Discuss: Children and Social Media

[doobeedoo]

I'd love to hear from parents and non-parents alike.
How old do you think a child should be before s/he has his/her own account on social media (facebook, twitter, instagram, etc.)?

And once s/he has an account(s), what guidelines would you put in place for usage? Would you / do you check their postings every day? Let them have complete privacy?

I will also weigh in in a reply, but since my kids are still youngish, I don't know for sure how I will react when the time comes.

[pamela]

I'm thinking by the time DS is there, it will likely be late elementary/early middle school, but with major restrictions and "mom always has complete access" rules in place. I could try to hold out, but I'm not sure what the benefit is if I'm controlling his access, who he friends/follows and what he posts.

[countthestars]

Instagram - 14, private settings, only people you know can follow you, mom or dad follows and can see everything (my little cousins are always swearing on theirs ew)

Facebook/Twitter - 15 or 16, private settings, only people you know can follow you, mom or dad follows and can see everything

[Chirp]

I think the legal-ese in current social media is that you have to be 13 to create an account.

I like to think I'd make DS follow the rules for that kind of stuff. We'll see where the rules are when he's older. But, yeah, he'd have to be at least the minimum age allowable for the site.

[Deleted]

I think it depends on the kid but I'm pretty sure most social media sites have a age restriction of 13. Although, there's really no real verification so an 11 year old could easily set up an account if they were savvy enough. Which, I think many are.

[pamela]

Nov 13, 2012 14:59:12 GMT -5 blissanity said:

I think it depends on the kid but I'm pretty sure most social media sites have a age restriction of 13. Although, there's really no real verification so an 11 year old could easily set up an account if they were savvy enough. Which, I think many are.

That is the age, but I figure that I'd rather be openly involved in my child's account rather than them sneaking and setting one up that I can't monitor because none of their friends are waiting.

[jigsy]

My sister is going through this with her SS. He is 16, and has been in a bit of trouble, but they decided to let him have a FB account, as long as she is his friend on it (His dad doesn't have an account). They figured at least this way, they will see what he is doing, if they said no, he would just make one anyways.

Can I just say, the stuff I see his friends post makes me weep for high schoolers. It also makes me so so so happy that I didn't have to deal with this stuff when I was in school.

[wannabe]

the teen had a myspace back in the day. i had access and checked now and then.

she has facebook, twitter, and instagram. all are private accounts.

[doobeedoo]

What I am seeing, IRL, is a lot of middle school kids (so, what 10-13 years old) with full and unrestricted social access. When they found out the parents were on facebook, they moved to twitter, when the parents found them there, they moved to instagram. I am sure there are other sites I am not even aware of.
My concern is that very, very young kids are using social to over-share information that could damage their reputations and harm them for years to come and even though my oldest is not quite 8, I am scared for what's in store.
On one hand, you can be the overly strict parent and risk them sneaking behind your back. On the other, you can be the overly lax parent who doesn't monitor at all. I wonder what the appropriate balance is.
As it stands now, I would not even consider letting my daughters have their own profiles/access until age 12 and only then under strict supervision. But maybe I am kidding myself that it will prevent the issues I see my friends struggle with.

[doobeedoo]

Nov 13, 2012 15:26:23 GMT -5 jigsy said:

My sister is going through this with her SS. He is 16, and has been in a bit of trouble, but they decided to let him have a FB account, as long as she is his friend on it (His dad doesn't have an account). They figured at least this way, they will see what he is doing, if they said no, he would just make one anyways.

Can I just say, the stuff I see his friends post makes me weep for high schoolers. It also makes me so so so happy that I didn't have to deal with this stuff when I was in school.

This times 100! I see tween girls posting overly sexual "selfies" online like it is totally normal, expected even. Twitter handles that are sexual or drug-oriented, or both. Curse words that makes me blush (and I swear--a LOT). Rate me posts (asking for followers to rate their looks on a scale of 1-10), borderline bullying, I could go on and on. Plus, the grammar/spelling. I also am so, so thankful that it did not exist when I was a kid.

