Website history--does it just magically go away?

[flex]

Or does one have to erase the history?

[flex]

That's what I thought. I was gone for three hours and when I got home, my laptop had no history. I think my son erased it. I asked him if he did it and he denied it. *sigh*

[Deleted]

Probably just porn.

[flex]

I have no doubt it's porn, and I don't care if he viewed, but I hate that he lied to me.

[mamasaurus]

Nov 11, 2012 23:13:40 GMT -5 flex said:

That's what I thought. I was gone for three hours and when I got home, my laptop had no history. I think my son erased it. I asked him if he did it and he denied it. *sigh*

Suspicious!

[flex]

He's 26. Not a kid anymore.

[MWOS]

I'm 29 and I'd do pretty much anything to avoid discussing masturbation with my parents.

[mamasaurus]

Nov 11, 2012 23:21:41 GMT -5 MWOS said:

I'm 29 and I'd do pretty much anything to avoid discussing masturbation with my parents.

The best way to avoid discussing masturbation with your parents? Don't jerk off to porn on your mom's laptop.

[flex]

MWOS: No doubt. lol Well, I'm fairly certain he lied about something else this morning.
He and I are going to have a talk tomorrow. If he's lying to me about little things, how am I to know he's not lying about big things.

[MWOS]

That's entirely true, mama. ENTIRELY true. However, if I found myself in that situation, I'd fuckin lie my ass off.

[flex]

I have agreed to let him live here temporarily at least until the holidays are over, but this lying shit is going to cut his stay short if he doesn't knock it off.

The good thing is I'm not dealing with a lying BF or DH. It's just my kid, and I can hurt him. I can hurt him real baaaaad. lol

[Deleted]

Dude, unless there was something really important in the history, I couldn't be bothered to care. He's 26. I really don't expect my 26 year old to tell me all their secrets.

[Deleted]

Nov 11, 2012 23:28:25 GMT -5 RexManningDay said:

Oh, okay. The fact that he's living there totally changes my tune - I didn't know.

Before I had that info, I thought maybe you were trying to get it both ways - honesty about his computer habits because he's 26/treating him like he's a bit younger than that by calling him out on (what seem to be) little fibs.

But if he's under your roof, you absolutely shouldn't stand for that shit.

This changes nothing for me. Unless I was worried he was doing illegal shit under my roof, he's 26 and is entitled to some measure of privacy.

[flex]

Yeah, he buys his own food, and everything else he uses is mine. I don't mind if he uses my truck if he asks first, etc., and I most certainly don't expect him to ask me if it's okay to watch porn.

What's NOT okay is bald-faced lies. He's not working and he's telling me he's looking into public assistance to get his own place, but how do I know this? There's more to this story than what I'm sharing. I just wanted to be sure I understood the "website history" stuff so I don't sound like a raving lunatic mom.

[mamasaurus]

Nov 11, 2012 23:31:16 GMT -5 @habbsies said:

Nov 11, 2012 23:28:25 GMT -5 RexManningDay said:

Oh, okay. The fact that he's living there totally changes my tune - I didn't know.

Before I had that info, I thought maybe you were trying to get it both ways - honesty about his computer habits because he's 26/treating him like he's a bit younger than that by calling him out on (what seem to be) little fibs.

But if he's under your roof, you absolutely shouldn't stand for that shit.

This changes nothing for me. Unless I was worried he was doing illegal shit under my roof, he's 26 and is entitled to some measure of privacy.

If he is jerking off on his mom's laptop, his judgment is quite likely impaired. I know I'd have to be high off my ass to even think about it.

[statlerwaldorf]

Is he disabled or have custody of minor children? Most places have extremely long wait lists to get any type of housing assistance. Most of them only accept elderly, disabled, or families with children.

[Deleted]

If you're pissy with him for other reasons, I get that. If you're worried he's taking advantage of you, I get that too. But the answer to both of those is to set a time limit for how long he can stay, among other things not get pissed because he deleted all of your history in his bid to hide the fact that he was ogling naked chicks.

Also, one can ogle naked chicks without jerking off to them atm. So again, why does it matter? Is this what you want to waste your capital on?

If you don't think he's applying, make him show you the paperwork. Don't get hung up on whether or not he erased your computer history, unless whatever he erased is actually damaging in some way.

[dowagercountess]

What was the other lie?

