: the salary (obviously), 4 weeks paid leave (which is not standard - I was told this was because of my value at the school), the hours (8-3:15), the school year (33 weeks), my students and co-workers
Negatives: not sure how I would be able to make pumping happen, wouldn't be able to spend as much time on my lessons at night, day care costs, logistics of sick time, regret or guilt
In the ideal world, I would like to attempt to go back for a few weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas break as a trial - but I would feel bad if it doesn't work out for me and I decide to quit. Whatever I do, I don't want to burn a bridge. I almost feel like I should just suck it up and go back since my schedule is so great and I would be done for the summer by Memorial Day - so essentially it's about 6 months of work. I'm just really worried that I won't be able to do my job as well as I did before A.
I know no one can make this decision for me - I just needed to write it out to help me weed through the pros/cons.
I am struggling with this bigtime and I need to decide in the next few days. I change my mind every few days.
It is a very hard decision. I think in the end, the trial is probably the best choice and dont feel guilty. You are starting back in good faith. And as I always say when people worry about hurting feelings at work, imagine the shoe was on the other foot. If they had to lay you off, would they feel bad? Would they feel so bad, they didnt lay you off? Nope.
Personally, I was lucky to have a year off, but I know that work is the best option for me. I need to do something outside the home. I am a better Mom and a better person. It will be hard, but it will be a good option for me.
I would go back through Christmas and see how it's working. Either you'll find it's just not going to be feasible, or you're going to find you can handle it just fine with some creativity, at least until the end of the year. If you handle it professionally, IMO you won't burn any bridges.
I had the option to SAH. That was always a goal of mine. I liked my job, I was making a good salary, and I was actually using my degree. But I was not particularly career-driven, and I was driving 50+ miles each way to and from work, with some occasional travel involved. And we didn't have a big support system to handle childcare if travel got thrown into the mix.
The way it worked out for me, I realized my boss was going out on paternity leave about the time my mat leave would be over. If I up and quit, I would have left my dept half-staffed. I called him a month before mat leave was over and said I wanted to come back for a month to cover for him, and it also gave him 8 weeks to find my replacement. It turned out to be a perfect setup, and they chose to use me as a freelancer from there on out. I've been working for them off and on for the last 2 years.
You're right, only you can make this decision. But you have options. GL
It was definitely a tough decision. What made it even harder was the fact that friends and family made me feel guilty for working knowing that I could easily stay home on DH's salary. In hindsight I think my friends with kids were envious of my position so I don't fault them too much, but their comments and reactions definitely hurt at the time. I agree that it's a very personal choice but I realized staying at home just wasn't for me. I love my job and I value my adult time at work. I have come to be pretty well respected in my office and in my company at large, which is something I'm extremely proud of and would have had a hard time giving up. I honestly think being a SAHM is much harder than my job as a lawyer. I like the money and like knowing that my salary is helping us towards retirement and gives us plenty of extra fun money for things like family vacations. My decision to work was even easier after baby #2. This time I actually took two weeks less of my maternity leave because I couldn't wait to get back. Some people think that makes me selfish but I needed it for my sanity. I've never once regretted my decision to work vs. SAH.
It was definitely a tough decision. What made it even harder was the fact that friends and family made me feel guilty for working knowing that I could easily stay home on DH's salary. In hindsight I think my friends with kids were envious of my position so I don't fault them too much, but their comments and reactions definitely hurt at the time. I agree that it's a very personal choice but I realized staying at home just wasn't for me. I love my job and I value my adult time at work. I have come to be pretty well respected in my office and in my company at large, which is something I'm extremely proud of and would have had a hard time giving up. I honestly think being a SAHM is much harder than my job as a lawyer. I like the money and like knowing that my salary is helping us towards retirement and gives us plenty of extra fun money for things like family vacations. My decision to work was even easier after baby #2. This time I actually took two weeks less of my maternity leave because I couldn't wait to get back. Some people think that makes me selfish but I needed it for my sanity. I've never once regretted my decision to work vs. SAH.
I think this is a good point. I keep hearing "if you have the option to stay home, you should" from family members. My one SIL, in particular, makes comments all the time but she seems really bitter because she had no choice but to work (she is not one to hide her feelings, lol).
My dad has also made comments indirectly about staying home.
If I did go back, I am not sure how long it would be for - maybe another year or two until we have another kid. Unless I got promoted and my salary increased substantially, it wouldn't be cost-effective for us to put 2 kids in day care. So is it worth going back, even if it's temporary?
