How have your views on sex changed?

[Deleted]

In most of high school I fully intended on saving myself for marriage.

Then I got a job, moved away, went to college, rethought a lot of my religion, and realized I didn't really believe any of the stuff that had been drilled into my head over the years. From there I pretty much did whatever I wanted. No regrets.

[winnied]

I've stayed the same. I don't judge others who are promiscuous as long as they practice safe sex but I personally am not promiscuous and would prefer a partner who is the same. Would I encourage someone to be promiscuous? No, but my opinion is neither important or appropriate to give so it doesn't matter.

[limey]

Dec 3, 2012 10:21:43 GMT -5 @blessed said:

I think it also had to do with not being full emotionally developed, not as open to my sexuality and not as confident in my body.

This is how I was in college. Plus I was really young. (I graduated at the age of 20.) And then throw in some catholic guilt and my mom telling me that spending the night at the house of the guy I was dating was slutty.

As I've matured and seen more perspectives, I've become more open to the idea of casual sex.

[chessie]

HS it was a big deal, but after a few times, it was just sex. I never had an intentions waiting until marriage. Knowing what I know now though, going through my accident and a few partners, sex really is not the most important thing in a relationship.

[Deleted]

I was scared of sex in HS. I didn't want to get pregnant or an STD, and i had a comprehensive sex ed from both school and my mom. My mom told me she had sex before marriage but only with someone she loved. So I grew up with the belief that sex = love. (Not necessarily marriage, though)

Only until I was older did I learn my mom actually was way more sexually active than she let on. Hey, it was the 70s!

Once I lost my virginity (at 22 mind you, and I was in love), I began to view it as fun.

Now I'm of the opinion that so long as you are safe, and not emotional about it, causal sex is fun. I was far more hurt from my first encounter being in love than I was with everyone else after.

H was a one night stand and the best night I had up until that point. He obv felt something special too bc when we re-met at a bar 5 months later, he got my number.

[pamela]

I wish I had been less "active" in college. I had way more partners than I feel comfortable with now and a lot of that had to do with my lack of self-confidence. I wasn't nearly discriminating enough in my partners and had more than my share of losers.

[ijack]

Most definitely. I waited a long time to have sex, not because I was waiting for marriage, I just wanted a real relationship and someone "special." But I had horrible self-esteem and ended up losing it one night when I was drunk off my ass and the guy didn't know I was a virgin (most guys were scared of taking your virginity at that age). I only had sex a handful of times before I met H and I was drunk every time and it was horrible and I felt very wrong about all of it.
If I was single at this point I like to think that I'm mature enough to handle it - I definitely view it differently from the outside. However I'm also in therapy for some of this, so maybe not.

[Deleted]

When I was 18-21ish sex was all about 50/50 male attention/approval and numbing my pain. Alcohol and/or drugs was always in place. And while it was never one-night stand territory, it was one bad seed after another.

Or the last few years, sex has become a sport. LOL. Something that I'm good at, I'm confident with myself and bring the team to victory. LOL. Such a lame comparison but I'm still on a football high. Basically, sex is so much more rewarding now because it is for me and on my terms.

I don't like one-night stands but don't have an issue with someone having one. I just don't want to be disappointed with the other parties performance. Ha. I want to know that I'm going to get a Unfaithful-esque one-night stand.

[ReenaP]

My biggest change happened during college. In high school, I fooled around a lot but intercourse was only with my HS boyfriend. During college, I became cool with the idea of casual sex. I'd probably be on the slutty side if I weren't married right now.

[treedimensional]

My views of sex haven't changed much, but the context has. I have relaxed the mental framework that scaffolded my rigid notions about who, when, and how sex "should" happen.

I also do not see myself the way society sees women/ womens' sexuality: as objects to be objectified, to be acted upon rather than to act, to be known rather than to know, and to bring pleasure rather than have pleasure.

[takeonyou]

Dec 3, 2012 10:21:43 GMT -5 @blessed said:

All this 1 night stand talk has gotten me thinking.

Interestingly enough, in college I was more the type to not view 1 night stands as favorably. I think it also had to do with not being full emotionally developed, not as open to my sexuality and not as confident in my body.

Now that I'm older (and separated) my views on sex have almost taken a 180. I view it as something a lot more important in a relationship than before. In addition, I'm fully ok with the idea of 1 night stands or friends with benefits now that I'm more emotionally mature and confident in myself/my body. I don't need alcohol to feel sexually comfortable with someone I haven't known for months. Actually, being drunk makes me just pass out with all my clothes on lol.

