How did you stop exchanging gifts with everyone

[Balki.Bartokomous]

"We are not buying gifts for anyone this year. Please don't buy any for us."

Why can't you just buy gifts for the kids only?

[dexteroni]

Are you thinking of trying again?

Why did your sister freak out? Knowing her reasoning might help you get better suggestions about how to make it work this time. Maybe she thinks her kids will only get one gift each? My DH's family draws names, but the only ones who draw names are adults. Everyone buys for the kids. I believe their cutoff is post-college or whenever you start your first career job.

Are all of your other siblings on board? If so, you can just all agree that this is what you're doing this year and let your sister have her freakout on her own. I wouldn't include your side and your DH's side in the same name draw unless you all know each other well, just in case you were planning on doing that.

[awick14]

I decided this year we should all go out to dinner instead. (Still buying for nieces an nephews though)

This way we can enjoy each others company an not spend a bundle. All my siblings thought it was a good idea.

[Deleted]

It helps when all four siblings are broke. We all decided one year that we didn't have the money and everyone was cool with it. We're pretty laid back folk though.

[eb777888]

One year we said we weren't buying gifts anymore. I think it was right before we were married. We both have huge families (total, 12 siblings, 5 parents, 13 nieces/nephews). I think most people were relieved because it's such a burden on everyone. We usually do an ornament exchange, which is awesome. Everyone keeps their Christmas money.

[heygrey]

We moved across the country and told them we wouldn't be shipping gifts :-)

In your situation I wouldn't try to get everyone on board, I'd just set a new precident for yourself. The "we're only buying for the children, please don't buy for us" should be all they need. If sister freaks out, repeat yourself over and over. She can throw a fit but she can't force you to buy anything.

[M]

We were in college and broke when I first met H's huge family who made gift giving a requirement and left me disliking my favorite holiday after H got an ugly plain brown shirt from one cousin. Where's the thought in that?! So the next year, I suggested it to H. He liked the idea and we suggested it at Thanksgiving...thus began Secret Santa with a $50 requirement.

Some of his cousins dont' exactly play by the rules so we've been shafted a couple times haha and thus returned the favor the next year.

[Here]

My sister was the youngest (22 at the time) and felt she was going to miss out on gifts.

[Deleted]

I just made a rule. If I don't see you on Christmas day you don't get a present.

This is easy for me because I don't live near any family :-)

[chessie]

Nov 13, 2012 0:02:51 GMT -5 Balki.Bartokomous said:

"We are not buying gifts for anyone this year. Please don't buy any for us."

Why can't you just buy gifts for the kids only?

pretty much this.

I sent out an email months prior, we are not longer going to partake into the gift swap with the family, minus the kids. You can choose to give us gifts but will stopping the tradition here out since it has gotten crazy.

Pissed off lots of people, but it worked.

[Mrs.Syntax]

I have a small family (2 parents, a brother and a SIL) and I suggested a couple times that we give donations to charity in each others' names rather than buying presents. My parents are horrible gift-givers and my mom always complains that the holiday shopping stresses her out. We'd get stuff that was clearly purchased from Walgreens at 10 pm on Christmas Eve.

As to my suggestion, my dad didn't respond, my brother was like "eh, whatever" and my mom flipped out about breaking tradition and how that would be no fun. (This was before I even had kids.) Needless to say it was a total fail.

[carolinagirl831]

Elster... We draw names and have set limit. That way we only buy for one person and not everyone. Still makes it fun but not much $$ or pressure

[drloretta]

My mom took charge of it, so it was sort of a no-brainer. Not to mention both of my brothers were struggling financially.

We still get gifts for all the kids.

[pugz]

I can't remember who suggested it, but we were all getting tired of it. All of us make decent money and can buy our own stuff. All married with kids. We switched to gifts for kids only every year, and on the years we are all together we draw names for the adults using elfster. $50 limit.

My family is just doing gifts for kids only now...supposed to save money on adult gifts to go towards a family vacation. Now SIL is saying no gifts for their kids either...but I already bought stuff. So maybe next year no gifts at all.

