Deployment sex pacts?

[ggirl]

I'm posting from my phone so I hope this link works. spousebuzz.com/blog/2012/11/deployment-sex-pacts-are-a-myth.html?ESRC=family.nl


Apparently some columnist thinks we need sex pacts to survive our marriages? News to me!

Edited to change title

[basilosaurus]

Sure, I know military couples in open relationships, but it's nothing to do with deployment specifically.

[ggirl]

Ok, so I re-read the other article and she doesn't agree with it, but supposedly has known military couples who do a deployment sex pact. Not just open marriages, but agreements about what is acceptable when you're apart. Has anyone heard of this?

That's what I get for reading quickly and drinking wine at the same time. Fail.

[verycontrary247]

I've heard of this, but never known anyone who did it personally. That's probably not something they tell everyone.

[kpol]

I just heard someone refer to this assignment, and other NCS assignments as TDY- "Temporary Divorced Year" 8-D

[brandienee]

I've never heard of this, but I guess I have to hang out with Mil Spouses IRL to hear something like this. :/

[Dory1988]

Every time I think I've heard everything something new pops up.

[VillainV]

This really pissed me off. And my husband when he read it. Never mind that sex with anyone other than your spouse is a UCMJ violation, or that sexual relations in the deployed environment (with anyone other than your also-deployed spouse in special family quarters) is a violation of General Order 1.

[iluvmytxrgr]

Nov 28, 2012 2:03:44 GMT -5 VillainV said:

This really pissed me off. And my husband when he read it. Never mind that sex with anyone other than your spouse is a UCMJ violation, or that sexual relations in the deployed environment (with anyone other than your also-deployed spouse in special family quarters) is a violation of General Order 1.

This.
I've only known one couple to do this but they were in a contractual marriage in the first place. It's hard for me to count them as an actual marriage knowing the situation and all the crap they did. This was also back in 2004, before I joined the Army. I've not known anyone to do it since then.

[ggirl]

I've just seen/heard from h about people cheating. Pretty sure there wasn't a pact involved though.

[audette]

Nov 28, 2012 2:03:44 GMT -5 VillainV said:

This really pissed me off. And my husband when he read it. Never mind that sex with anyone other than your spouse is a UCMJ violation, or that sexual relations in the deployed environment (with anyone other than your also-deployed spouse in special family quarters) is a violation of General Order 1.

See, the only problem with it that I have is the UCMJ and General Order 1 violation. If it were contractors that weren't held to those requirements (I have no clue if contractors are required to adhere to set standards on this), no big deal.

What an adult couple chooses to do is their own business. It's not something DH and I would do, but I'm not going to fuss over someone else choosing to do this.


Maybe reading too much Heinlein during my formative years has made me really liberal regarding marriage, but I just don't care about what goes on between consenting adults unless I am one of those adults.

[basilosaurus]

audette, I'm absolutely with you. As I understand it, though, that code is rarely invoked, unless there's a situation that becomes a hassle for the command, such as someone becoming pregnant while deployed. Kind of like how no one enforces the rule against cohabitation.

[Jam]

I'm with audette. I really don't think it's my concern what two adults agree to within the scope of their relationship.

According to the Military, isn't any sexual position other than Missionary "bad"? Lol I mean, really.

[basilosaurus]

Nov 29, 2012 3:00:21 GMT -5 Jam said:

I'm with audette. I really don't think it's my concern what two adults agree to within the scope of their relationship.

According to the Military, isn't any sexual position other than Missionary "bad"? Lol I mean, really.

Mostly true. Oral and anal sex are as criminal as adultery if my non legal interpretation is correct. I don't think reverse cowgirl is forbidden. Yeehaw!

[ggirl]

I don't care what people do in their relationship. I think its the implication that because your spouse is military you should expect them to cheat, so thus you should work with that. Like this quote that supposedly a military wife said.

"Most civilian women would not defend their husband’s infidelity. But for the military wife, cheating practically comes with the territory. And rather than ignore the lusty elephant in the room, some military couples have created their own defense against infidelity: the so-called deployment sex pact."


Edited: My god I really need to stop typing before coffee. This is not a quote from the military wife, but the reasoning behind it.

[Smurfette]

Nov 28, 2012 8:00:09 GMT -5 ggirl said:

I've just seen/heard from h about people cheating. Pretty sure there wasn't a pact involved though.

This ^. H hasn't deployed yet this all happened at tech school.

[baconlettucetomato]

Often termed "duty booty." Saw it in Iraq, people are absurd but to each his own.