I think wanting to have sex regularly is completely normal and if you're not in a relationship, there is no shame in sleeping with different people to do something you enjoy (as long as you're safe).

How have your views on sex changed over time?

Can I just ditto you?

Sex is SUPER important to me now so I am fully on board with people experimenting (safely) and sleeping around.

[Deleted]

I've always been somewhat conservatively personally, but pretty live and let live about sex in general. I was surprisingly not judgmental as a teen (though I was on plenty of other topics)

Not necessarily approving of lifestyles that involve harm to others.

[Deleted]

I've had the same attitude. I think sex is very important to a relationship but don't think you need monogamy to have it. Neither age nor experience (or lack thereof) has changed that.

[aspentosh]

Dec 3, 2012 10:37:47 GMT -5 winnied said:

I've stayed the same. I don't judge others who are promiscuous as long as they practice safe sex but I personally am not promiscuous and would prefer a partner who is the same. Would I encourage someone to be promiscuous? No, but my opinion is neither important or appropriate to give so it doesn't matter.

Pretty much this. It's always been a "big deal" for me to sleep with someone so I've acted accordingly.

[SusanBAnthony]

I have definitely become more liberal. I wouldn't say my parents were even that conservative- they provided great sex education, suggested that getting pg would be a horrible idea, and that we should wait until we were sure we were ready.

I am friends with some people who are very passionate about sex-positive parenting, and although it made me uncomfortable at first, it has really changed my way of thinking. I want my kids to explore and have sex with more than one person before becoming monogamous, while also being safe and hopefully waiting until at least the second half of high school.

[Kore]

I wish I'd been less self conscious about my body & started doing it way earlier than 20.

[lys]

For me sex and a loving relationship are linked and always have been.
Alcohol and sex is a dangerous combination for the young and often results in unsafe practices and teen/unwanted pregnancy.
I am not the kind of person who could/can handle casual sex, I want more than that.
I am confident enough in myself and value myself enough to wait til circumstances are right. It also avoids many pitfalls and problems with 1 nighters, FWB and other casual arrangements.

[dexteroni]

Dec 3, 2012 10:21:43 GMT -5 @blessed said:

I think wanting to have sex regularly is completely normal and if you're not in a relationship, there is no shame in sleeping with different people to do something you enjoy (as long as you're safe).

I thought this when I was younger and I still think it now. I never intended to wait until marriage, but I didn't start having sex too young (IMO) or do it for the wrong reasons (most of the time). My mom was super open about talking about sex, relationships, self-esteem / self-respect, etc. It mortified and/or annoyed me at the time, but in retrospect i think it gave me a good perspective about how to navigate an area that is very difficult for most teens. So I don't know that my views have changed.

But if I were out in the dating world again, I might find that they had. I don't know.

[dexteroni]

Dec 3, 2012 13:14:36 GMT -5 Kore said:

I wish I'd been less self conscious about my body & started doing it way earlier than 20.

I do look back sometimes and think "Damn, I thought I was frumpy then? I would love to have that figure now." I'll probably have that same thought 20 years from now about my current figure. lol.

[Deleted]

I don't know that they have.

I did have a pretty promiscuous period - all of my sexual partners (with the exception of 1 hs boyfriend) happened between ages 19 and 22. At the time, I thought I was pretty open minded and powerful for having sex without emotion/attachment and enjoyed the fact that I was having fun and could go out with my friends and bring someone home without problem.

Looking back now, I know that a big part of it was insecurity. Most of my girlfriends had steady boyfriends and I was the weird single girl. I wanted a boyfriend, too, but most of the guys I liked ended up just being sex friends or nothing at all. While some of the more casual sex I had was fun and I have no regrets about it, some of it I wish I had held off on and actually made some guys I liked work for it. Maybe then we would have actually dated instead of just drunkenly hooking up and then making me sad afterward.

So I guess my views have changed in that if for some reason I ever became single again, I'd be more careful about how I use sex. I won't go as far as to say I wouldn't do it casually, but I'd be more careful about being casual with people I have an actual romantic interest in. I don't think I handled myself well back then and I won't want to repeat that.

As far as for other people, my views haven't changed at all and I have never judged someone for being sexually adventurous. As long as he/she is being careful (which wasn't always the case for myself, either, so I guess that's changed as well).