[flex]

DC: he used my razor. whiskers all over that shit. When I asked him this morning, he denied it.

habbs: i see where you're coming from.

statler: Whether he's disabled is yet to be determined. He's bi-polar and had schizo episodes earlier this year. He says his medication makes it difficult to concentrate so he's not working right now. I believe he should be tested or something to see what he's capable of doing or go through some job rehab, perhaps?

[Deleted]

Okay so your son is generally assy about other people's property and that's the real problem here. Try talking to him about that instead of narrowly focusing on what time of coochie he's been staring at while surfing the department of labor website on the side lol.

Have you set out any expectations of him while he's at your home? Maybe if you did, you'd feel a little better or at least have a concrete reason to point at when you eventually toss his louse ass out on his ear.

[Deleted]

Well, I might take back the louse comments if he has certified issues. But I think you need to set up some ground rules instead of expecting him to know since he seems incapable of meeting any kind of standard on his own.

I wonder if you contacted the health department or DHS if they'd have some suggestions for you. He won't be able to work a decent job unless or until his mental health issues have been addressed. If he's willing to let you help him, fantastic. Then he must do what you say. If he isn't . . .



In short, I think the little things will irritate you less if you have evidence of his overall progress.

[flex]

Nov 11, 2012 23:47:44 GMT -5 @habbsies said:

Okay so your son is generally assy about other people's property and that's the real problem here. Try talking to him about that instead of narrowly focusing on what time of coochie he's been staring at while surfing the department of labor website on the side lol.

Have you set out any expectations of him while he's at your home? Maybe if you did, you'd feel a little better or at least have a concrete reason to point at when you eventually toss his louse ass out on his ear.

Oh absolutely I've set out expectations. He signed a contract. I guess I should have listed "no lying", but there is a proviso that if issues come up we'll sit down and talk about them.

I have not set a specific date he has to be out because of the assistance issue. I don't want him living on the streets.

And I hope you guys realize I am NOT focusing on the website history and that I'm following him around the house screaming. He denied it, I told him I didn't believe him without screaming or threatening or anything (that does little good), and he stomped downstairs and went to bed. **shrug** I've said my piece.

[Deleted]

Both my brother and my brother in law are/were similar to your son in many respects, mostly the being on the wrong side of 25 and a mooch on top. So I promise I'm very sympathetic here. But you have to accept that he's the only one here who can turn this around. You can help, you can lend support but ultimately, he needs to get off his ass. And if your bottom line isn't a true and bottom line, he will suck you dry and play off your unwillingness to turn him out.

You don't have to make a deadline today but for your own sanity and peace of mind, I'd look into some of these options and start thinking about what's reasonable or I swear, he will be there sandlot styles.

[dowagercountess]

Flexie, if he is bipolar and/or schizophrenic, he is not completely responsible for his behavior. Is he working with a psychiatrist?

[flex]

Nov 12, 2012 0:06:31 GMT -5 dowagercountess said:

Flexie, if he is bipolar and/or schizophrenic, he is not completely responsible for his behavior. Is he working with a psychiatrist?

He can't afford a psychiatrist on his own, so he's seeing one appointed through Health and Human Services. He also has a caseworker who is helping him.

[flex]

Nov 12, 2012 0:53:02 GMT -5 namasteak said:

Idk much about bipolar or schizophrenia but is the lying and difficulties with boundaries/other people's belongings a symptom of one of his disorders?

No, it's not really a symptom. It's more of Michael's personality. lol He was living with his brother, but it wasn't working out. Which is why he's living with me.

[flex]

Nov 12, 2012 0:05:45 GMT -5 @habbsies said:

Both my brother and my brother in law are/were similar to your son in many respects, mostly the being on the wrong side of 25 and a mooch on top. So I promise I'm very sympathetic here. But you have to accept that he's the only one here who can turn this around. You can help, you can lend support but ultimately, he needs to get off his ass. And if your bottom line isn't a true and bottom line, he will suck you dry and play off your unwillingness to turn him out.

You don't have to make a deadline today but for your own sanity and peace of mind, I'd look into some of these options and start thinking about what's reasonable or I swear, he will be there sandlot styles.

Oh believe me, I've given this a great deal of thought. If you knew me, you'd know I'm not easily taken advantage of. My sister has been playing off my mom's sympathies for years, and I swore I'd never allow my boys to do that. I don't think he's deliberately trying to take advantage, but he does need motivation, which I'm completely willing to give. lol