[drloretta]

Nov 13, 2012 4:21:17 GMT -5 Here said:

My sister was the youngest (22 at the time) and felt she was going to miss out on gifts.

Well that's just stupid IMO. Why did everyone cave to the 22yo? Just say no. Or do homemade gifts, if that's your thing.

And I agree with the pp who said just put stuff at the lower price point down, even if you could just get it yourself. I have a ton of books on my Elfster list, all well under $25. If no one gets them for me, I'll buy them after the holidays.

[livinitup]

There is a good deal of pressure to come-up with 'good' gifts for everybody every year, its mostly a miss, and nobody can change anything.

[Deleted]

We simply told them we were not buying gifts for anyone.

DH's family used to draw names and they all decided that we should buy gifts that were around $80 per person. We were the only people who spent $80 per person, and in return we got something that looked like it cost $10 at the dollar store. I realize it's Christmas and I should be thankful for any gift, but after a few years of getting a cheap gift from the very same people who told us the price of our gifts should be around $80, I was a bit frustrated. Here I am making sure we set aside $160 to buy gifts for our two people and they couldn't even bother to wrap the $10 gifts they got us. I almost felt it was like a lottery to them, "yay! papiercherri drew my name and I KNOW she'll buy something good!" Yes, well, thanks for nothing. I actually tried to talk them down from the $80 but they wouldn't hear of it. It was more expensive for us to buy two $80 gifts than just sticking to what we always purchased.

[pamela]

I suggested it last year because 3 of the 4 of us were flat broke. (1 SAHM w/ a husband in school, 1 in the marines, 1 who just can't budget) Worked well. This year I suggested not doing gifts at all since we won't be together (and financial conditions haven't really improved). My mom freaked out, even though she's not involved in it, because she didn't like the precedent it was setting and Christmas is my brother's new wife's favorite holiday and it might make her feel left out. So we actually totally reverted and are now buying whatever you want for whoever you want. With the caveat of don't expect anything from anyone.

[bunnysmom]

Nov 13, 2012 0:02:51 GMT -5 Balki.Bartokomous said:

"We are not buying gifts for anyone this year. Please don't buy any for us."

Why can't you just buy gifts for the kids only?

This, but take into account that even being this direct people could still do whatever thay want and bring you a gift and expect one from you. It has happened in my family.

[Deleted]

I feel lucky--neither of our families are so big. We have done drawing names sometimes. And people always try to find nice gifts.

One of my sisters is super cheap in general, so it's mostly funny when her husband points out that she got something for free (but good presents--like she used CVS bucks or had coupons and got lipgloss for free) and she gets mad. We told her it counts that she did the work to find the free stuff.

[Deleted]

We have a small immediate family and we usually have to travel for Christmas, so we just do GCs. It's pretty dumb since we just exchange money, basically. lol.

I would love to give more meaningful gifts in the future, but I don't see that happening until we have our own house and stop traveling for the holidays.

[Deleted]

It helps to pitch these things early, as some go-getters start shopping early.

My family does it mostly to spend more on 1 gift vs. a little on lots of gifts. It doesn't fix the budget problem so much as the crappy gift problem. I'd rather give and get one $100 gift than 5 $20 gifts.

DH's family won't do it, but his family is smaller (2 unmarried brothers).

[rubytue]

We stopped the year SIL sent out an email saying they bought the kids a wii, which will come from Santa, and in lieu of gifts for the kids, please send a donation to the wii fund. Oh, and if you want to give the adults gifts, they will take cash, too.

I sat on it for 2 days to calm down, then replied saying to consider the gifts they were going to buy us our donation to their wii fund and we would still be sending small stuff to the kids do they don't think we forgot them. Haven't exchanged gifts with them since.

That all said, I love gifts and opening them. I come from a family that does small gifts for everyone, not just kids. I love it. Not bc I'm greedy (heck, half of the stuff is food or wine), but it's just what I'm use to. Maybe we are all still kids at heart. Or materialistic. Your choice lol I will say it really sucks to be sitting there at Christmas watching everyone else unwrap stuff and there isn't a single thing for you. Yes, that happened to me at the ILs one year. 4 years after we were married and after 18 years of knowing the family. Kids, adults, everyone but me.

