Xmas list and a vent

[larzhope]

so my mom is really really sweet, but her worst nightmare would be to just be sent to the store and pick out something she thinks I/H would like - that's just not her MO.

So every year we get in a fight because she spends (IMO) an excessive amount of money on her grown children (we're talking $500+) for xmas presents and now treats H as "one of the children" so their Christmas costs have essentially increased by 50% since we got married.

She wants to shop off a list to get exactly what we want, which is awkward because we have money to buy what we want/need(which we typically do).

it's a huge PITA to not shop for ourselves for the months leading up to xmas so that my mom has something to get us, esp knowing we can afford to buy it for ourselves much more than she can.

When I suggested that maybe we cut back on xmas presents this year since my dad is retiring in December she got angry and told me not to tell her how to spend their money.

The conversation ended badly since I told her we buy what we want for ourselves so we really don't have anything to put on a list.

any ideas?

[Deleted]

Hrm. :/ That's really hard, but while I know you don't want her spending that much on you, I guess it makes her really happy so there's nothing you can do about it. Does she live close to you at all? If she does, then I would suggest you would like some "experience" gifts...like maybe mother/daughter spa trip, etc.

Otherwise....give her a small list for the both of you, keep it a bit truncated so that even if she bought everything on the list, it would be at a dollar amount you'd be happier with her spending, some sort of compromise like $250 for the both of you?

[Deleted]

Would you want to go on vacation with your parents? One year my parents did a 3 week family vacation for the 4 of us, over Christmas, to Vietnam and S. Korea. They paid air, hotel, food, etc, but we paid our own souvenirs.

After we got back we made them a photo book of a lot of our vacation pictures.

[FrozenSunshine]

My parents started doing this when I moved out of state. We finally agreed with them to meet them in Vegas in February. It's not stressful with the holiday and it's usually damn cold where they are and are looking to get out.

[amandasw]

it makes her happy, so I would just get over it This is how my MIL is and I just don't want to waste energy on it. It makes her happy to buy us things even though they don't have a lot of money. I did NOT grow up getting $$ presents and we always did thoughtful things that were a surprise. Now, I basically do just give H a list to give to his mom because it's not worth arguing over and/or getting random things that we don't want.

[jennlin]

my parents borrow $100 from me so they can give $100 to h for christmas. i'm not supposed to tell him, but he knows.

i would go with what LL suggests...activity things sound good..sports games, etc.

[jennlin]

Nov 26, 2012 16:03:10 GMT -5 @lauralynne said:

OR.... we could each make a list and you can send US the gifts...

Kidding.

I'm sorry you're in such a tough position!

LL's new idea is better. i vote this.

[larzhope]

Thanks for the input guys. She lives in Michigan and hardly ever comes out to visit (maybe 1x year) despite not working because she's worried about money. We've been asking for years that they take what we spend and all go on vacation together but they've never been up for that.

She has resigned herself to given us gift cards the last few years (though last year she just wrote us a check) but she would prefer not to do that. Right now my list consists of a sweater from LOFT, and hair ties. H has socks and undershirts on his list. we are REALLY exciting people over here

I think I'll do a combo of IK's and LL's (first) ideas - some gift cards, some "stuff", just a smaller amount.

Thanks ladies!

[hallows]

My mom is the same way. I just give her a list of general things we want/need and let her worry about the specifics. I told her a few years ago, just before H and I were married, that she didn't have to do gifts or as much for us anymore, but she said that's what makes Christmas for her, so I let it go.

[sarack]

i'd totally just go onto nordstrom.com and just look at stuff and say, oh this is nice, link added.. oh i would look cute in that, link added.

i like doing this too though, i wish more people would ask me exactly what i wanted because i'd be so happy to tell them. we do buy everything for ourselves too but i'm always down to let you know what i want. i might be a jerk but i feel guilty when i receive things i know i won't use...

[picksthemusic]

We do lists for DH's family. It was weird at first for me, but I just try to think of things that I wouldn't normally get for myself.

Like... a GC for spa services, movies, makeup brushes, or whatever. Are there Kitchen Aid attachments you want? Is there a good lotion/perfume that you want? I'd just give her little/low priced gifts and only put a few on your list, that way she's forced to only spend a little bit of money on you. I'd tell your H to do the same thing.