Please dont' feel stupid for being in the situation. It happens. I have a baby-sister who makes me look like the meekest, most compliant person on the planet. She's dynamic and always has spoken her mind and takes crap from no-one...and she still ended up in an abusive relationship. Hell, she still has some contact w/ her abusive ex. It's easy to think "why did that woman put up with this crap", but reality is more complicated than that, when you're there. Now that the scales are falling off your eyes, there's plenty of time to refuse to put up w/ crap from this point forward--just know that having put up w/ crap in the past is a very human thing to do.