Had a fight with DH...and other musings...

[saywhatnow]

So DH and I had a fight tonight...pretty much him being mad that I say that taking care of the kids while he's out of town for days on end constitutes suffering on my part. I know I'm being dramatic but we have an 18 month old and a three year old and I work full time. It's a lot and it does suck a lot of the time when I'm doing it solo. I'm pissed he doesn't get it b/c he's never taken care of them by himself for more than a couple of hours.

Anywho, I'm half a bottle of wine in (healthy coping methody, right?). Anyone else drinking on a Monday night?

[Deleted]

:drink:

Sorry about the fight. Try to cut him a little slack though. He's not away at a celebrity poker tournament, right? My H has to travel for work every other week and it's draining on him. Maybe give him some alone time with the kids this weekend.

[vanillacourage]

Why has he never had to take care of them for more than a few hours? Sounds like a short trip away with some girlfriends is in order.

[grk2012]

Take some time for yourself! I SAH (well, for now--just got a PT job!) and DH travels for work; we only have ONE kid, and it's often overwhelming to be alone with him all the time. You need time to yourself; start taking it.

[raylongivens]

My DH travels a lot, too. We have one 3 year old and I'm 22 weeks pg. It is hard. I know the travel is hard on DH, but hard to feel too sorry for him when he's being wined and dined by vendors and I'm home with a sick kid.

Try to plan some time without the kids when he gets back. I find that even a dinner out with friends recharges me.

[saywhatnow]

I think what set it off tonight was that he told me he was going to use some airline miles to plan a trip to see a friend of his in San Antonio. I was like "you've taken so many 'guys weekend' trips and I have NEVER been gone overnight without you since the kids have been born. I then said he could go somewhere AFTER I've been somewhere". I was a bit irrartional...the wine is helping.

[Deleted]

No, that sounds like a legit argument. If he's been on 1 trip or more and you've been on 0, it's your turn.

[saywhatnow]

I think I'm just waiting for him to "get it" but I don't think he will. Maybe it's a guy thing. I know being on the road for work isn't glamorous but when he is at nice restaraunts or eating room service and I'm handling two screaming children and maybe getting down to spoonfuls of mac n cheese I don't see how his night wasn't much easier.

[pugz]

that argument is 100% legit. You need a break, and he needs to know what it's like to care for the kids 24/7 without you

[lindyanne]

After DH was left alone for what was even an 'easy' weekend with DS, he definitely was able to sympathize more. I don't even work (which might be better or worse with my crazy boy) and I hate when DH goes away.

[saywhatnow]

Nov 12, 2012 23:10:40 GMT -5 lindyanne said:

After DH was left alone for what was even an 'easy' weekend with DS, he definitely was able to sympathize more. I don't even work (which might be better or worse with my crazy boy) and I hate when DH goes away.

Ha! SAH moms amaze me. Maybe it's just the ages my kids are at but 24/7 is ROUGH. When I'm working I get some much needed adult time when no one is screaming "hold you!" or dumping yogurt on the dog.

[saywhatnow]

Nov 12, 2012 23:09:50 GMT -5 jenny1980 said:

Yeah, sorry, but unless his out of town trips are particularly brutal it's not as hard as working full time and taking care of two young kids by yourself. (Room service! Uninterrupted sleep! Hello!)

He needs to man up and let you take off for a fun weekend.

You know what, I don't think he'd say anything if I actually scheduled one. Problem is I don't have a lot of close girlfriends and the ones I do have are pregnant or also have young kids. My one hope is a college friend will most likely get married next year and she told me she wants to have her bachelorette in New Orleans. Our budget is a bit tight but I'll make the necessary cuts to have that trip happen :drink:

[lindyanne]

Nov 12, 2012 23:15:36 GMT -5 saywhatnow said:

Nov 12, 2012 23:09:50 GMT -5 jenny1980 said:

Yeah, sorry, but unless his out of town trips are particularly brutal it's not as hard as working full time and taking care of two young kids by yourself. (Room service! Uninterrupted sleep! Hello!)

He needs to man up and let you take off for a fun weekend.

You know what, I don't think he'd say anything if I actually scheduled one. Problem is I don't have a lot of close girlfriends and the ones I do have are pregnant or also have young kids. My one hope is a college friend will most likely get married next year and she told me she wants to have her bachelorette in New Orleans. Our budget is a bit tight but I'll make the necessary cuts to have that trip happen

It doesnt even have to be an all out girls trip to get away. I went to visit my sister who I don't see nearly enough for the weekend. We did end up going to Charleston but the time away was as good for DH & DS as it was for me.