[Deleted]

I wanted to wait until i was in a relationship. I was too uncool to have sex in high school, lol! And then I went to college where my dad was a public figure for the university, making me further undateable. I finally got it over with an on again/ off again fling when I was 23. By that Ike I felt emotionally mature enough for casual, safe sex.

I started dating my husband at 25, and it's by far the best sex I've had because of the level of trust.

I don care what other people do, as Lon as they are safe about it.

[Deleted]

Not a lot. I have always believed you should only have sex with someone you are in love with.....and I do not believe at love at first sight! LOL

I used to think that living together outside of marriage was wrong, but then I did it myself so I guess that part changed...I was however engaged and planning the wedding. ( I would not have lived with him without being engaged)

[mbcdefg]

Up until college I was a real prude, and went along with my parents/church saying that premarital sex/cohabitation was a sin. I don't remember what I thought about gay relationships ... I know I wasn't ever strongly against it, but I may have just gone along with thinking it was sinful at first because those were the "rules" (again, according to parents/church).

I don't at all regret starting when I did, but I wish I had grown up feeling more confident and knowledgable about my body and about sex. I was really sheltered as a kid and it's definitely had an impact on me even now.

In all honesty, I don't understand the appeal and would never want to be a person who has a new partner every week, or who enjoys a one-night stand. That hasn't changed about me. But what HAS changed over the years is my ability to say, "It's not my life, it's none of my business. I'm not in that situation myself so my opinion doesn't matter. And if I WAS in that situation I wouldn't want anyone restricting my choices." Ditto for abortion.

[Deleted]

Oh and I need to add that I've become even more emotionally unattached over the last few years from sex. Sex is great without emotion, it's just pure, animalistic, raw and incredible. On the other hand, "making love" is much more passionate and for me, vulnerable.

It's much harder for me to have an emotional connection with someone during sex. Not because I'm fucked up (well maybe a little bit) but because it takes me a LONG time to trust someone to let them in enough for me to be vulnerable.

I can separate my emotions from sex and just enjoy the pleasure. Having emotions is an added bonus, but with that comes an actual relationship that requires more than just good sex. Casual sex is just the physical side of a relationship which for me is the biggest appeal. I'm not were near ready for a full-blown relationship. What I have with Giant is the extent I can give someone right now, my sex life shouldn't have to suffer because I don't want a "boyfriend."

When I was younger, it was definitely a insecurity/attention grabbing thing.

Also, I think titles are stupid. If 2 adults can agree to a monogamous causal relationship (a la Hart of Dixie) there's nothing wrong with that.

[Deleted]

Yes & no...I still don't think it's a good idea for me to sleep around. Its not w/in my values nor beliefs. I did not have sex as a teen or really at all until DH (who I met in my mid-20s). I dont feel i missed out--as i didnt need that worry nor complication. i was not even all that tempted honestly. no guys measured up to my impossibly high standards But I know if I was dating now (widow or divorce) it'd be super hard for me to hold out long. I know what I'm missing now (lol) & really would miss that aspect of life a lot. I'm not as paranoid of pg/STDs anymore which is just a function of my stage in life now.

[MamaMaui24]

Everytime I see the title of this post I think it's asking about your view on sex changes.

[BNL2]

I think I've become more prudish with age. Personally, FWB didn't work well for me. I realize I was using sex for attention and it was unhealthy. If I could go back to my brief promiscuous period, I wouldn't sleep with most of those guys. I've been with DH since I was 19 and he was supposed to be a casual fuck buddy so I was definitely ok with the idea. If I were single now, I'd be much more choosy about partners. I don't have the personality for one-night stands but I try not to judge those who enjoy them. It's just not my thing.

[kangaroo11]

I wish I'd not been so dumb about sex. I always wanted to be "in love" to have sex with someone, but usually it was more about trying to boost my self-esteem. I regret not gettin' it on more in college.

[mrsjuleshs]

I have always been told that I think of sex like a guy does. I have no problem with a woman having sex to fulfill a physical need. Granted, it is a lot more fulfilling when you are with someone you love, sometimes you just have an itch that needs to be scratched. So long as it is consensual, and both parties are protected, it's all good.

[mrsjuleshs]

and with that, I have never had an actual one night stand. The most casual has been a guy that I had hung out with a few times who was a friend's friend. And we still hung out afterwards.