[Deleted]

I have a 13 year old and won't let him sign up for any of those social media websites until he turns 16. If he wants to sneak around and get one, he better not get caught or he will be sorry. Even if you allow your kids access and add them as your friend they can still easily hide things from you or just create a different page without you knowing. I will finally let him get an email when he turns 14.

[cjeanette]

I think it very much depends on the kid.

I know my kids will be older than 13 since it seems most TOS require that. Beyond that I will cross that scary bridge when I get to it.

[agnes]

It really depends on the kid. I'd allow them to create an account at whatever age they were interested in it. I'd have full access to their account and maintain that it stay private for public until they were old enough to show they wouldn't be friending complete strangers. They'd get more and more privacy as they got older.

This is how it worked with little BIL and little SIL. They have full on privacy at 16 and 17. The the 17 year old recently restricted MIL's access. Which was actually a good thing, I think. No teenager wants her mom posting on her wall saying "Act like a lady, you shouldn't be using such language." lol

[isabel]

I don't like questions like this because my answer for my own children (when I have them) will completely depend on personality and level of trust.

My mom never once looked at my email/social media accounts. There were times I took advantage of that, but mainly she was right to trust me. My sister is a completely different story and my mom has tracked her social media usage like a hawk ever since my sister created an account. She just recently stopped and my sister is 19.

[isabel]

Nov 13, 2012 17:05:53 GMT -5 @songforyou said:

11, 12ish is fine with me. DS was 13. He's had privacy for the most part. I don't have FB, but he had to friend my best friend. She is a good substitute for me.

I like this. Almost seems more embarrassing to post something bad with your mom's friend knowing about than your actual mom. I'm kind of a do-gooder though and wouldn't have wanted my mom to be embarrassed by me.

[Deleted]

The last teen who lived in our house already had a FB account, but I had the password and we monitored it, mostly because she would say completely inappropriate things and we didn't allow that. We also had our computer set so that no social media sites could be accessed without our permission. If we have any other teens who we have not raised from infancy in the house it will be the same way. I'm not sure about DS. Hopefully we'll be able to raise him in a way that we can trust him, so we'll only need to monitor what he is exposed to. I'm sure he'll be quite tech savvy, but DH is too. I think we'll probably spend his entire childhood teaching him everything there is to know about computers and how to protect yourself on them. And I'll be the ignorant mom who is worthless with technology because I can't write code or build my own computer. (My dad already thinks this)

[Deleted]

My gut thought is that kids shouldn't have social media, cell phones, or other "grown up" freedoms until they are in high school, maybe even later for things like cell phones.

Realistically, the world is moving more and more toward these being a part of daily life and I find it unlikely that by the time I'd have a 13 year old kid (at least 14 years from now, probably longer given we're not trying to have kids....) this won't really be something to make a decision on. I think if I had a teenager right now I'd let him/her join a site like Facebook in 8th grade and I'd have to have access to it.

I don't want my kid to be the weird kid left behind because his/her parents are too strict and he/she is left out of socializing and being "normal". This isn't the world we grew up in anymore, it's a world where this stuff IS normal and keeping it from kids won't do them any favors.

Additionally, social media is becoming a big part of the workplace so really I think the better a kid's skills are when it comes to communicating online, the better equipped he/she will be for a career.

[MadamePresident]

I don't worry so much about the oversharing as much as the emotional drama FB allows. I work with a group of middle school girls at church and there was just so much FB drama. This one girl was upset because she friend requested a boy she liked and he didn't respond to her friend request, but she knew he had been online, since he commented on something.

[ellipses84]

14, but I will have full access to their accounts and passwords, make sure there is high privacy settings and have lots of discussions regarding the dangers of the Internet and consequences of social media. If they prove they are responsible, I would loosen the reigns in 11th grade.

I knows teens who have been busted by their parents when friends post pictures of them "partying" somewhere they shouldn't be.

