NHG: family visits

[boiler717]

When you and your parents visit each other, do you arrange a mutually convenient time or does someone say "hey, we are visiting on this day/time" and you are expected to accommodate?

[tarheels]

Always, always mutual. For DH's family and mine.

[mrs.jacinthe]

R's family: Convenient only for them. My family: Convenient only for them.

Oh, look, they have a common interest - inconveniencing us!

(Really, I don't mind and actually love hosting guests, so it's pretty good, although MIL drives me crazy.)

[RoxMonster]

My parents are up for us visiting whenever. My mom would probably cancel plans to see us lol. So it's usually when works for us.

With the in-laws, we'll typically call and say, "We're thinking of visiting this weekend. Does that work?" (We stay with them when in town).

[ssmjlm]

Thankfully IL's are local, so no overnights to visit, whee! We usually only get together for important events/holidays. FIL sometimes stops by just because, which is oh so fun, DH has tried to get him to call first (you know b/c it's 9am on a Saturday and I may not have a bra on).

With my parents it's mutual, although they have their own condo down by us so sometimes they'll come down for a whole week, but we'll only see them for dinner or even not for a couple days b/c they're doing their thing, we're doing ours. So we don't have to "entertain" them as if they're staying with us. I also know their visits will become more frequent once LO is here.

If we go up to see my parents, it's pretty much mutual. Hey, does this weekend work?

[ssmjlm]

Dec 5, 2012 7:46:13 GMT -5 @callmefia said:

We live nearly an hour drive from my family so it's not beneficial if we don't agree. IL's live about 30 minutes away and same thing - it's too far for them to pop in.

My MIL is 45 mins away, doesn't stop her from dropping by unannounced. :-(

[boiler717]

My ILs are wanting to come by for a visit on a day when we have big, long-standing plans and don't understand why we can't cancel them.

I don't get it. They have declared that they have to visit us on this day. They have been invited other days over the past 3 months and declined. We offered up other days in response and that was met with disgust. Apparently we are the worst people in the world for not dropping everything for them now that they finally have shown and an interest in seeing us.

[Deleted]

99% of the time its mutual. Once in awhile I will head home for a friend event or to see other family but my parents have plans. I just them know I am coming to sleep..lol...I do not expect them to rearrange their life.
Sometimes my parents will call and want to visit when we have plans. They just hang until we get back and watch Rubes for us.
They are random though. They call friday morning and tell me theyll be their for dinner and the weekend. im fine with that. There has never been an expectation that plans must change.

[thewop]

Dec 5, 2012 9:44:16 GMT -5 @callmefia said:

Wellllllllll I think my being one of those super honest/blunt ladies here.... And probably a good reason our family doesn't do this.... I would probably respond to your IL's with a big, fat, "OH WELL! I'm sorry we are such terrible kids. We made these plans months ago and will not be changing them. But we are available X days"

I have this funny magnet in my office that applies here - "lack of planning on your part doesn't constitute an emergency on my part!"

Haha. I would say the same thing as Fia, with a little less snark :-p. I've had to be blunt with my family before. It doesn't get a great response initially, but I haven't been pushed/guilted into anything since. Sometimes you just have to put your foot down or nothing is going to change.

[emjacobs]

My parents are local, Ts grandparents and dad are also local and his mom stays with his grandmother when she is in town so we don't have to deal with different plans a lot of the time.

[boiler717]

Dec 5, 2012 10:15:55 GMT -5 @callmefia said:

Dec 5, 2012 10:01:34 GMT -5 thewop said:

Haha. I would say the same thing as Fia, with a little less snark :-p. I've had to be blunt with my family before. It doesn't get a great response initially, but I haven't been pushed/guilted into anything since. Sometimes you just have to put your foot down or nothing is going to change.

Oh, see, I snark in full force for my family! they don't do this kind of shit with me because they know I won't put up with it!

I can't believe they are making you feel so bad about it, which is why I would throw in the "sorry we are such terrible kids!" Part. They need to realize they aren't being fair!

No they told us that so even if we said that they would just agree :/

[boiler717]

FTR, we aren't canceling our plans. I just wanted to see how many others would because "it's family."

[amblor]

Super flexible on both sides. But we all live withing 15 minutes of each house and we see them regularly.

[Deleted]

Dec 5, 2012 15:13:48 GMT -5 boiler717 said:

FTR, we aren't canceling our plans. I just wanted to see how many others would because "it's family."

See this is so subjective for me. If I had like concert tickets or long lost friends in town, I wouldn't reschedule.

If I was just going to Target/grabbing a beer with the neighbors I would or at least tell them they can babysit if they want (Which they usually do).

[boiler717]

We are hosting Christmas of my mom's entire extended family (60+ people). The date of this was moved from the Saturday before Christmas because MIL wanted the Saturday before Christmas for us to spend with them.

They want to come by because they haven't been to our house yet (multiple invites have been issued and declined). We offered up the next weekend that instead of us going down there as planned they could come up here instead if they really wanted to see it.

I think they are embarrassed to go to Christmas stuff and have to admit they haven't been to see our new place when others in the family have made an effort to do so. MIL is also mad that we rescheduled my mom's family Christmas instead of missing it for her.

[boiler717]

Sorry, I'm exhausted and that was really confusing.

Backstory, previously we have alternated between my mom's extended family and DH's family on the Saturday before Christmas (if we saw mine then, then we saw DH's on Sunday but if we saw DH's on Saturday we missed mine because we couldn't reschedule all 60 peeps in my moms family). I'm now hosting my mom's extended family Christmas since my Grandma moved out and moved it to two weekend before Christmas so we no longer have to alternate and can see everyone now. I told MIL this at TG.

MIL called and wants to come visit us at our house on the day we are hosting my mom's extended family Christmas. Says we should cancel our plans because we are their kids and she would do that for us. Reminds us that we saw my extended family last year. Complains that she never has seem our house (fails to remember that she has been invited multiple times and declined). Declares DH is a horrible evil son who doesn't even welcome his own mom in his home.

[boiler717]

Dec 5, 2012 16:57:23 GMT -5 @callmefia said:

Ok that is worse. She wants you to cancel something with YOUR family for her? 60 people from your family have been counting on you. Whatabitch. I honestly probably would have made H deal with the crazy.

Oh he is the one dealing with it. Why do I feel guilty over this?!? It sounds so crazy when you write it out.

[Deleted]

Yeah...that's nuts. Your MIL is way out of line. You can't just cancel a party for 60 people..lol. Esp. one that's already been rescheduled.

If it was My parents and I was hosting a party, I'd say, "Hey, We're having this party, but you're welcome to stay and join us." No harm done. Both of our families rock at getting a long and my parents aren't drama queens like your MIL seems to be.

[ssmjlm]

Oh your poor DH having to deal with a BSC mother.

Stick to your guns.

[mrs.jacinthe]

Whoa. That's beyond the line for sure.

I've canceled/rescheduled all kinds of things because my parents or ILs were visiting with little notice. A party for 60 people, though? How presumptive!

How far away are they and have they already made travel arrangements, if necessary?

[sierramist03]

Family visits what are those? Sorry....MIL never visits and my parents live 20 minutes away. But yes it's mutual.

[boiler717]

Dec 5, 2012 19:11:30 GMT -5 mrs.jacinthe said:

Whoa. That's beyond the line for sure.

I've canceled/rescheduled all kinds of things because my parents or ILs were visiting with little notice. A party for 60 people, though? How presumptive!

How far away are they and have they already made travel arrangements, if necessary?

2.5 hour drive, so no travel arrangements have been made