Post by lurkergirl123 on Nov 13, 2012 10:34:18 GMT -5
We draw names among the kids. I have a lot of nieces and nephews. I have two kids, so I buy two gifts for two of the other kids in the family and my kids each get a gift from one of their cousins. This is the first year we're trying it, so I hope it works out.
I just said to my sisters, "I really feel like everyone can't afford to continue buying for everyone." My one sister was a little upset (she'd already started shopping...it was January), but the other was fine with it.
We draw names among the kids. I have a lot of nieces and nephews. I have two kids, so I buy two gifts for two of the other kids in the family and my kids each get a gift from one of their cousins. This is the first year we're trying it, so I hope it works out.
I just said to my sisters, "I really feel like everyone can't afford to continue buying for everyone." My one sister was a little upset (she'd already started shopping...it was January), but the other was fine with it.
We did a kid exchange with my extended family growing up (cousins). I always really liked it!!
I've tried the kids only idea for years, but no one bites.
I'm going to try again next year since we'll finally have our own kid.
We always get shafted either way, even the one year we said $20 max for adults b/c we were doing a family cruise and spent $$$ to take the kids on an excursion.
We do gifts for my sisters and my sister's husband currently. My other sister is single, once she's married we'll probably start to draw names or something. We talked about doing that this year, but decided against it since that still meant both couples would buy 2 gifts plus a gift for each other so it didn't really save anyone anything.
I assume once my sisters have kids, we'll buy for the kids and that's it. That's what my parents and their siblings have always done so I think that's the expectation (at least mine!)
For DH's family, we just buy gifts for my BIL's kids, not for BIL. We're not currently in touch with BIL anyway but we usually send his kids stuff regardless.
Honestly there has never been drama, we just have a rational discussion and decide what works for everyone. If someone didn't want to do gifts, I'd be fine with it. I think it is a nice tradition but silly anyway since like the OP, we usually buy anything we want in the price range people would spend (and so do the people we buy for!) so it is hard to get something cool that they wouldn't already have.
We have this struggle with DH's family. He has a cousin (who is broke by the way) who always wants to do individual gifts for everyone. He also wants to do gift preference lists. What's the point? You are basically shopping for yourself. We did this last year.
This year it's a much bigger group. So we are doing 1 Secret Santa gift, $50 limit.
Only when H, BIL, and I pointed out that as people with no family we were spending a fortune on gifts for them and their huge families and that we wouldn't and couldn't do it anymore.
This is how it used to go:
H and I would buy gifts for the parents (2) and one for each kid (3) then that family would turn around and give H and I one gift each. We were easily spending $100-150 on gifts for them while they spent maybe $40 on us.
And I know, I know it's not about tit for tat but with these people they kept it going because they benefited the most.
I didn't read all the responses but in my family we have almost 40 grandchildren. So we've had no choice but to exchange for one person.
The way we do it is by age. So all the kids 0-5 are in one group and they all draw a name, kids 5-9 do the same, all the way to 18+ singles and 18+ couples. That way the kids are involved also and they love picking out an item for their Secret Santa.
I think kid gifts are $25 and adults/couples are $50.
It's a lot of fun. We've been doing it this way for almost a decade now and it works great. You can tweak the ages so you have an even amount.
Post by dancingirl21 on Nov 13, 2012 11:58:16 GMT -5
We have 6 nieces/nephews to buy for. H has 3 other siblings with spouses and I have 2 siblings without spouses. We buy for all the nieces/nephews and draw names for the adults.
I decided this year we should all go out to dinner instead. (Still buying for nieces an nephews though)
This way we can enjoy each others company an not spend a bundle. All my siblings thought it was a good idea.
We've done this the last few years with DH's siblings. It's a good excuse to spend money on a nice dinner out (and it's rare that we go out together without FIL and MIL, so it's fun), but it's still cheaper than buying gifts for everyone.
I suggested a dinner as well, but with that I was told I had to pay for the entire thing sinec they could not afford an evening out..so that was a fail with the IL"s..
Post by Some Funny Name on Nov 13, 2012 14:14:50 GMT -5
We simply explained to all the adults in our family that we were going to focus our gift-giving funds on our 20+ nieces and nephews, and therefore would not have funds left for adults. Then we stopped buying gifts for the adults. There were a few years where some bought for us anyway, and it was kind of awkward, but they eventually stopped. I really don't like exchanging gifts (giving or receiving), so it's worked out wonderfully for us.
It was proposed by my Brother and SIL. They suggested we draw names so that each person only buys one gift.
The rest of us thought it was a great idea, and happily went along with it. We still buy gifts for the neices and nephews, and I think the plan is to do so until they hit 18, but that's some time off yet.
It has to be done very early. I think the suggestion was made in early October, and even with that, a couple people had to have the name drawing rigged because they had already picked up a Christmas gift for someone and needed that name in the drawing that year.
It also might have helped that my brother and sister were the ones in the family that had the tightest finances at the time (both in school full time, two kids...). Maybe. I'm not sure that really impacted in my family, because the discussion was along the lines of "let's try this", and the rest of us went "wow, that's a great idea! We should have done this years ago!".
Post by nonsenseabound on Nov 13, 2012 14:43:12 GMT -5
we can't do a gift exchange for either of our families. On my side it's just my sister and my niece. On DH's side it's his sister, BIL and their two kids. Plus parents on both sides.
What we do instead is buy the same amount for my sister as we spend on DH's sis/bil and same for my niece as DH's niece/nephew. Plus my sister has no money, but always works really hard to give us nice gifts.
Post by doctorsbaby on Nov 13, 2012 15:58:29 GMT -5
The year DD was born, we told everyone that we were only buying for those under 18 and stuck to it.
Christmas shopping had been stressing me out for years b/c we had 20 people in immediate family (both sides divorced/remarried) and it was so expensive even with small gifts for everyone. That year we just didn't have the money as I had been on mostly unpaid maternity leave for 4 months and I didn't have the time with a newish baby. We are now down to only my sister to buy for as she is the only one left under 18. I now *love* Christmas shopping again!
We draw names among the kids. I have a lot of nieces and nephews. I have two kids, so I buy two gifts for two of the other kids in the family and my kids each get a gift from one of their cousins. This is the first year we're trying it, so I hope it works out.
I just said to my sisters, "I really feel like everyone can't afford to continue buying for everyone." My one sister was a little upset (she'd already started shopping...it was January), but the other was fine with it.
This is exactly what we do on DH's side where there are 11 kids, including my own, between all of his nieces and nephews. His sister is actually the one who suggested it and she's the one with the most kids (4).
On my side, I only buy for my 3 nieces/nephews that I see at Christmas. I have 4 others that live out of state and that I don't see often. I've stopped buying for them a long time ago.
Post by SusanBAnthony on Nov 14, 2012 8:25:28 GMT -5
We used to have this horrible gift exchange with DH's step siblings who we often never see, even at the gift exchange. Thank god that stopped! It became a gift card exchange bc no one knows or cares about any of the people in the exchange.
Now we just give my niece a gift and mil and fil. Much better.
One year we gave gmil a 50$ sears gift card (her fav store, lol) and she gave us the exact same thing. Fail. Now she gets chocolate.