It's worth going back if you feel fulfilled doing the work, you still get quality time with your LO, and it feels right. It won't always be easy (but SAH isn't either).
Would that additional year or 2 put you in a better place financially?
Yes, financially we'd be better off. We'd be able to pay down my student loans more aggressively (which we recently adjusted without my salary) and it would give me a chance to put more towards retirement. Two years of working won't make a huge difference in my 401k though, but better than nothing.
Post by vanillacourage on Nov 4, 2012 23:36:18 GMT -5
I would for sure go back until Christmas as a trial. I am not a fan of quitting while on ML, and with the holidays I bet the time will go by fast and you'll have a better idea of what you want long term. You should also review your employee handbook or contract; sometimes you are required to return from ML for a certain period of time or else you owe your employer for benefits you used while on leave or even the PTO you used to take it.
I don't know if a few weeks around the holidays is long enough to give it a trial -- if you think you would really miss work I would give it a go until Memorial Day and then decide to go back after the summer or not.
Staying at home or not -- It's such a personal choice. I wouldn't trade staying home with my kiddos for the world, but it does set me back in my career when I decide to return. My kids were both sick the last 2 weeks and I could not imagine the stress I would have been under had I had an inevitable business meeting, etc. I also love all the things that I am teaching them -- I am fully responsible for all their learnings/manners/etc. However, on the flip side, I do need a break and every few weeks I have a full day sitter to give me a day off to get stuff done that I want to do.
Post by dulcemariamar on Nov 5, 2012 4:49:50 GMT -5
If I were in your shoes, I would go back to work but I agree with the PP and try to stick it out until the end of the year because I think that going back to work will require more than just a few weeks to adjust to your new schedule. I am sure things will be a lot better by February when you start to get into the groove of things.
I decided to be a SAHM for now because I was working freelance and I knew that the companies I worked for before would not want to hire me again when I am so close to my due date. Plus, if I had to pay for daycare I wouldnt be making a lot of money every month. I am going to give it a try and if I dont like it then I will go back to work next year.
Post by atouchofklasse on Nov 5, 2012 7:32:50 GMT -5
Either of us could have SAH but we both prefer to work.
The job stuff should work itself out. If not you can make adjustments.
What is your husband's work situation?
My husband had a very inflexible job which was a problem, so he's downshifting to .8 PT because it will work best for our family.
You also may feel differently when you see your kid thrive in daycare. Ours absolutely loves it and we wouldn't remove him from it unless we had no other option.
I had no real intention of being a SAHM. I went back to work when DS was 8 wks old and it was working for a bit. At the 8 month mark I was completely burned out.
DH and I were working 7am until 530p at the earliest. Not terrible hours but he was on call every Mon and Wed and we each were on call every 5th weekend- not the same weekend. We worked at the same place and there were times, even when we weren't on call, that we would both get called in. We would have to decide what issue needed attention first then the other would go in, or one of us would take care of both issues. There was no comp time.
Daycare options were limited and frankly I didn't think they were wonderful. If I felt my kid was getting incredible care and learning I might have felt better about the long hours and weekends, but I didn't.
It was all just too much. So when baby was 8 months we made a plan. We spent the next 4 months paying off the student loan and the car note and living on DH's salary. I resigned when he was 13 months. Best decision for us BY FAR
If you find your work fulfilling, I think you should at least give going back a try. Or can you negotiate an extended leave with your district? Where I used to work, you could take up to 2 full years off for ML and they'd have to hold a position for you.
I am a SAHM. I was a teacher as well and I honestly didn't like most aspects of the job. I'm also a person who needs a lot of downtime and I wasn't getting very much once I went back to work after ML, which I did for about a year. I found the combination of juggling my job, the kid, the house, etc. very stressful and exhausting. When I'd come home from work all I'd want to do is veg for a little while but obviously I still had to feed and bathe DS, play with him, get him down for the night. My H has a very demanding job and back then he was traveling a lot and not getting home most nights until after DS went to bed. Fortunately, he also makes a pretty nice income and I knew that my quitting wouldn't impact our lifestyle at all. He was strongly in favor of it (he had a SAHM growing up and he saw a benefit to it) so all of that made my decision to leave easier.
