WWYD MM Family Vacation Advice Needed

[papie]

I wouldn't go. You asked for it to not be between march and may, and they didn't listen. You just can't go. Tell them you love them, but it isn't a good time with your school and with your finances. Period.

[mbcdefg]

That quote from your parents is a load of horse shit. How dare they pull emotional blackmail like that.

I would just shrug and say, "Look, you asked us what would work and we told you, and you didn't listen. We're not putting our jobs in jeopardy over a trip."

It's their choice to either reschedule so it IS convenient for you, to keep their plans and just graciously accept that you can't go, or act like spoiled babies who have the nuts to make you feel bad for something out of your control.

If they're mad, then let them be mad. It's not your fault and it's not your problem.

[pugz]

yeah you told them what worked for you and they didn't give a fuck, don't go.

[Deleted]

Don't go. If you give in to their emotional manipulation they will pull it every time. Be strong.

[aspentosh]

I'm also in the "don't go" camp.

[Deleted]

I love to travel and imo, none of your points are compelling enough NOT to go so I don't think you should outline it in this manner to them. If you really do not want to go, then don't.

1. Your parents are super generous to cover the cruise costs. $2-3K for extras is A LOT. You can just go on their dream vacation/cruise without all of these extras. No one is making you guys have spa/salon activites or a nice dinner at a specialty, right? I'm sure you could put your foot down on these. You can priceline a hotel near the cruise port for less than half of the hotel they booked. Just ask them to pick you up on the way from their nice hotel. Can you submit the assignments earlier and forgo internet access?

2. You can put your foot down on Disney if you go on the cruise. 2 weeks at a time for a family vacay is too much imo. heck, 10 days at thanksgiving with them is a lot too!

3. You have an emergency fund, new car fund, travel fund, vacation fund, and investments. What exactly is the problem here? lol. I wouldn't write it off if you have the money but just don't want to exceed a set number on paper.

4. I actually heard that Disney cruises have really good service and food, even for those without kids.

[dexteroni]

Nov 14, 2012 12:28:39 GMT -5 mbcdefg said:

I would just shrug and say, "Look, you asked us what would work and we told you, and you didn't listen. We're not putting our jobs in jeopardy over a trip."

This, except I think this plan puts the OP's education in jeopardy, not her job.

And I might even go so far as to add "So really, YOU are the ones who are excluding US. If you want us to be there, you'll choose a time when we can go. We've already told you when those are, so the ball is in your court." I realize that in some families that would only make things worse. But it's true.

[Deleted]

oh yeah, I think the school/midterms issue is a legitimate reason for not going. I would stick with that when you explain to them.

[moolarkey]

Mom, Dad - if YOU loved US you wouldn't have scheduled this trip for a time we can't go and plan something we really can't afford right now. We hope you have a lot of fun, we'll be excited to hear about it when you get back.

Don't give in to blackmail.

[takeonyou]

That's messed up of them. They are being incredibly selfish and rude. I wouldn't care how mad they are, use the PP's line and move on.

[ddi741]

No way in hell would I spend 14 days with anyone but my H on vacation. If you opt to go, I would either do the cruise or Disney but not both.

I wouldn't go because it interferes wth your schooling and just leave it at that, if they choose to reschedule again and it is in your available time frame then you can go.

Was budget discussed when the trip planning was started? We do a lot of group trips with friends and budget is always the first thing discussed before we look at locations and dates.

[Deleted]

Nov 14, 2012 12:47:56 GMT -5 dexteroni said:

Nov 14, 2012 12:28:39 GMT -5 mbcdefg said:

I would just shrug and say, "Look, you asked us what would work and we told you, and you didn't listen. We're not putting our jobs in jeopardy over a trip."

This, except I think this plan puts the OP's education in jeopardy, not her job.

And I might even go so far as to add "So really, YOU are the ones who are excluding US. If you want us to be there, you'll choose a time when we can go. We've already told you when those are, so the ball is in your court." I realize that in some families that would only make things worse. But it's true.

