Issue re pregnancy and my workplace

[Deleted]

I don't know what to do in your situation but I really do wish you the best. I feel for you. That is a high bar pregnant or not. Yikes

[Deleted]

I don't think you should be annoyed by her being a rockstar, and I don't think you should compare yourself to her. That's never a productive exercise at a biglaw firm.

Also, I don't think that anyone can answer what you're supposed to do or say for you. The New York biglaw environment is a fairly unique one, so I don't think that advice about what would fly at a more family-supportive, touchy-feely kind of company is going to help. I think the main gist is to keep your head above water as best you can.

[winnied]

Do people in your office have families? Are they close with their families? I think frequently people understand that pregnancy and just family life in general is different for each person and requires different things.

[ohgillian]

This happened in my last workplace. But everyone knew that X was keeping crazy unrealistic hours, and her wacked-out, unhealthy performance wasn't turned into a precedent for future staff. I hope that's the case where you are.

[cilantro]

I'm sorry. Hopefully, you aren't the only person who has noticed she's sort of crazy about work and so no expectations will be set. We can't really know how we're going to feel as our pregnancies progress. As another attorney in Big Law, I've just decided not to worry about it and take it day by day, as unhelpful as that might be.

[ECB]

For now, I would assume (i.e. hope) that you aren't the only one who felt her performance was unrealstic.

but until this actually becomes an issue, I wouldn't worry about it. No one may say a word or expect more from you. But if it becomes apparent that they do, THEN ask for what you should say/do.

[pamela]

Did she step it up to crazy after being pregnant, or just continue on with the same level she was at before?

[genet313]

Nov 14, 2012 11:25:17 GMT -5 v said:

I don't think you should be annoyed by her being a rockstar, and I don't think you should compare yourself to her. That's never a productive exercise at a biglaw firm.

Also, I don't think that anyone can answer what you're supposed to do or say for you. The New York biglaw environment is a fairly unique one, so I don't think that advice about what would fly at a more family-supportive, touchy-feely kind of company is going to help. I think the main gist is to keep your head above water as best you can.

As a fellow NYC Biglaw-er, I second V. You can't compare yourself, you can only do your best at any stage of life. If you can't meet your norm, oh well. You're pregnant and limited.

Anyway, if your firm is anything like mine, I imagine most of the partners have wives/children. Even the a-holes. They get it. They may not like it, but they get it. At least a little. Good luck!

[noodleoo]

I think you have to accept you have no control over other people's expectations at this point. It is not an issue you can do anything about until/unless someone says something to you. For now, just try not to worry about it too much and cross that bridge it anything happens.

[anna7602]

Nov 14, 2012 11:25:27 GMT -5 winnied said:

Do people in your office have families? Are they close with their families? I think frequently people understand that pregnancy and just family life in general is different for each person and requires different things.

This has been completely irrelevant at DH's firm. In fact, he has had more problems with co-workers/partners who have young kids and claim they can do it all anyway than with co-workers/partners whose kids are grown up and out of the house already.

In any event, like other posters said, you can't worry about this now. Just take life as it comes. If you're put in a position where you don't feel like it's in the best interest of your baby (or your own) to pull an all-nighter or do whatever it is that is being asked/required of you, then put yourself first, not the firm or the client or the asswipe who is trying to make you feel like a terrible lawyer.

[midwest07]

Nov 14, 2012 11:25:29 GMT -5 ohgillian said:

This happened in my last workplace. But everyone knew that X was keeping crazy unrealistic hours, and her wacked-out, unhealthy performance wasn't turned into a precedent for future staff. I hope that's the case where you are.

This happened in my H's office. He isn't in biglaw, but he is in a large firm in the city where we are located. Anyway, the first female attorney (in forever?) to get pregnant worked a similar way to the person you are describing up to the birth, took maybe 3 days off, and then appeared to work from home like nothing happened before she came back to work. Other young attorneys were concerned they would be held to the same standard as she basically set the precedent.

Since then, two others have had babies and kept up normal/average work schedules while pregnant. One of them went on to become a partner in the same year she had the baby after taking a 3 month maternity leave.

My suggestion is to work like you have been as long as you can, and then slow down when needed. Take advantage of whatever leave you can and don't work then. Then come back to work ready to put your normal effort back into it. Honestly, I think what's most important is how you are when you come back, and not how you are while pregnant or when on leave. That is, show that you are still a dedicated employee when you return.

[h]

I don't think you need to do or say anything special now. Just announce your pregnancy and then take things day by day. Don't compare yourself to other people, and don't take on anything you really don't think you can handle.

On the other hand, I wouldn't necessarily assume that you won't be able to work at the same pace while pregnant that you worked at while not pregnant once you are in the second trimester and have some energy back. I mean, I don't think you should start pulling all nighters and billing 300 hours a month if you didn't do that before, but it you are a high biller, all-nighter pulling type than pregnancy may slow you down less than you think. I personally have not felt like pregnancy ever compromised my ability to work much (having an infant, OTOH, is another story entirely...). I had the three highest billing months of my ten years of practice when I was pregnant with my first kid. It sucked a whole lot at the time, but I managed.

[cilantro]

Not meaning to highjack your thread, but I am wondering what made you decide on waiting another month to announce. I have the NT scan coming up this Friday and was considering telling next week, but I'm curious if there are good reasons to wait a few more. Thanks.

[Deleted]

Team chloe77 and v.

[winnied]

Nov 14, 2012 11:28:11 GMT -5 cilantro said:

I'm sorry. Hopefully, you aren't the only person who has noticed she's sort of crazy about work and so no expectations will be set. We can't really know how we're going to feel as our pregnancies progress. As another attorney in Big Law, I've just decided not to worry about it and take it day by day, as unhelpful as that might be.

Oops! I missed that this was Big Law. No offense, but ignore my previous response.

[drloretta]

Ditto the others. Don't worry about this now. See how you feel during this pregnancy (you may have a long stretch of great days where this will be a moot point). Deal with it if/when it happens.

[isabel]

This seems like kind of a silly concern to me. Do you do over the top work now that you don't think you'll be able to continue doing well into your pregnancy? I think I'd probably continue to work as hard as I always do until I couldn't anymore. There shouldn't be much more of an explanation than pregnancy to ask for some extra help.

[mswax]

Not a lawyer, but as a professional, I put the same time/effort into my job when I was pregnant as when I wasn't. I'm guessing that your co-worker did the same.

My guess is no one will expect to do anything more than you already do at work, but they may ^o) if you do less. Hopefully, you'll still be able to do enough to do your job well.

For me, working while pregnant was NBD. Putting in extra hours after I had the kids was/is much harder.

[aspentosh]

Nov 14, 2012 11:25:27 GMT -5 winnied said:

Do people in your office have families? Are they close with their families? I think frequently people understand that pregnancy and just family life in general is different for each person and requires different things.

This was my thought as well.