[birdmom]

Had to laugh at "dumping yogurt on the dog." That just happened here. And I can commiserate with you. DH travels, I have a 21 month old and a 6 month old puppy. He has gone on guys weekends and has plenty of free time, but would go into panic mode and move his mom in for the weekend if I left.

ETA - I also work full time.

[hannamaren]

Nov 12, 2012 23:10:40 GMT -5 lindyanne said:

After DH was left alone for what was even an 'easy' weekend with DS, he definitely was able to sympathize more. I don't even work (which might be better or worse with my crazy boy) and I hate when DH goes away.

This.
My H definitely appreciates the work of looking after L after doing it for a whole weekend and not showering all day Saturday.

[anna7602]

Nov 13, 2012 4:10:59 GMT -5 @blessed said:

Nov 12, 2012 23:15:36 GMT -5 saywhatnow said:

You know what, I don't think he'd say anything if I actually scheduled one. Problem is I don't have a lot of close girlfriends and the ones I do have are pregnant or also have young kids. My one hope is a college friend will most likely get married next year and she told me she wants to have her bachelorette in New Orleans. Our budget is a bit tight but I'll make the necessary cuts to have that trip happen

You can also go somewhere alone. I don't know where you live, but a short road trip to a nearby city where you can go shopping, go for a run, go to a spa, stay in a hotel, etc I'm sure would be a nice weekend away.

This. There are loads of ways I can think of to fill 2 days on my own. I had a work trip this summer where I had to be at an event from 6-8 pm, with dinner afterwards. I took a 6am flight to get there, spent 8am-6pm wandering around on my own, did the work thing, and didn't fly back until 6pm the following evening.

It was such a very nice getaway and I was completely by myself for most of it.

[holly116]

I totally empathize! My husband travels pretty regularly and I'm at home with both kids for days on end a couple times a month. We've had the same fight - he wanted to use miles to go to an away college football game, um not happening. I haven't been away from the kids ever. I'm still nursing and my son refuses to take a bottle, so no weekend trips for me until next spring.

What's helped is getting away for an evening here and there. I have a group of girlfriends that gets together about once a month for "book club" but no one reads the book and we all drink wine.

Regarding wanting your husband to "get it", I feel you on that too. I have to say that my DH is doing much better now, but it was a bit of an uphill battle.

I find that if my husband is more in tune to the kids, appreciative of my struggles at home, and just overall more affectionate, I don't care as much about him wanting to tailgate an entire Saturday from time to time. So basically, if we communicate and are on same team (so easy to forget) everything is easier.

[princesscal]

I don't have kids so can't speak from experience, but I think you are right. 2 kids and working full time (or SAH) is exhausting - more so when you do it alone. PPs advice is great. Do it!! You deserve it!!!

[Willis Jackson]

Nov 12, 2012 23:01:38 GMT -5 saywhatnow said:

I think I'm just waiting for him to "get it" but I don't think he will. Maybe it's a guy thing. I know being on the road for work isn't glamorous but when he is at nice restaraunts or eating room service and I'm handling two screaming children and maybe getting down to spoonfuls of mac n cheese I don't see how his night wasn't much easier.

It's not a guy thing. You should definitely go away, then he'll get it.

When my DH travels for work, he always gives me the following weekend "off".

[Velvetshady]

Hell, go check into a nice, local hotel for a weekend. Turn off your cell phone. Read a book or two. Actually get a night of uninterrupted sleep. Eat meals someone else made.

He needs to be a full time parent for a couple of days.

[dr.girlfriend]

Yeah, I work and sometimes travel for work, and it's a freakin' vacation compared to staying home with even one kid. I think he needs to experience it to understand.

[ECB]

You aren't being irrational, and this isn't a "guy thing". It's a "he's never had to do it" thing.

So, yes. Go away. Even for just a night by yourself. Remove yourself entirely from the house and let him handle everything w/ the kids by himself for at least a full 24 hours. It WILL be an eye opener.

And I agree- his traveling for work doesn't compare to being at home alone w/ kids. I've done both and HE needs to cut YOU some slack. Not the other way around.

[M]

I was away for 4 weeks (5 days a week for 4 weeks) for work once. I ate out and drank every night. No stress that's any different from non traveling work. It's definitely not hard for your H to be away.

We don't have kids (dont' plan to) but we each have a sibling that was born when we were 15 and having to baby sit them after school everyday while doing homework was hard enough. I think you deserve to take a weekend away for every time your H goes away and leaves you alone with the kids.

[Deleted]

Or he can take the kids to San Antonio with him. You can stay home and sleep. You know, since they're "so easy"

But a big "hell no" to travel all the time for work and then planning a solo getaway for fun. You need a break.