So, counseling.

[malibu]

I am seeing a counselor the first week of January (coincidentally when flex spending starts over!). This entire year has been a giant clusterfuck. Bad news, stress, deaths, a difficult toddler, money issues, the miscarriage I had in February...it's really worn me down to almost rock bottom. My marriage is suffering and my entire life right now seems to be hinging on that damn promotion I still haven't heard if I've gotten yet. If for some reason I don't, I think I might lose it. It seems to be the last positive thing that gives me any hope, which sounds so dumb.

Anyways, Cymbalta isn't cutting it anymore. I am miserable and it seems no amount of medication is helping anymore. So, long story short, my PCP referred me to a counselor in the network so insurance would cover it. I went to one many years ago after I witnessed a horrific and gory suicide, but I could only afford three sessions at the time. I went to another one a couple years ago after my H got a DUI, but again, I only had a few sessions available under my insurance then, so I went and didn't get a good feel for the therapist. I really don't know how I am supposed to know that a therapist is the right one for me. I just want to feel normal again. Any thoughts on picking one and what qualities to look for?

[gault]

I just want to come in here to give you support and added strength. You have been through a lot, a LOT.

The first few sessions will be you giving the background and history. Honestly, you probably won't know if it's the perfect fit or not in that period, but you'll sure as hell know if they're not the right fit for you. You need to feel comfortable enough to cry as much as you want, to let it all out and not fear judgement. If you have a hint of something OTHER than openness and compassion, or at the very least neutral behavior, try another person.

Also, do a quick check for the therapist's specialty on your health insurance website. That should give you a better idea of who they typically see, what issues they deal with the most, etc.

I was lucky to get a good person on the first try; I hope it ends up being the same for you. You deserve to feel better, to feel healthy...to feel away from the brink of disaster all the time. Lots of hugs!

[fussbucket]

(((Malibu)))

In the past I've gotten referrals from my EAP, and there was someone who could point me to a therapist who was exprienced/qualified with the particular issue I was seeking help with.

I think just gauging, does this person seem professional and qualified? Are they kind, sensitive, and patient when it comes to listening to you? Do they encourage you to talk and give you plenty of time to gather your thoughts? Do you feel safe letting yourself become vulnerable with them? Do they have a location/hours available that are convenient and don't feel overly burdensome to you? Can they offer a sliding scale for sessions beyond what your insurance will cover (three is RIDICULOUS but sadly pretty typical)?

Personally I've always felt more comfortable with female practitioners, but YMMV.

Good luck with everything! I'm glad you're reaching out.

[maucat]

I usually advise people to call in advance to talk to the therapist and to ask questions. Things like their education, their therapeutic approach, etc. You can even tell them you're not sure what exactly to ask but that you want to make sure you're picking someone who's a good fit.

I'd say it's important that they respond in a timely manner, handle questions well, and be open to talking with you (IMO). To me, the most important part is how the conversation flows. In person, making sure they respect appointment times, have an office space you feel comfortable in, and that they make you feel comfortable and welcome. Hopefully they will also talk to you about the process of therapy. And be nonjudgmental.

When I'm a little less tired, I'll try to write a more thorough write-up. I really should've kept one of the posts I typed about this in the past.

I really hope you get someone good right away. You have been through so much, you deserve to start feeling better. ::hugs::

[Deleted]

Good luck, Malibu. I don't have any advice, but I hope it goes well for you.

[flamingeaux]

Good Luck Malibu. You've been through so much this year. I can barely imagine going through any of that stuff let alone having it all compound on top of each other. You're strong amazing person, and you deserve to be happy. ::Hugs::

[partiallysunny]

My comfort is always a big indicator to me if the therapist is "right". And how easy it is to talk to them.

You need to give it some time. My last therapist met those two requirements for me. He was very nice, gave good advice, and you could tell he cared, but he still wasn't a good fit for me. Sometimes I found myself rolling my eyes at him, lol. Took me a few months to realize he wasn't quite right.

Good luck. I hope this coming year is a much better one for you.

[luckyval]

You are clearly a fighter my dear.


I don't have any advice, just to say that I hope you can find the additional support you need
((hug))

[bullygirl979]

Malibu, you got great advice already and I will just say I agree with everything that has already been said. It may take a little while to see if it is a good fit. I liken finding a therapist to finding a friend or SO. It will take a bit of time to see if you "click". If you feel comfortable, find youself nodding in agreement or taking what they have to say and exploring it further on your own, then it is probably a good fit for you. Do you have any family/friends/current providers that could point you in a direction of someone to start with?

Hugs!!!

[gbck]

(hugs)
First, I'm sorry.
Then...do you have an EAP? because, in my (very limited) experience, they tend to have a good feel for finding good counselors--and they often also have counselors you can see (I have something like 6 sessions a year I could use w/ their social worker--who was actually very awesome)

[starrieskies]

Malibu, I have nothing to offer here that hasn't already been said, but I wanted to offer another hug. You are so strong to have been dealing with all of this!

[malibu]

Thanks, you guys. I feel like such a debbie downer (I hate that term!) posting sad stuff all the time. It's been a really rough year and I'm really starting to have trouble coping. I'm very good at putting on the happy face, and I just can't anymore.

I was figuring comfort level would be a top priority. I know it'll need to be someone I can cry in front of, something I have a very, very hard time with.

I think I would feel comfortable with a female counselor too, fuss. I'll probably try a woman first.

If I can ever get in to my HR person I'm going to ask if we have EAP and get some recs.

Again, thanks you guys.

[BettyBookWorm]

((((malibu))))