I'm with this. If THEY loved YOU and cared about YOU then they would have listened to the "we can't go during these dates or to these places"

So all you need is "if you really loved us you would have planned to include us"

The other reasons, while I agree, don't even need to come up right now. (eta, or ever, those are none of their business). You're perfectly reasonable to stick with your original "must not do/go" information they asked for and you have provided.

[noodleoo]

Um, seriously? You are trying to tell your parents you can't take a vacation because you are in school and their response was anything other than "of course we understand, school takes precedence". Your parents are being jerks. Just tell them you can't go because you can't jeopardize your masters degree. They better freaking understand. If not, you are officially more mature than your parents.

[chessie]

Just be honest. Tell them before thanksgiving, if its that bad don't spend 10 days with them, come back early and enjoy a quiet dinner and enjoy your time off with your H.

[kellbell191]

I wouldn't go simply because your parents are being unfair and manipulative. I think the midterms are enough of an excuse.

However, I think your outlined excuses are kind of unfair. Yes, the trip is an inconvenience in terms of time and money. That's how these things go a lot of the time. However, you are not in a position where you would lose your job or really damage your financial situation. Sometimes an inconvenience is worth making people you love happy. Personally, my parents have sacrificed a lot for me, I would spend two weeks and $2,000 with my Dad if it made him happy.

[martygras]

I went through almost this same scenario last year (in two grad classes, working full time and my parents pulled the YOU NEED TO GO ON A FAMILY CRUISE card for my dad's 65th birthday) and while it sucked working it out with all of my professors, I was able to work ahead and not be doing work the whole time on the trip.

My family did make it a crazy emotional manipulation mess and scheduled during a time when I had two dates of class I would be missing but I realized how much it meant to my family and just made it work. I submitted both of my assignments due that week ahead of time and just saved the reading for the boat. I also brought my laptop so I was able to write papers on the ship and didn't have to use the ship's wi-fi.

We also did Royal Caribbean for our cruise and with DH and I drinking a LOT to deal with my crazy family, an excursion, a spa service for DH and a couple of yoga classes for me it was only like $1100 for the two of us for the week. I can't imagine Disney being much more than that.

Personally, I'd weigh out the cost/benefit to going on the trip for family things against all the negatives you've posted and go from there. For me it was worth it to go and bond with my siblings and it actually all worked out in the end.

[ECB]

Nov 14, 2012 12:51:53 GMT -5 moolarkey said:

Mom, Dad - if YOU loved US you wouldn't have scheduled this trip for a time we can't go and plan something we really can't afford right now. We hope you have a lot of fun, we'll be excited to hear about it when you get back.

Don't give in to blackmail.

SEriously - this. Throw their blackmail right back at them. They asked for dealbreakers. you gave them dealbreakers. Then they specifically planned the trip that included TWO of your dealbreakers!

Your parents sound like a$$es.

[vanillacourage]

I wouldn't go, if for no other reason than not wanting to set a precedent. F that.

[jennistarr1]

your first 3 reasons would be a concern no matter what they picked for the vacation, so you should have been up front about that. I mean a different vacation might have alleviated some of the money/timing but not altogether. I would suppose you parents didn't mean to burden you with extra expenses and lost time, but thought that giving it adequate forewarning, you could prepare.

The last one, I feel ya, you didn't think to mention "not a kids vacay" but a different option would have left the family with kids saying "there isn't much for us to do". My sister went on one for her honeymoon and enjoyed it. I would try and go with the flow on this one.

But if you can't do it, you can't do it, your parents can not equate that with love.

[drloretta]

Weird. Why are your parents pushing for a family GTG for their *anniversary*? For my parents' 40th anniversary, they planned to drive up the CA coast. Without any of their family.

While some may debate the validity of your reasoning, I can see that you're more or less preparing yourself to be ambushed and/or guilted into doing a bunch of stuff while you're on this trip with them, which will add to the stress that you'll already be feeling.

And the emotional manipulation is ridiculous.

I know my mom *loves* to have her family around her, and we've had to get together under less than ideal circumstances. But on more than one occasion simply said, "We can't make it" and left it at that. Not surprisingly, they lived with it just fine.