I've been surprised by how much I really enjoy SAH. I said this in another post down below but I really like the flexibility of being able to decide how we'll spend our days. I like being free to take care of certain errands and chores during the week so we have more time to spend as a family on the weekend. I like taking the kids to their activities and to places like the museum, library, zoo, etc. I like being available to volunteer at their school and to just spend time reading to them and doing things like puzzles with them. I genuinely enjoy doing this stuff with them. I'll definitely go back to some type of employment when the baby is in school full time (although it might not be paid) but for now I'm just trying to soak up this time I have with the kids while they are little and still want to spend time with me
I had the option to SAH or return, and decided to return. I like having the extra salary (even factoring in daycare costs), retirement, and my company has much better health insurance than my husband's.
I also live in an area where it is difficult to find a job in my field and I love my employer/coworkers. If I left, I would face the possibility of not being able to find another job for a long time or having to take a step back.
I also don't think I'd be a very good SAHM to be honest. The boys love their daycare and friends and I like what they're learning.
I like the idea of going back through the holidays, or even the end if the year as a trial, if you really want to. It's such a personal choice, and you are so blessed that you can follow your heart.
For me, the choice to SAH was a dream, but also necessary. My husband and I both traveled, I was out 1-2 weeks a month, and DH's travel is sporadic. He could call me this morning and be on a plane this afternoon. So, if we were both out, who'd be home with the kids at night? As far as the money, we're fortunate that we can afford our lifestyle on just DH's income. Plus, being at home and taking care of everything here allows my husband to take on more at work if he needs to without severely disrupting the balance.
I didn't necessarily love my job, but a lot of my identity and self worth was tied up in what I did and doing it well. When I transitioned to being at home, it's like I had to figure out who I really was again. That being said, I can't imagine anything being more valuable than the first few months at home when each of my kids were brand new.
I think I'll go back in a different, non-traveling capacity, when the kids are in school, and there are certainly days that I look forward to it. I've lost a bit of ground career wise, but oh well. The insurance market has sucked the last few years anyway. If I was working right now, I'd be beyond stressed out lol. I think about completely starting from scratch in another industry too. No one loves insurance, but it usually pays too well for people to really walk away.
I try to think of my life as a spectrum.. I want it "all" but I realized that for me, that doesn't mean all at the same time. This is the time to be at home with my munchkins and I'm so thankful I have that choice. Good luck!
It was a hard decision for me too, and my h was pushing for me to SAH. At the end of the day, I decided to go back to try it and I'm really happy with my choice. I work 3 days a week and I think its a really good balance. It seems like you have a good gig going, your hours are great, and you just might enjoy being in that environment again. I say give it a try and see how you feel. When I went back I said I would give it 3 months and then re-assess. Its been just over a month now and I'm confident I made the right choice. There are certainly days I question it, but over all the good outweighs the bad!
I chose to SAH. I did not love my job & I never really considered being a WOHM of an infant. The idea of leaving my baby at daycare/babysitter made me physically ill & I admit I was completely paranoid (may have been part of PPA). I tried to go back part time when DD1 was 18mo, after 2 days of daycare she got that disgusting green snot cold from a kid there & then her first EI from that cold. She never went back. I tried again 6yrs later & was fine leaving DD3 part time (she just turned 2). I've enjoyed working this last 1.5yrs...but I may stop again soon with baby 4 & my job sucking lately. I feel really lucky I'm able to work on my whims & based on what's best for my family at the time. Good luck to ya.
I think what may be making this so hard is how young your baby is. I was really lucky to have six months off and by the end of that, I was pretty certain SAH was not for me.
You can always go back and know that if it gets bad you can resign. All you can do is the best you can do--try and not put too much pressure on yourself. :-)
This is absolutely the reason I wish the US did maternity leave like Canada. I think so many more women would return to the workforce, etc. and have more options.
I am a SAHM and have been for 3 years. My "career" was not lucritive enough nor was it what I wanted to be doing and it was an easy choice for me. We sacrifice a lot financially and I am in school right now retraining for a new career.
When DS1 was 6 months old I felt the same as Jenny, I just didn't really have any options. But at that age I would have been fine to go back to work, and honestly I'm looking forward to it. I always thought I would be in love w/ being a SAHM - and while I do love my boys to death, I think I'm someone who needs to work outside the home. I plan to go back next year.
I chose to go back to work because I wasn't sure I was cut out to be a SAHM. I'm not a kid person. I'm starting to reconsider though, especially since I've changed jobs since then to something that isn't family friendly. It was easy to be a working mom when I had stable hours, close to home and daycare, no weekends/nights/overtime and family was just a few hours away. It's almost impossible now (see previous complaints about passing baby off in the parking lot) and I am reconsidering once we make up for some financial decisions we made based on us both continuing to work.