[thedutchgirl]

I talked about how silly it was to buy gifts for people who can buy whatever they want for themselves. I pointed out how there are so many people who cannot afford a nice holiday and suggested donations in honor of people. My family is religious, but I am not, so I also talked about the true meaning of Christmas.

We still buy for my nieces.

[ellipses84]

It was a slow progression over time. At one point when most of the siblings were single someone suggested it and it was rejected. Once everyone was married with kids, the idea was more appealing, so we started drawing names for the adults, getting small stocking stuffers for everyone and getting the kid's gifts. My family's love language is gift giving, so this was a big deal! Due to financial situations like job losses and divorce, and everyone not being together at Christmas, we now just get presents for the kids.

For extended family, we do the kid's gifts and have white elephant type exchanges for the adults.

[jenn248]

Nov 13, 2012 0:19:48 GMT -5 awick14 said:

I decided this year we should all go out to dinner instead. (Still buying for nieces an nephews though)

This way we can enjoy each others company an not spend a bundle. All my siblings thought it was a good idea.

We've done this the last few years with DH's siblings. It's a good excuse to spend money on a nice dinner out (and it's rare that we go out together without FIL and MIL, so it's fun), but it's still cheaper than buying gifts for everyone.

[cjeanette]

Growing up my dad's SIL wanted to stop so she just told everyone they were not buying for anyone. So gifts stopped. Except to and from my grandma. She wasn't going to stop with gifts and all of us knew what xmas meant to her so we weren't stopping even if SIL thought decorations and presents were silly and wasteful.

[ECB]

To follow on what was said - I would jsut tell everyone "We're not buying for the adults this year. Please don't buy for us.".

But realize they may still buy for you. Smile and accept it. And then next year, say it again. NEXT year they might actually listen. And if they don't... oh well. That's on THEM.

Thta's the thing. YOU can choose to not do gifts. They can choose to still get you something. It's on YOU if you feel guilty about this and cave the following year!

[flygirl22]

We draw names on my side of the family (just the siblings + DH), parents are separate. It was either 5 crappy gifts, or 1 nice one, I think we started it when my older brother and I left for college. We usually all go in on a nice gift for my parents, and a few of my brothers live abroad/we travel so we always have souvineer type gifts.

DH's family does "dirty santa" with a $20 limit which a few people always blow through. I'm not a huge fan because it is really impersonal but, whatever. We also buy for the kids, usually about $50/kid (no kids on my side)

[jennistarr1]

Nov 13, 2012 9:28:54 GMT -5 rubytue said:

We stopped the year SIL sent out an email saying they bought the kids a wii, which will come from Santa, and in lieu of gifts for the kids, please send a donation to the wii fund. Oh, and if you want to give the adults gifts, they will take cash, too. I sat on it for 2 days to calm down, then replied saying to consider the gifts they were going to buy us our donation to their wii fund and we would still be sending small stuff to the kids do they don't think we forgot them. Haven't exchanged gifts with them since. That all said, I love gifts and opening them. I come from a family that does small gifts for everyone, not just kids. I love it. Not bc I'm greedy (heck, half of the stuff is food or wine), but it's just what I'm use to. Maybe we are all still kids at heart. Or materialistic. Your choice lol I will say it really sucks to be sitting there at Christmas watching everyone else unwrap stuff and there isn't a single thing for you. Yes, that happened to me at the ILs one year. 4 years after we were married and after 18 years of knowing the family. Kids, adults, everyone but me.

uugh, this reminds me of when my x-SIL sent us an email asking us to buy DS games for niece 2 so we did which prompted another email saying that we shouldn't give them to her xmas eve when we normally exchange gifts. Niece 1 has a DS that Niece 2 plays so I didn't see the big deal. Her solution (taking no responsiblity for the fact that the suggestion was idiotic) was to buy her more gifts and give those on xmas eve and to give her the ds games to come from santa. If you're curious, they both got said DS games for their bday and Santa looked dumb bringing a DS with no games