I'm really sad and I shouldn't be.

[glitzyglow]

No flames from me. This stuff is hard. Lots of love to you today.

[Deleted]

I totally understand that this would be super hard. But I think it's important to recognize that this relationship he is in isn't a healthy one. And you deserve to be in a relationship with someone who is healthy.

[achase123]

I would definitely not flame this or even give you a hand slap. I understand where you're coming from, you feel like he's moving on so easily and, gosh, if they're displaying their love so openly on FB it MUST be real, right?!

I deal with similar feelings with XH. I know that his relationship is nothing like what I would want, but it still feels strange to think that someone as horrible as him could move on with their life and find someone before me. Even though it's not a contest it just feels wrong.

HUGS to you, you're entitled to how you feel.

[jojoandleo]

I completely understand, but just remember, your therapist warned you about this. People who are codependent tend to jump into relationships very quickly and they are NOT healthy and they do not work out in the long run. It is much better to be happy and healthy with YOURSELF FIRST, then get in a relationship.

I think you are more mourning the fact that you wanted him to get help and he didn't and now you feel he has gotten the help and someone else gets the benefit. However, he obviously is not mentally healthy if he is "in love" after 2 months of dating.

[starburst604]

Nov 15, 2012 12:37:29 GMT -5 mp said:

Nov 15, 2012 12:33:05 GMT -5 jojoandleo said:

I completely understand, but just remember, your therapist warned you about this. People who are codependent tend to jump into relationships very quickly and they are NOT healthy and they do not work out in the long run. It is much better to be happy and healthy with YOURSELF FIRST, then get in a relationship.

I think you are more mourning the fact that you wanted him to get help and he didn't and now you feel he has gotten the help and someone else gets the benefit. However, he obviously is not mentally healthy if he is "in love" after 2 months of dating.

This is pretty much exactly what it is. For 11 years I carried the emotional weight of the relationship. He wouldn't get help. Then he does - and boom, he's gone and I'm still picking up the pieces and working through how it affected me. ::sigh::

Awww, I totally get why you're sad, no flames. I can't offer much wisdom other than what PP's have said. He is likely still very troubled and eventually this will become clear to his new gf. You know he isn't going to magically cured by "love". It's sad really, for both of them because he will likely repeat this cycle over and over.

[roselis]

I understand. I had the same feelings this past weekend.
XH has been in a relationship essentially before we ended things and now lives with her, while I am still single. It's hard. But I know that in the end, I am better off without him.

[achase123]

This post reminded me of this hilarious e-card one of my friends sent me! She was referring to XH getting engaged:

[strongside2012]

Hugs to you. My mom told me when I left that usually the crappy husbands have zero problem moving on quickly. Someone sent me this after my STBXH started posting things about hanging out and partying with the same girl I caught him with before we separated. I'm glad to be done with him but it still hurts.

[bullygirl979]

Nov 15, 2012 12:41:21 GMT -5 starburst604 said:

Nov 15, 2012 12:37:29 GMT -5 mp said:

This is pretty much exactly what it is. For 11 years I carried the emotional weight of the relationship. He wouldn't get help. Then he does - and boom, he's gone and I'm still picking up the pieces and working through how it affected me. ::sigh::

Awww, I totally get why you're sad, no flames. I can't offer much wisdom other than what PP's have said. He is likely still very troubled and eventually this will become clear to his new gf. You know he isn't going to magically cured by "love". It's sad really, for both of them because he will likely repeat this cycle over and over.

All of this. MP, I felt the same way before. It is easy to rationally know why they are doing it but convincing the emotional side of you is much, much harder.

Big hugs, no flames.

[emma245]

Nov 15, 2012 12:28:47 GMT -5 achase123 said:

I would definitely not flame this or even give you a hand slap. I understand where you're coming from, you feel like he's moving on so easily and, gosh, if they're displaying their love so openly on FB it MUST be real, right?!

I deal with similar feelings with XH. I know that his relationship is nothing like what I would want, but it still feels strange to think that someone as horrible as him could move on with their life and find someone before me. Even though it's not a contest it just feels wrong.

HUGS to you, you're entitled to how you feel.

I totally agree with AChase and I dealt with this in therapy ALOT as EXH is now on his 2nd engagement after me. During his 1st engagement after our split, I honestly did feel quite devastated knowing he found someone to share a life with.

Even though I knew they were messed up relationships, I still wondered how someone messed up could find someone and I couldnt. My therapist explained that people who cant really connect to people on a deep level (EXH was a narcissist) are able to find these "shallow" type relationships to move on and they really are just like placeholders in essence.

Try not to focus on what he has and instead what you WANT. You arent in that relationship for a reason and there are better things out there for you Trust me!

[leslieknope]

I'm so sorry you are feeling down. I experienced something very similar with my XH. It is difficult. I definitely felt like his moving on so soon was like an "eff you" to our marriage and somehow took away from the importance or meaning of it. Ya know? I had to realize, and continue to remind myself, that a relationship so soon after a separation/divorce is not a healthy relationship and had nothing to do with me, but everything to do with XH's neediness and low self esteem. Also, please stop checking in on him via FB. Don't do that to yourself. I have found that it makes the pain worse and makes it more difficulty to move on. ((BIG HUGS))

[oracle]

:Hugs: I know it's very hard to see, but you are clearly the one who is living the better life--you sound like you have a great head on your shoulders and you are emotionally stable. When you do find someone, your relationship will be the one to last because you are emotionally strong enough for it

[aliciar6]

I wish i could reach through the board and give you a hug.

[doriswe]

Totally tardy to the party, but I totally agree with everything everyone has said. Bully and I have had lengthy conversations about this since we've both been there. While my XH has definately moved on, he has not taken any time to work through/own his part in the demise of our marriage. Andplusalso, the girl he's with isn't getting the best him...she's getting the version of him he plays the best. Me, on the other hand, am working on being the best me I can be so when I do find myself in a relationship, I've worked out all my kinks. I also know that it is much better to be alone and true to yourself than in a relationship for the sake of not being alone!

[BookLover]

I see nothing wrong with how you're feeling. You have every right to be upset. He has issues. Your therapist is so right, he is needy and codependent. My ex, from the time he was told I was moving out, he started looking for new girlfriends within ten minutes. He always had to have a girl around him. He had already had 2-3 flings by the time I had to see him again 4 months later. He treats girls like crap however. I felt sorry for the girls he was with.

Your ex will never really be happy and will keep looking around to feel a void. You are working on yourself and you know what is healthy and what a true relationship means. He may be in a "serious" relationship, but it isn't healthy.

[Deleted]

OK so he is in a "relationship". You know better than anyone that this new love wont last very long. How long do you think she is going to be his scale...you know to balance things? How long before she becmes sick of his crap?
It hurts because you still have so picture in your mind that isnt really reality but still a little bit of delusion.
I agree maybe it is time you cut things off a lot with him.
Please talk to your therapist about it, it think it would be a really healthy thing to do.