Wedding etiquette question

[bowies]

FI was only planning on inviting his aunts/uncles and cousins who are young enough to still be living at home. He's not remotely close with any of his grown cousins, so he doesn't anticipate any hurt feelings or anything.

However, his mom called over the weekend and informed him that one of his grown cousins has moved back home with his parents. FI does NOT like this particular cousin and his presence could add another layer of drama since he's really not in anyone's good graces. Do we still need to include him on the wedding invite?

[Muddled]

I don't think you have to invite anyone you don't want to, but I think most people might disagree with me. If you don't invite him, I could expect to hear about it in one way or another. Expect to respond to aunt if she RSVPs for him on her invite.

[Deleted]

Are you inviting any other cousins from this particular family? Or just the aunt/uncle? I'm with Muddled in that you don't have to invite anyone you don't want to, but if you invite another cousin with the same circumstance (living at home) that lives in the house with this same cousin, you better be prepared for this situation to get hairy.

[cuddlyevil]

You shouldn't have to invite anyone you don't want to. However, you will need to be prepared for people to tell you that you're being jerkfaces for excluding said cousin (not that you are).

[Muddled]

We didn't invite any cousins, FWIW. One person mentioned to my mom that she thought her son's invite had gotten lost in the mail. This was a person who did not invite me to his wedding as far as I know, so I let it roll right off my back.

[bowies]

There aren't any other cousins under that particular uncle/aunt's roof. They have another son, but he's in the military and appears to have his shit together.

[fussbucket]

I think yes unless he's on the outs with his own parents. I'd have FI be sure to tell aunt/uncle to discreetly let cousin know he really doesn't have to attend his stupid cousin's boring wedding if he doesn't want to.

[cuddlyevil]

We didn't invite all of DH's cousins, we only invited some of the ones he is close to. We invited all of mine, but there aren't that many and they're reasonably normal as families go.

Our main drama came from trying to figure out the seating for step-parents.

[partiallysunny]

Do what you want, but be prepared for hurt feelings.

It doesn't matter what you do, someone will always feel left out. So invite who you want and to Hell with the others.

[Deleted]

I think a lot of this depends on size of the wedding and age of the other cousins who you are inviting. If the rest of the cousins who are coming are young enough that their parents would need to get childcare for them to attend, then an adult child is an entirely different matter. If you're inviting others who are this cousin's age who happen to still live at home, it will be painfully obvious that you're intentionally excluding him.

That said, if you don't want him there don't invite him. You don't HAVE it invite anyone. You just have to be ready to hear others' opinions.

[bowies]

Alright, cool, we're not inviting him. It's a small wedding and the only cousins on the invite list are in 5th and 3rd grades.

Honestly, I don't think anyone will complain if he's not there. Harsh, but there it is.

[Deleted]

Nov 26, 2012 15:04:36 GMT -5 bowies said:

Alright, cool, we're not inviting him. It's a small wedding and the only cousins on the invite list are in 5th and 3rd grades.

There you go. He's a grown man, he can feed himself for the night his parents are gone. The 10 year olds can't manage that.

[ECB]

I know your made your choice - all I wanted to say is no, you don't "have" to. You jsut have to be prepared to deal w/ his parents being upset. If you're cool w/ that, then proceed!