[sillygoosegirl]

Non-parent here, but I started using what passed for social media at the time when I was 13 years old. I think if, as a parent, you want to know what your tween is up to on the internet, you'd better install key logging software, and also hope your tween is pretty dumb. Getting around parents wasn't hard when I was young, and I bet it's easier now.

I think that access to the internet from a young age is important. For me personally, it's why I got good at typing, and it's why (in addition to how) I learned programming. Frankly, I don't know how I would support myself as an adult if my parents hadn't let me have freedom on the internet as a teen.

When I was a kid, we taught kids not to get in the car with strangers, not to wear a name tag in a public place, and to hold hands while crossing the street or parking lot. These are things kids are capable of understanding before they are old enough to read/write/type/etc, and while the specifics are different, I think internet safety is not really that much harder for kids to understand.

Of course, the Internet will probably be completely different by the time I have kids old enough that they want to get on it...

[Shreddingbetty]

We got our nieces when they were 10 and 15 (they are now 13 and 18). Initially we didn't allow the older one to have FB but after things sort of settled down we told her she could have FB. She didn't seem interested (she was much more into texting). As it turns out she had a MySpace account (it wasn't under just her regular name she had something weird). The only reason we found out is because she was posting some bad stuff (name calling etc) on the friends page and her mom told us about it. I deleted it after she gave me her log in info. Eventually she did sign up for FB and she had to be friends with us. We also discussed about thinking twice about posting comments and pics as they could come back to haunt you later when you don't even think about it. The last couple of years she has pretty much had free reign of the Internet (it would just be blocked at night when she should be sleeping anyway) and since she turned 18 she can pretty much do whatever.....unless her grades drop or she isn't ready on time in the morning and then she will be restricted. We have talked to her about self control and needing to be responsible and so far we haven't had any problems. But she is also 18. She does not have Internet on her phone (that is something she will have to pay for herself and she doesn't have the money).

The 13 year old doesn't even have a cell phone (much to her dismay). She actually had one when she first came to live with us but it was a pay as you go and we didn't pay on it. She would text her little BF with I love yous and I miss yous. Not appropriate at 9 y/o and completely unnecessary. There is no need for her to have a phone at this point. She is always with someone that has a phone and we don't really feel like coughing up money for her to text. when she does have a phone her hours will be limited significantly (we did this with her sister as well, she came into our house doing 16000 texts per month) Her Internet access (time wise) is severely limited (TV as well) mostly because she would do nothing else and at this point when she is at home and she has no self control. She will not have FB until she is in HS (7th grade now) and only if she keeps her grades up and she would need to be friends with us. If we found out she got FB without our consent she would be in major trouble. She knows this, she has witnessed her sisters groundings. We don't necessarily monitor what she does on the Internet super closely but have some parental setting on her Internet that aren't super strict. We just want her to do something beside sitting in front of a screen all day long...like read a book and just learn to entertain herself without needing a TV or a computer. She was really upset when her sister got a laptop for her 18th birthday (never mind that she is 5 years older and will be going to college next year). She does have her own email through school. And I know that she watches a ton of TV at other people's houses and plays on their Internet. We have no control over that.

Most people think we are probably horribly mean but even her teachers agree that this isn't a bad thing and wished more parents were a little stricter. I think cell phones and social media really mess with people's social skills (and not too mention spelling). My oldest niece can text with the best of them but if she needs to talk to someone on the phone she is lost. She is getting better but still. When making plans (that involved us since we would need to drive her around) we have had to tell her to just pick up the phone and call the person rather than texting back and forth. You need to be able to communicate with people face to face or by talking on the phone and a lot of kids do not learn this because they are always texting instead. To say this is the case with everyone but overall I would say this is probably very true.

Anyway, I am sure this isn't a very popular opinion but oh well. They need to know these are privileges and not rights. When they are old enough to pay for their own phone service and laptops they can do what they want. In the mean time we try to instill responsibility in them by letting them have some access and talking about proper use. It has worked out well with the older one and she has become a pretty responsible person. We are hoping the little one will follow in her footsteps (she is a relatively immature 13 y/o) and will get more privileges as she shows responsibility.