I just don't want to. (Vent)

[spitforspat]

I just can't get into the holidays this year. Christmas with my family was so hard last year. And I was such a brat. And I just didn't KNOW it would be my mom's last. And I just keep kicking myself for not making it better.

And I just keep forgetting. I keep thinking 'oh! This would be perfect for her for Christmas!' And I don't want to put up my decorations because I can't send her the pics.

As a kid I never ever understood how people could dislike the holidays. But now I understand.

Sorry for venting- thanks for letting me get it out.

[hisno1girl]

((Spit)).dealing with a loss is especially hard during the holidays. I lost my Gram on Christmas Eve more than a decade ago and it still hurts. Let yourself be a little sad but not too much okay?

[iamgrace]

I'm sorry. That must be so hard. Hugs.

[spitforspat]

You guys. Thanks you so much. If I had a million dollars I would divide it four ways and give it to you. <3

[shoeless]

I'm so sorry Losses are always hard and the always seem to hit hardest around the holidays but, I really like Sue's advice.

[bleubook]

This Christmas is going to be hard for you. There's no way around it. I'm so sorry.

[sake]

((hugs)) I could cry real tears for you, I am so so sorry that you are going through this. I know how hard it is to be happy for a holiday that just reminds you of someone who you miss. You do what feels right for you, and if you don't want to decorate and make a big to do about Christmas this year, then don't. But I agree, that maybe adopting a family that needs some holiday cheer would help put some happiness back into the season for you, and I'm sure that your mom would have liked that as well.

[kellbell191]

I think it is perfectly normal to have a lot of regrets. It doesn't make them feel any better, but am some point you have to forgive yourself and trust that she knew how deeply you love her.

I think the first year is the worst. It's gotten gradually better for me each year, especially as we've kept some traditions and created some new ones. I'm thinking of you.