I have gotten a few veiled comments about not SAH from my family. I know my mom has a hard time with how to feel about it because she knows my personality and strengths are not what hers are or my sister who SAH but her family is really struggling financially. My grandmother just says she prays for us, which I appreciate and know not to take it as an insult or that she thinks I'm doing my kid wrong. But that she acknowledges it's not easy either way.
Good luck either way. The winter break may come at a good time for you. It will give you some time to recharge to be able to make it through the end of the school year. By the time next school year comes around, life with baby will change a lot and you may have a different outlook about continuing.
Prior to kid number 2 I could have stayed home with no problem. DH made plenty to cover our bills prior to our housing upgrade. Overall this is a really personal decision, but I had no regrets. I don't want to be home. While I am a capable parent and I love my kids all day parenting tears me down rather than builds me up. I am far less drained M-F then I am over the weekend.
The reality is that nothing will be truly easy and that NO you will not jump back in and be the worker you were. Thats OK for a period of time, but eventaully you'll get back to where you were, or you'll see that perhapes there are quicker simpler prep options, or you'll leave teaching to stay home or for another job. All are fine choices But all families juggle logistics -- this is not unique to working moms so I wouldn't let that alone be a concern.
I would love to reduce down to part time-this full time with two kids is for the birds. I would not stay home though. I would not be at my best if I was home with kids all day.
After paying for daycare for 2, it makes no sense for me to work (full time 9-5 like I am now). I will continue to do some contract work every now and then.
I was just looking around my office this morning thinking about how much I will miss this place.
I know that I will cry when I leave.
But, I know that I want to cry when I think about being away from both kids for thr very little amount of money I would be bringing home too.
I am giving myself a year to be at home and then I will probably look for work again.
I'm just not cut out to be a SAH. I'm sure I'll love my child when she's born (any day now kid), but I'd go BSC bring home by myself all day. I'd be "on" for about two hours, then I'd probably give in to TV while I cleaned the house or something. I'll be a better parent for working.
I'm also not cut out to be a SAHM. I had 14 weeks maternity leave since I had a c-section and my baby spent 9 weeks of that in the hospital (NICU and then went back to the Peds ward). When he was home, I was kinda lonely. Because B was such a tiny preemie, I couldn't go out with him and do all the things I planned to do on my maternity leave! So I was stuck in the house in the middle of summer... so not the maternity leave I was hoping for!
I had also been on 2 months of bedrest before B was born, so that may have factored into the boredom at home.
Being a working mom, I feel like I get the best of both worlds... the work/socializing during the day and I'm super excited to see B in the evenings. Plus he's totally flourished since he started daycare. I think they can provide more stimulation than I could all by myself.
I'm working part-time (realtor, no awesome Canadian mat leave) and I do like working. I think you should do a trial and see what happens - you won' tknow till you try!
I didn't read the replies (DS is about to wake up) so I apologize if I'm repeating what others have said. I chose to SAH for several reasons. First, I was never really "into" my job, it was just that (a job), not a career. We would have lost 2/3 of my salary to daycare. When I got PG, I was already tired of working long hours for a company who didn't care about me. We could manage on DH's salary, but it would be tight. We both decided that since we both wanted me to stay home with DS, we make it work. Money is tight pretty much all the time which SUCKS, as DINKs we went out to eat all the time, bought whatever we wanted, took vacations, etc...now all of that is no more. But I wouldn't trade it for the world. I have a good disposition for SAH apparently, I have never minded doing the same tasks over and over again (nurse, nap, play, nurse, nap, play...). And I love watching DS grow up and figure out the world. I completely understand how SAH isn't for some people though, but it is for me
I have no desire to be a SAHM. We could afford it, but we have too many goals we want to hit. A lot of it is monetary related and probably perceived as selfish-- but if fully funding retirement and contributing to DD's college fund is selfish, so be it.
That being said, I'd go crazy if I didn't have to work-- I would probably still put DD into daycare and volunteer if I truly didn't need to work.
I've been home for over a week and I'm glad I finally have internet because I am working from home. This I actually kinda really like- I was able to go grocery shopping earlier, and I can blast my music loudly.
I am currently a SAHM and I cannot wait to work, at least part-time. I crave adult interaction, time away from DS, and not having to be a cow every 2 hours.